Bang: The Pickup Bible That Helps You Get More Lays Within 60 Days

- Bang: The Pickup Bible That Helps You Get More Lays Within 60 Days

- Introduction

- Midpoint

Bang

Roosh V

Copyright 2007, 2010 by Roosh V

Smashwords Edition

http://www.rooshv.com

All rights reserved.

Introduction

It started in the spring of 2001. I was 21 years old and spent my free time on the computer reading message boards or playing games. I had no skill with women and the ones I knew either used me for my brain to tutor them or as an emotional tampon to feel better about the guys who didn’t take their shit. I remember thinking how stupid the other guys were to treat such pretty and nice girls so poorly. Didn’t they realize those girls will eventually get angry and stop talking to them?

My friends were unsuccessful with women too, so we all reinforced our lack of skill during all-night games of Risk or poker. I wanted to get out of that cycle but felt I had little control to make a change. I observed other guys and concluded that success with women was a skill you were born with.

Then there was one girl in my organic chemistry class that I started to like. She was Persian and the same age as me, with long curly hair and olive skin. We would study together in groups and I could have sworn that she was giving me extra attention. I analyzed the situation with my nice guy friends and we concluded that she did like me as more than a friend.

After a couple weeks of hesitation, I finally asked her out on a casual date to the movies. She said she couldn’t because she was very busy. Weeks later, I saw her around campus holding hands with another guy. Instead of listening to lame love songs like I usually did, for the first time I got angry. A lifetime of frustration and of not getting what I wanted became focused on that one girl. I was bitter that I, a nice guy, was getting passed over for guys I thought were losers.

So I started to ignore her. If I did end up talking to her, I’d cut our conversations short. When she asked me to study I’d lie and say I was studying alone, only to have her stumble upon my study group late at night in the library. I started feeling good for treating her poorly. I hated her and everything she stood for, which was my failure with women.

But then something interesting happened. She started making a strong effort to gain my attention and favor. It was as if the harder I pulled away, the closer she would come to me. That was the first time I understood that changing my behavior could affect how girls reacted to me. Soon it became clear that interacting with women wasn’t very different from the games I played with my nice guy friends, where changing tactics and strategies yielded different results.

At about the same time, I happened to click on a random link within a business forum and stumbled onto something called Tony’s Lay Guide. It was the best accident of my life. That guide had basic tips on how to approach women, how to talk to them, how to kiss them, and how to have sex with them. I immediately printed the entire thing in case the site went offline. To me it reinforced the idea that you can learn how to get better, that you aren’t doomed to a life of infrequent sex just because you weren’t born a natural.

I studied that guide for two months before I actually did anything. In May 2001, I approached a girl for the first time in a line of a club. I talked to her for half an hour and got her number, to the surprise of both me and my friends. It was probably beginner’s luck, but that first success sold me on the idea that studying game was a worthy cause.

That’s usually how it starts for most guys getting into the game: a random discovery followed by a first success or initial high when they do something they’ve never done before.

Your Goal

What is it you want right now? Maybe you want to lose your virginity, sleep with a certain number of girls, find true love, or get a threesome. Or maybe you have goals that are more difficult to measure, such as building confidence, becoming more outgoing, or becoming a better speaker. Whatever your goal is, it’s best to express it in a statement that will act as your guide and motivational force. Think of it as being like a corporation’s mission statement, that no matter what happens and what local creek is being polluted, you can look at it and remember what’s really important.

A lot of people set a goal, work on it half-heartedly for a month or two, realize it’s difficult to accomplish, and then switch goals (or quit altogether). It’s a good goal if you aren’t sure whether you can reach it or not—it’s a bad one if you’re 100% sure you can. It should be a goal for which you need to seek outside knowledge or to acquire new skills. If it’s not hard, like most things in life, it’s not worth doing.

There are two parts to every goal you set out to achieve: the journey to the goal and the accomplishment of the goal itself. The journey is when you learn, innovate, attempt, and put yourself through tough situations for the first time. This is where real growth takes place. (Sometimes accomplishing a goal gives you less satisfaction and pleasure than the smaller successes that preceded it.) If you don’t quite reach your goal, that’s okay too. The journey makes the concept of failure a gray area because you’ll be putting yourself through changes that will leave you with more knowledge on how to succeed than when you first started. You can “fail” all your life, yet accomplish more than those who never tried.

There have been volumes written on goal setting that make it more complicated than it needs to be. Keep the process easy but effective by structuring your goal in this format: “I’m going to ___________.” Then write that goal on a small piece of paper or a note card. Put it in your wallet, next to your computer monitor, on your bathroom wall, or any place where you’ll see it at least once a week. Visualize your goal to prepare your mind for the work ahead.

Some productivity experts recommend that you attach a deadline to your goal. For example: “I’m going to sleep with a mother and daughter team within six months.” I don’t advise doing this because the game is so unpredictable and quirky that time goals can be discouraging during the inevitable cold streak. As you gain skill, there will be periods where you sleep with multiple girls in a short amount of time, followed by nothing for several weeks. A strong desire that motivates you to act is enough.

Beware

Before you dive in and read this book, I have to warn you that the journey can be difficult and often disappointing. Is it worth it? Yes, without a doubt. The payoff for you will be better quality women and more power and confidence to get them, but it won’t come without work on your part.

You’ll need to interact with a large number of women in different situations and environments. It’s not enough to just talk to the women you normally come into contact with at work or school. Like a salesman, you need to make cold calls to get leads in the form of approaches. You’ll go to bars and clubs and bookstores to meet women. You’ll talk to them everywhere, always practicing and experimenting. You’ll follow through with them, call them on the phone, spend money on dates, and try to bang them. You’ll maintain your stable like a sheep herder maintains his flock. You’ll put in your energy, your life blood, into a game that may leave you mentally exhausted. You’ll deal with rejections, flakes, and temper tantrums that are negative and discouraging. You’ll spend time studying the game and taking notes, breaking down your encounters with women, and you’ll create material on your own.

A large component to becoming successful with women is time. You won’t turn into an player overnight. The best analogy I can use to describe the game is bodybuilding. Within a short amount of time, you’ll see big gains and experience euphoric confidence boosts, followed by peaks and valleys where you’ll lose or gain muscle mass depending on how motivated or healthy you are. There’s no end to bodybuilding, but there is a time when you look at the mirror and say, “I’m happy with what I see.”

Within two months of serious entry into the game, you’ll accomplish many things you haven’t done before. Maybe you’ll make your first approach, finger a girl on the dance floor, or get a one-night stand. If you’re a complete beginner, within one year you’ll see your early game strengthen, only to then see your middle game mess things up. Within the second year, your early and middle game will be much better, but then your end game will be begging for improvement.

It’s not until after year two, with constant practice, that you’ll be proficient with all stages of game. At this point, other guys will notice your skill and you’ll begin to teach and advise a new generation of males who want to enter the game. Eventually you’ll reach end game, a game of no game. By then it may be hard for you to teach the minute details you once agonized over because you will have internalized the best techniques. You’ll no longer notice the hundreds of small things you do to attract women

Keep in mind that there are many ways to skin a cat. Often you’ll hear game advice that seems contradictory, such as calling a girl the same night versus calling in four days, telling her you like her versus always being indirect, or paying for dates versus never paying. It’s not that any of these statements are necessarily right or wrong—what matters is what type of guy they apply to. For every man there is an infinite range of game he could play, but there’s a small range that will serve him best.

This book presents an easily adaptable game that works well for most men, based on sound rules that drive human behavior and rigorously tested escalation steps that will take you from one stage to the next. However, it will ultimately be up to you to add to this game, injecting your own flavor to make it have the most impact for you.

There’s a point of diminishing return where learning new information without acting on it does little to further your skill. If you give a basement boy 1,000 books on seduction, he’ll be no better off in one year because he’ll spend all that time reading instead of doing. It’s better to give him one resource and then push him onto the field to get experience. You can read the complete works of Casanova, but it won’t put you at 1% of his game unless you get out and put his methods into practice. A book like mine can only push you onto the field with enough know-how to allow you to master the game on your own.

Regardless of your current skill level or your past failures, consider this a new beginning. Not only will you get better results with women, but the confidence you’ll gain will improve other aspects of your life as well. What you’re about to read is a blunt and straight-forward discussion on getting laid.

Table of Contents

I Internal Game

II Early Game

III Middle Game

IV Late Game

V End Game

Appendix

1

INTERNAL GAME

Internal game is the game that goes on inside your head—the thoughts and beliefs that affect your behavior and ultimately how others respond to you. For example, if you have a belief that appearance is very important in getting laid and you’re not a good-looking guy, you’ll talk to fewer girls and get laid less often. How you think about appearance, masculinity, and the concept of game will tie into your results. Before we get to actual game, let’s make sure your mind believes in a reality that will benefit you most.

Game, Not Appearance

I’ve never considered myself a good-looking guy. In college I’d look in the mirror and see big ears, acne, and a hairy, pudgy body. I didn’t like what I saw and thought most girls probably wouldn’t like what they saw either. As a result, I didn’t even bother trying to get laid for most of college.

Believing I didn’t have the right look paralyzed me from talking to girls, so I never even developed the most basic skills to interact with them. I was easy-going and funny with friends, but nervous and awkward around girls. What I didn’t realize was that girls don’t see me the same way I see myself. While there are consistent patterns for what makes humans appear attractive, your look is perceived differently in the eyes of different girls. This means that while Jane thinks you’re a hideous beast, Stacy may think you have extra character. Rachel thinks you’re big and awkward, but Lauren thinks you’ll be able to protect her.

The first thing you see when you look in the mirror might be a big nose or a balding head, but girls don’t zero in on these features—they absorb your entire look and presence. The insecure man, simply through his unattractive body language, tells a girl that he’s not a worthy sexual partner. His meek eye contact and slouchy appearance is a physical manifestation of his thinking about himself and the importance of his appearance.

Even if most females on the planet think you’re a monster, it’s better to believe that looks don’t matter so you’re at least able to make a confident showing for the handful of girls who don’t mind your appearance. With the addition of game, you’ll be able to sleep with girls whose first impression of your look is less than favorable.

After getting into the game, I made some superficial changes to my appearance. I lost my fuzzy mustache and cut my hair, I bought trendy clubbing clothes, and I worked out at the gym to build up my muscles. But was I really becoming a better-looking guy? I doubt it. When I compare pictures of myself now (shaggy, Jesus-looking) and one year after I entered the game, I looked more youthful, polished, and stylish then—at a time when I got less sex.

While things like style and body size are noticed by women, it’s your game that plays the biggest role in making you appear more or less attractive. (Do you really think it matters if you’re putting gel in your hair or not?) Now I get complimented on my appearance and am approached fairly regularly, even though I put barely any more energy into looking good than my Nike sweatshirt days.

If you think appearance is important and you consider yourself unattractive, you’ve doomed yourself to spending most of your time behind a computer. You need to have the belief that game, not appearance, is important, and then go out there and play the hand you’ve been dealt. It’s true that the better looking you are, the easier things will be (you’ll be able to attract girls on looks alone and say things that other guys would get drinks thrown on them for). A below-average-looking man will have to work harder than a good-looking man to get the same results. Instead of only approaching three girls to get a number, an unattractive man may have to approach ten. While it isn’t fair that a man has to work harder simply because of bad genetic luck, consider the bright side: his game will be better and more honed than the good-looking guy who didn’t have to work for it. Once his looks fade (and they will) he won’t have as much to fall back on.

Let’s say you have hard genetic luck when it comes to your appearance. I’d compare you to a tennis athlete born with little natural ability. You have to practice six hours a day while the natural athlete practices two hours—yet he still creams you in most matches. However, because you’re committed and disciplined, you still stick with the game and pull out enough wins to make money on the circuit. You’ll never be a superstar or top-ten-ranked player, but you’ll be able to do what you enjoy, make an upper class living, and enjoy sex from your stable of groupies.

Nature Vs. Nurture

You may have the belief that you must be born with the ability to talk to women and that it’s either in you or it’s not. When you go to a bar and see a guy having the time of his life with both of his arms around beautiful girls while you sit there in the corner with a warm beer in your hand not having said a word to a pretty girl all week, it can be hard to imagine yourself being like him.

One year after I got into the game, I went to a wine festival with two female coworkers. I was approaching girls regularly by then, but it was mostly confined to loud clubs. Walking around this farm in Virginia on a 100-degree day, I saw a tall, curvy girl wearing high-heel cork sandals matched with a skimpy outfit. I noticed that the girls were checking her out as much as the guys. I stalked her at that wine festival, fantasizing about her like every other guy. An hour later, I looked to my left and saw her standing under a tent with her back toward me. I walked up to her from behind, touched her upper-back tattoo, and asked, “What does this mean?”

I banged her three weeks later. I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me a year earlier that I’d pull one of the hottest girls at a huge public gathering just by sneaking up on her and touching her. To me, it would have seemed impossible, something that just wasn’t in me, something I wasn’t born to do.

No more than 10% of men have an innate ability to talk to girls, to build attraction, and to rack up more notches in a year than most men get in their lifetimes. To them, playing the game isn’t work—it’s like hanging out with friends. For reasons you can maybe trace to their genes, parents, or childhood, they became very good with women and possess a skill so ingrained that they can’t even explain what it is they do.

So what options do the other 90% have, like myself? Do I settle for fat, ugly woman? Do I wait until I meet a homely girl at work to marry? Do I get rich in the hopes that I can use my wealth to land a hot but shallow girl? Or do I study the game like I would study a subject in school?

You don’t need to be born with game—like sailing or motorcycle riding, you can become proficient at it with practice and training. If you think you have flaws that prevent you from becoming good, realize that the naturals have flaws as well. When guys see me approach pretty girls in a bar with ease, they don’t attribute my ability to years of practice; they tell me I was born to do it, perhaps to make it easy for them to rationalize their own lack of action. The fact is, I got good at it by using old-fashioned hard work.

“Look, I’m sure with some work I can be good at the game, but I just want to find one girl who is hot and nice. I don’t want to spend every week in some smoky club talking to a lot of snobby bitches.” This is a statement I hear often from men who believe they should get an immediate return on their game investment, but just as with stocks, it takes time to see meaningful gains, especially since hot and nice girls are always in high demand. There’s a long line of guys out there who are willing to do almost anything to be with quality girls—you included. What do you bring to the table? Can you attract her better than another man? Why should she sleep with you?

Unless you answered, “Because my game is tight and I think I’m the shit,” you’re not going to get that girl. Simply being nice to her in hopes she’ll want to bang isn’t going to work. While she may not want a player, she does want a quality man who’s experienced and knows what he’s doing. It’s important to realize that it will take a significant investment on your part before you start getting quality girls.

Confidence

Talk to anyone about getting better with girls and the word confidence will be tossed out quickly. Confidence is believing you’re capable and worthy of success. A confident man dives into situations that are critical to his goals, regardless of the perceived chance of failure. He rarely shows fear or hesitation. His power is visible, his shoulders back, and his eyes up, to face whatever crosses his path. When you interact with a confident man, you’re drawn to him, not only because you think he is successful, but because you think you’ll also succeed just by spending time with him.

Experience brings confidence because experience makes you more capable. Once you’re capable, you no longer go into situations fearful and expecting failure. Instead, you feel good about your odds. This is why the phrase “fake it till you make it” is popular in self-improvement circles. Until you get the real confidence that results from an increasing amount of success, fake your confidence by gathering experiences that will eventually lead to that success.

How can you go from zero confidence to having enough to approach beautiful women? The best way is to experience success with women. Nothing gives you more confidence than banging a hot girl. If you’re not there yet, the other way is to improve how you look. There are no other ways!

Earlier I discussed that appearance isn’t that important. This is true when it comes to attracting girls, but a relative improvement to your appearance will give you a short-term confidence boost, which will help you approach girls. Your goal is to improve your self-image by making a change that will put you in a better mood to approach and game.

This change can be in the form of a lasting improvement, like working out at the gym (a reliable confidence booster) or something more superficial that gets you excited about going out, like changing your hairstyle, growing facial hair, or buying a new outfit. Right now you only need enough confidence to make that first cold approach. Then you’ll build off that first approach to push further, until you’re approaching higher quality girls in tough situations.

Very soon your confidence will come from minor successes that will then give you the motivation and drive to continue. Even things like having a two-minute conversation with a model is a success that you can build off of. A confidence boost gets you in the game, but it’s sexual success that keeps you in, giving you real confidence that lasts. Your confidence will build like a snowball rolling downhill.

Alphas And Betas

If you’ve ever watched the Discovery Channel, you’ve probably seen a program featuring gorillas that shows how the silverback male performs doggy-style sex on the females in his tribe, followed by footage of the beta gorillas masturbating in a corner. In the ape world, the alpha male’s dominance comes from his large physical size, a trait female gorillas select for. (If this were true for humans, the only guys getting laid would be meatheads.) Beta male gorillas accept their low position until they’re ready to take a risk, either by challenging the alpha male or by starting their own tribe.

The alpha/beta hierarchy isn’t much different among humans. Beta males accept their low position and let a minority of alphas bang most of the desirable women until they’re ready to work on becoming alpha males themselves. Back when humans lived in tribes, there were no books or tools to teach them about human psychology, behavior, or seduction. If you were a beta when you hit puberty, chances were you’d be a beta for life. But now that the right behavior and attitude can be identified and studied, it’s much easier for today’s man to become an alpha male.

First let’s take a look at the average beta male. His number one defining trait is a fear of going after what he desires. He doesn’t pursue what he wants because he doesn’t think he’s capable of getting it. He worries about other people’s needs before his own. He quietly accepts being disrespected. He seeks out his identity in areas unrelated to his masculinity, such as his cubicle job. He’s passive in bed and waits for permission before escalating intimacy. He rationalizes his failure with women (and life) by attributing it to reasons outside of his control. He believes the best way to be successful with women is having incredibly good looks and lots of money.

The alpha male, on the other hand, lives much differently. First and foremost, he does what he wants to do. He doesn’t concern himself with personal rejection or social failure. His needs, wants, and feelings come before anyone else’s. No one’s judgment, dirty looks, opinions, or laughter is going to stop him from getting what he wants. He doesn’t ask for permission. If he wants to have sex with a girl, he uses his knowledge and skills to try to make it happen. His actions stem from desire instead of insecurity.

The alpha male doesn’t qualify himself. He doesn’t explain his faults or failures. He accepts himself, for better or worse. He doesn’t brag about his success. He doesn’t need to be validated by a woman because he knows that she can’t give him what he can’t give himself. Criticism or praise has only a temporary effect on him because he has already accepted his strengths and weaknesses.

The alpha male doesn’t care about what other people think of him. He presents himself in a way that makes him feel most comfortable. He picks up on something because he likes it and it fits him, not because it’s a trend or something he is “supposed” to do. He doesn’t look in the mirror every ten minutes to fix his hair. He doesn’t concern himself with getting fake tans or body hair waxes.

The alpha male doesn’t make apologies for being a man who has sexual needs. He doesn’t hide his intentions with women, so they know how to provide him with what he wants. If a woman isn’t comfortable with sex, he moves on and finds one who is. He isn’t going to wait for a woman to serve his needs. He’s not concerned if a woman rejects him in the bedroom—if he doesn’t get it from her, he’ll get it from someone else. As a sexual being, he expects women to be sexual as well.

The alpha male lives in his own reality. He leads interactions the way he prefers by controlling the tempo and initiating the escalation. He believes it’s in a woman’s nature to submit to a strong man. He understands that if he doesn’t worry about his needs, a girl won’t worry about them either. He doesn’t let the woman lead the interaction because it will result in her getting what she wants (attention and validation) at his expense.

The alpha male has high expectations of women. He doesn’t do nice things for them without expecting something in return. He expects a girl who has his attention to be physically attractive, interesting, and sexually secure. If a girl tells him she’ll only have sex after months of dating, he won’t pursue her. He makes it clear that he’s not on this Earth to service her with free alcohol or food. Everything she gets from him must be earned.

Most importantly, the alpha male is always willing to walk away. His power over women lies in the time and energy he chooses to spend with them. He understands that such a mindset will be noticed by the women he meets, and they will treat him with care and respect as a result. He makes it clear, by controlling the amount of attention he gives, that he won’t tolerate disrespectful or frigid behavior. If she doesn’t like his attitude, she’s free to find someone else who will put up with her, because he knows there are many women who know how to behave. No matter how much work he has put into a certain woman, he won’t hesitate to drop her if she isn’t responding the way he wants.

The willingness to walk away, above all other factors, does more to tell a woman of your high value than any amount of money can. You must be prepared to follow through and to fully believe that you’ll never see or hear from her again, because women instinctively know when you’re faking. Like Robert De Niro in Heat, you must be ready to leave without hesitation. While many girls won’t chase you to get you back, the ones who do will respect your terms and dive into your reality. In the end, that’s what the game is about—getting what you want the way you want, without having to sacrifice your beliefs or values.

No man becomes an alpha male overnight, but in a short time, by adopting the alpha beliefs, you’ll notice that both women and men will treat you more positively and with more respect. One of the fastest ways to become alpha is to study one, just like Jane Goodall studied silverbacks in the wild. Watch how he interacts with other people and take note not just of his words but how he says them. Since asking someone how they accomplish something is less valuable than observing it with your own eyes, you don’t even have to talk to an alpha male personally to learn from his behavior.

Sometimes the only difference between alpha and beta males is the intent, not the behavior. For example, they both can be seen paying for dates or holding a door open, but beta males do these things to please and impress women while alpha males do them because it makes them feel good and helps achieve their goals. I don’t buy a drink for a woman on a date to please her. I buy it to loosen her up. I don’t call in two days after getting her number because I’m afraid she’ll forget about me. I call because that’s when I want to talk to her. The reason why you do things, your intent, is automatically subcommunicated to women. A woman knows if you’re trying to impress her or not.

In the celebrity world, where famous actors and musicians are making millions of dollars, why is that that a handful of guys such as Lenny Kravitz, Matthew McConaughey, and Leonardo DiCaprio always get the hottest women? It can’t be their money, because all their male peers have it, too, and it can’t be their looks, because most Hollywood men are blessed with beautiful genetics.

It’s because they’re alpha males. Because of that, they have their pick of the most beautiful women in the world.

Your Mind Is Slow

Once you start practicing the game and learning from your experiences, you can make quick adjustments that will increase your results immediately. However, your mind is much slower to change. It lags months behind your experience and needs constant reinforcement for the correct beliefs to stick. You can tell yourself that you’re willing to walk away a hundred times, but until you do it repeatedly, your mind won’t believe you.

Live out the correct behavior as if you believe it—until you really believe it. Internal game is the first thing you need to start working on, but it’s the last thing you’ll master.

2

EARLY GAME

The approach is the most important part of your game. If you master only one skill, it should be the approach. No matter how much of a loser you may think you are right now, learning to approach will automatically increase what you’ve gotten before. There are girls out there who will sleep with you while both conscious and sober, but not until you approach them. Even if you approach with absolutely zero game and without the ability to construct a complete sentence, there’s going to be at least one girl who will bang you because you happened to catch her at the right moment.

Until guys set aside their insecurities and limitations and accept that they need to get this part of their life handled, the fear of rejection will remain a monster that looms in the back of their minds. Approaching a random girl without any introduction, completely cold, may seem insane, nerve-racking, and impossible. The reason for these feelings is because men have evolved to not approach.

In the book Mean Genes, Terry Burnham and Jay Phelan reflect back to the time when our ancestors lived in tribes of a few dozen people. Everyone in the tribe was connected in some way, so making a move on a certain girl without reciprocation ensured that you’d be gossiped about and ridiculed. At worst, approaching a girl who was having sex with a powerful member of the tribe meant ejection from the group—and possibly even death. Therefore, it was a bad idea to approach unless you were sure the girl already liked you.

Our tribal history is millennia past, but men still operate as if we lived in those small groups. Unless the average guy gets positive signals that a particular girl likes him, he does absolutely nothing. The fact that this fear of approaching is hardwired into our brain becomes obvious when you ask any man to walk up to a hot woman and say hello. Without even thinking about it, his heart starts beating faster, his face flushes, and his mind fills with worry. He’ll hesitate and make excuses for why he can’t do it. We can’t change our genes, so there will always be some fear, but the worry of being ostracized or sent off to die are no longer reasons for inaction.

With some guys it’s not just a fear of approaching women, but a fear of talking to them as well. Shyness is a trait that many guys who are unsuccessful with women possess, but when it comes to shyness, genetics are no match for environmental pressure. While your genes determine your shyness level, you can overcome them by persistently taking social risks until the fear becomes just a low-level annoyance. What’s great about the game is that it serves to rid you of your shyness while simultaneously increasing your skill at banging women.

Short of seeing a therapist or taking mind-altering drugs that have dubious effects, the smartest course of action is to face your fear head-on. I don’t care if your heart is about to explode from your chest, if your face is redder than a tomato, if you can barely breathe, or if you’re on the floor having a seizure while foaming from the mouth—you’re going to look a girl in the eyes, open your mouth, and say the words. If you can’t do that—if you can’t contract your vocal cords to produce a sound in the presence of another human being, you may want to contemplate building a cabin in the woods where no girls will bother you.

When I was a little kid, I used to run and grab my mother’s leg whenever a stranger was present. If I could get over my extreme shyness with hard work, anyone can. I have no sympathy for a man who can’t put himself through uncomfortable situations to get what he truly wants. If he can’t do this for himself, he doesn’t deserve the sympathy of those who did go through the hardship, pain, and discomfort.

Rejection Is A Beautiful Thing

With any task you do, whether it’s related to women, sports, or any other type of game, there are a certain number of times you must fail until you succeed. Each act of failure puts you one step closer to success. During an important presentation at work in front of thirty scientists, I interchanged the words lactose and lactate several times. That was like showing up for a meeting in the Oval Office without wearing pants. While I was embarrassed afterward, it taught me simple but essential rules of how to plan and construct a presentation for educated professionals. With each presentation I got better, until I was the preferred person to present data generated by our group. But without those initial mistakes, I wouldn’t have been able to polish my skills.

Not doing anything may prevent you from failure, but because you make no attempt, it prevents you from success as well. This principle is especially important when it comes to women because you need to rack up a boatload of rejections to understand how to be really good with them. I’ve been rejected more than most guys I know, but I’ve also been with more women than most guys I know. You try more, you get more—there’s no secret to it.

The number of attempts you have to make to reach a level of success goes down as you gain experience and skill. For example, when I first started I had to approach about twenty girls to get a single number. Now I need to approach maybe three. I improved because I learned from all those prior rejections. At the time, those rejections stung and I didn’t feel that great about myself, but now they’re fodder for humorous stories. The human brain does an amazing job of downplaying failure while glorifying success.

The second reason I’m a fan of rejection is because it maximizes your results. The most uncomfortable rejection I can think of is the head turn when you go in for a kiss. This usually leads to an awkward moment—even more than when a girl blows you off during an approach. However, I now believe that the head turn isn’t a bad rejection at all, because it means you’re not wasting kisses. If you’ve never gotten rejected trying to kiss a girl, it means there are several girls you could have kissed but didn’t—simply because you didn’t try. Rejection tells you that you’re pushing to get all you can. A man who doesn’t get rejected is one who isn’t reaching his true potential.

Rejection also tells you exactly where you stand with a particular girl. There’s no better way to tell if a girl likes you than by seeing if she minds your tongue down her throat. The information you get by taking an encounter further is more valuable than advice you may receive from friends who don’t know all the subtle details of the relationship.

In college, during exam days, I heard a lot of excuses as tests were being distributed. People hadn’t gotten enough sleep or they hadn’t had time to study as much as they wanted to. A lot of my classmates were scared that if they really studied hard and gave it their all—and still did poorly on the test—it would be a rejection of their intelligence. So they went through college never knowing the limits of their test-taking ability. That type of protective strategy only served to soothe their egos. Right now you have to decide if you’re going to concern yourself with protecting your ego or with maximizing your results.

When you get rejected by a girl, there’s only one thought that should be in your head: “It’s her loss.” Even if you said the lamest shit in the world or accidentally spilled your drink on her, it’s still her loss. If you tripped in front of her and she laughed at you, it’s her loss.

You need to adopt this mindset for a few reasons. First, it prevents you from dwelling on bad encounters while there are other opportunities around you. A rejection shouldn’t end your night prematurely. Second, it increases your perceived value. Say “It’s her loss” enough times and your brain can’t help but believe it, and soon you’ll start expecting girls to work harder to gain your attention. Finally, it prevents you from wanting to change your game after a particularly bad encounter. If you have a solid line that bombs on one girl and you don’t think “It’s her loss,” you may be tempted to remove that line from your repertoire, even though it works most of the time.

A guy who wishes to avoid rejection often has the most pride. He thinks, “Why should I approach her and maybe get rejected when she’s just a stupid bar rat who happens to be attractive?” But if he’s confident with his standing and ability, there’s no reason for him to care about what a random girl thinks. Pride is just another defense mechanism to protect the ego—it gives men an excuse to avoid failures that may cause embarrassment or discomfort. Guys with pride are actually hiding their fear of rejection behind a “too cool for school” air that only fools themselves. A lack of pride teaches you to be a humble student, someone who accepts short-term failure for long-term success. A man without pride understands that rejection is okay because not every girl is able to quickly notice his positive qualities during an approach.

Even though most of your approaches won’t result in sex, you have to do them anyway. You must go into situations knowing that the odds are you’ll fail. You have to accumulate enough experience so that you will be 100% prepared for the times when they will lead to something. You have to make those ten long-shot approaches to get the one that turns out to be easier than it seemed.

As you rack up experience, avoid letting your historical average dictate your behavior. It’s common to think something like, “I’ve usually done poorly in this type of situation, so I’m not going to do it this time.” Historical averages aren’t indicative of future results, because your skill level will always be improving. A specific approach you bombed at a couple months ago may be easy for you today. Taking advantage of as many opportunities as possible ensures that chances for success aren’t missed.

What’s The Worst That Can Happen?

It’s easy for a guy to psyche himself out of an approach by imagining the worst case scenario and how awful it would feel. This is more than enough to stop guys dead in their tracks, praying that the girl has more balls than he has and approaches him instead (she won’t). The negative outcome of an approach is usually benign, but I can tell you what can happen in a worst case scenario—because it happened to me once in Baltimore, Maryland.

A great training ground for practicing game is in the mega-clubs of Baltimore, where the vibe is more friendly than other East Coast cities. One of the biggest clubs there was a place called Hammerjacks, a former rock music venue that shut down and reopened as a generic dance club.

One night my friends and I were doing our usual thing—grinding with random girls. After the club closed, we milled outside, where club-goers congregate until the cops send everyone home. It was here you’d see a type of Hail Mary game where guys gave one last and often unsuccessful push to get in a girls pants.

In the parking lot, I decided to try some new material I’d thought of. I walked up to a cute white girl standing by herself and said, “Wow, you look drunk!” After the words came out, I wondered why I thought that would be a good opener, but it was too late. She got angry and said, “I’m tired of guys treating me like shit tonight. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I stood there silent, unsure of what to say next. I think it was my silence that gave her permission to continue being aggressive because things quickly got out of hand. She starting cursing and repeating the phrase, “I’m going to fuck you up.”

My friends arrived from the other side of the parking lot and tried to calm her down, but she wanted to fight me and nothing was going to change her mind. I’m not sure why I didn’t move farther away from her, especially when she started cocking her neck back and forth like a chicken, but the next thing I remember was a fist coming right at my face. I leaned back, but she clocked me in my left eye. My friends grabbed her and I walked away with my hand on my face, shocked and embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I had just gotten punched in the face by a girl.

On the ride home there was lots of laughter at my expense as I checked the passenger seat mirror for signs of a black eye. I went to sleep and woke up a humbled man. The next time I went out, I couldn’t bring myself to do a single approach. I was scared that I’d say the wrong thing again and incite female rage. Then I thought about it. That rare and extreme event was the worst thing that could have happened to me, yet only my ego was injured. The meaning of what had happened could be whatever I made it out to be, positive or negative, so I might as well go positive. I could let one girl change my life, ending my journey to be a player right then and there in that parking lot, or I could barrel through that failure to reach the next success—which I was one gigantic step closer to achieving. Weeks after that incident, I became an approach machine, without hesitation or fear.

If the worst that can happen from approaching a woman is an embarrassing but funny story, maybe getting punched in the face isn’t so bad. Now you don’t have to get punched in the face to be successful with your approaches, but you must have the belief that everything happens for the sole reason of improving your game. The last thing you want to do is let a rare incident affect your behavior.

Scientists call these extreme responses the “outliers,” which do nothing to contribute to the statistical significance of your hypothesis. Put simply, they don’t matter. Instead, look at things in terms of the big picture. What’s the trend? What happened with the last ten girls you approached? If seven of them punched you in the face but three of them wanted to bang you right there in the club bathroom, I’d say you’re doing quite well.

It’ll be hard to last long in the game if your brain absorbs every negative incident like a dirty bar rag. That drunk white girl in Baltimore wasn’t only punching me but also my lame line, the guy who grabbed her ass in the club, and the friend who refuses to return her Hootie and the Blowfish CD. She wasn’t rejecting me—she was rejecting my approach because she didn’t know who I was. The only time a girl rejects you for who you are is when she has known you for years. When she knows you for a minute, a day, a week, or a month, you’re not getting rejected for who you are—you’re getting rejected for who she thinks you are. She’s using a small slice of what you presented to place you in a category she can understand.

Because we have no final say in how women see us, it makes little sense to absorb rejection as something personal. Unfortunately, I see guys taking it personally every time I go out. When a guy approaches a girl and gets blown out, you’ll often hear him say something like, “Well, you’re fat anyway” in the presence of his safe group of guy friends. Once you start verbally attacking your targets, your game goes from trying to maximize results to one of pitiful revenge.

Approach Barrier

The likelihood that you’ll approach a girl is related to your mood. Your mind won’t be open or ready to approach if you’ve been especially introverted, silent, or mopey most of the day. Those qualities shut down your ability to take social risks, which we do in the form of approaches. It’s best to train yourself to be “always on” in an extroverted, talkative, and risk-taking state of mind that will increase the likelihood of approaching.

Think of yourself as a computer, which you leave on during the day even when you’re not using it because of the time it takes to boot up. You don’t want to go through the task of psyching yourself up just to say something to a girl you like in line at the coffee shop. The game doesn’t start when you put on your cologne to go out at night—it starts when you’re brushing your teeth in the morning and thinking, “Today I’ll take advantage of opportunities presented to me.” You pump yourself up before you even walk out the door, so if you do run into a cute girl, the decision to act has already been made. If you find yourself in an amazing mood where you’re feeling especially positive and energetic, it’d be smart to get yourself in a place where there are girls. This is a peak state that corresponds to a higher level of success.

Part of your mood is based on how presentable you feel to the opposite sex. If you haven’t showered in days, you’re wearing wrinkled clothing picked out of the hamper, and you feel like a homeless bum wearing them, you’ll be more hesitant to approach. You don’t have to wear expensive clothes, but when you step out the house, regardless of where you’re going, assume there you’re going to encounter a golden approach opportunity. Would you feel comfortable talking to a girl in what you’re wearing?

I used to only shave on Friday mornings to prepare for going out on the weekends. Then when I’d step out on the following Wednesday or Thursday, looking scraggly and not my best (in my mind), I created a situation where it was unlikely I’d approach. Looking mediocre except for the weekends meant I was walking out the door five days a week mentally prepared to do nothing. I was needlessly increasing the “activation energy” to approach.

Activation energy is a well-understood biochemistry concept. One of the first things a biochemist learns is how chemical reactions occur in the body. Your genome codes for thousands of enzymes which act as catalysts to promote reactions that wouldn’t happen on their own. Enzymes make things happen. For any chemical reaction to take place, it must get over a hump known as the activation energy, which is a natural barrier that prevents the original substance from converting to the final product. Getting over that hump is like pushing a rock over a hill—once it passes the top, gravity takes over and it rolls down with ease. Think of approaching women as a chemical reaction with a large activation energy. The enzyme is your brain, full of knowledge and (as time goes on) experience. As you build confidence and become capable, you lower the activation energy, turning the approach from something that never happens on its own to something that happens regularly.

One way to lower the activation energy is to go out with a look you feel comfortable with. Each change that makes you feel more comfortable and confident isn’t that significant on its own, but they all have the cumulative effect of helping to push you over that hill. If the barrier to approach didn’t exist, every guy would approach every cute girl he saw.

Venues

While some venues are easier to approach in than others, women can be approached anywhere. There are no rules about where you can or cannot game, but when starting out you’ll probably make most of your approaches in bars or clubs because that’s where a large number of women tend to congregate.

Bars and clubs are loud, smoky, and artificial, but they offer the most opportunity for practice. There aren’t many other places I can go to that have a dozen or more attractive women I can approach. Bars will be a better bet for you until you get decent at dancing because clubs are louder and the girls there are more concerned with looking pretty than getting laid. While you probably won’t meet your dream girl in a bar or club, you’ll gain enough experience in those venues to be more prepared when you meet her elsewhere.

There’s also a question of whether or not you should drink alcohol. You can run game while completely sober in a bar without problems, but chances are you’ll find your intoxicated targets to be intolerable or they’ll find your sobriety weird. As long as you don’t use alcohol as a crutch to talk to girls, do what you’re most comfortable with. In general, it helps to be on the same level of inebriation as the girl you’re talking to. That means if you’re not drinking, you may want to talk to the designated driver instead of the birthday girl who is about to pass out.

Two other venues are bookstores and coffee shops. Every time I go into one, there are maybe one or two girls I consider attractive. If a girl isn’t surrounded by her friends or a study group, she’s probably wearing headphones, immersed in her studies, or far away from my table. While I’m hesitant to recommend that you take time out of your day to hit a bookstore to meet women, there is value if you already frequent those places. The key to such venues is proper positioning. If you’re one table over from the girl you want to talk to or better yet, if you’re sharing her table, there’s a significant chance of something happening if you open. An opener, the initial line you use to start a conversation, will come naturally because she’ll probably be reading a book or working on something you can comment on.

There’s the internet, which I don’t recommend, even for practice. It’s very rare that trolling on dating or social networking sites will lead to anything besides wasted time. Internet pick-ups turn you into a copy-and-paste monkey, where your skill lies in knowing how to blast dozens of messages in the hope of a single response. While men do get laid from the internet, it’s often with low quality women. If you were a desirable girl that many men wanted, why would you put up an internet profile?

The kind of women who hang around dating sites are ones who have trouble cracking it in a real social scene and would rather sit in a comfortable chair and click through hundreds of emails from horny men. The internet gives them attention and validation without having to leave the house or take a risk. Also, with the disproportional number of guys on dating websites, your message and picture will be lost in a sea of other desperate men.

There are house parties. Parties can serve you well because a girl’s guard will be low due to the fact that she’s in the company of people she knows and trusts. When you approach at a house party, girls will go out of their way to be nice, even if they’re not interested at first. Keeping a conversation going is often easier because your background or friends will be similar. Always choose a house party over a bar, even if it’s a small one, because your odds will be much more favorable.

Organized settings like wine festivals, music concerts, fitness classes, sporting events, art festivals, and dance classes will also present opportunities. Such venues work similar to bookstores and coffee shops, where good positioning is important. If you’re in an exercise bike class, being on the bike next to the girl you like is better than being several bikes over. While luck plays a part in positioning, it’s still up to you to open her. If you’re at a venue that’s an extension of your hobby, chances are that conversations will be easier, since you already have something in common to talk about.

There’s the classroom. I wish I was in college again knowing what I know now. I’d sit next to the hottest girl and start a casual conversation related to the class. Not only do you have something in common, but you have a great excuse to take it outside of the classroom—to “study,” where you can really game her.

There’s the gym. While usually a sausage fest, it could be a great place to meet fit girls. If you like to take it easy in the gym while talking to your friends, approaching may be a natural extension of what you normally do. However, if your workouts are hard and you regularly drown in a sea of your own sweat, changing gears to focus on approaching may prove difficult.

There’s the mall. While it’s the last place I’d personally go to meet women, you may live in a place where the mall is your only option. Under the guise of shopping for a female relative, prowl stores asking female salespeople and girl shoppers for their opinions on various products.

Then there’s everything else: airplanes, airports, buses, subways, outdoor parks, restaurants, and even the street. Wherever women are, it’s possible to approach them. The only limits to where you meet women exist in your head. I remember one time I got the number of a 17-year-old girl who was walking with a pizza while I was sitting in the passenger seat of a friend’s car.

When it comes to finding girls, being creative is important, because every man lives in a different environment. You may not live in a big city with a couple hundred bars, but you do have the old town center where there are crowded weekend concerts. The main idea is to go where the women are and figure out the best way to approach them through experimentation. To get you started, I’m going to share with you the best ways to approach for the most common venues.

The Approach

It would make sense if I said you should take baby steps before you start approaching. First you should learn how to make eye contact with women. Then you should add a smile. Then you should practice just saying, “Hi.” While you’re at it, you should train yourself to be an outgoing people-person by chatting with strangers in line with you at the convenience store.

But I think all of that is unnecessary.

You’ve probably been living in a nice social comfort zone your entire life—there’s little point to continue playing it safe and easy. You must dive right in and shock your system today. The next woman you talk to is one you want to have sex with, not one you want to simply practice having a conversation with. This strategy ensures that there will be no unnecessary lag before your first success, where you waste time on side missions that give you little preparation for the real thing.

It starts now.

When you’re first starting out, it’s best to approach women who aren’t already connected to your life, so girls from work or in your social circle should be avoided for now. Fail with them and gossip ensures that everyone you know will find out about your attempt, something that may be traumatizing for a new student of the game.

When I made my first approaches several years ago, I had little idea about how to interact with a new girl, how to build attraction, or how to close, but I ended up talking to them for extended periods of time and got numbers based on what I already knew as a man. When you want to get into a girl’s pants and your intent is strong, you come up with ways in real time to keep the interaction going, even though later on you may laugh at your attempt. You don’t need to be a game expert to get laid. You don’t need to master everything in this book to start approaching girls. All you need is a little knowledge and the strong desire to succeed.

Realize that there will never be a perfect moment to approach. The idea of the “perfect moment” is a belief held by guys who never approach. If you sit and wait until the moment is right, you only end up psyching yourself out while her group gets larger, the situation gets more complicated, or she ends up leaving. When you’re a beginner, there’s no benefit to waiting more than five seconds when you spot a girl, unless she’s running to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. As Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

I approach girls who just walk into bars, are on their way to the bathroom, or are fighting through a crowd to get a drink. When you see a girl you like, pick the opener you want to use, go up to her, and deliver it. Even if your mind is completely blank, just say “Hey,” because there’s a chance she’ll help you out with conversation. Some guys have the belief that girls don’t want to be approached, but it shouldn’t be up to her what you decide to do. If you like her, go up to her and make an attempt. What she thinks really doesn’t matter.

An actual approach takes only a few seconds. You see a girl you like, maneuver close to her, and then deliver your opening line. When it comes to learning how to approach, success isn’t measured by whether you’re able to get a conversation going or not, but whether you approach. The attempt is more important than the result. Just say the words. In the grand scheme of things, no one approach is going to break you. Each one is just a drop in the bucket, so don’t let a tough rejection get you down or detour you from pursuing your final goal.

To open, simply walk up to a girl, stop two feet away from her, look in her eyes, and deliver your line. She’ll see you as you walk toward her and expect you to say something once you stop. Your body should face her at a slight glancing angle to show that she still needs to prove herself before you’ll give her your complete attention. If you’re planted and she’s walking by you, make eye contact and deliver the line as she’s moving, understanding that it may take a second or two for her to realize you were talking to her. In both cases, speak loudly. Many times a girl may seem to ignore you, not because she was trying to snub you but because she didn’t hear you or didn’t know you were talking to her. In clubs, I often have to yell my opener. You want to speak loud enough so that there’s no doubt that you’re talking to her.

There are two multi-purpose openers you can use almost anywhere. The first is, “Hey, you look like you’re having the most fun here out of anyone.” When used in a bar or club, it’s said with enthusiastic sarcasm to match the mood of the venue. When said everywhere else, it’s said with relaxed sarcasm, unless she really is having lots of fun. Then you can just say it straight.

Say the “hey” with a healthy volume to get her attention so that she’ll make eye contact with you. Once she does, deliver the rest of the line. Always crack a slight smirk to let her know that you’re being playful. She’ll respond with laughter or something simple like “Really?” or “I know, I am!”

She’s now opened. The reason this line works well is because you’re joking that she appears bored, so you start the interaction with her qualifying herself to you. (By qualifying herself, I mean she’s explaining or rationalizing a perceived flaw.) The advantages of this opener are that it’s easy to deliver and doesn’t need adjustment based on where you are. The disadvantage is that you’ll still need something else to continue the conversation.

When you’re opening a group of girls, simply add the word “guys.” Say, “Hey, you guys look like you’re having the most fun here out of anyone.” Again, keep your volume up, to make sure they all hear it—you don’t want the conversation to start with someone asking, “What did you say?” When I use this opener, I follow up with, “I thought I was having the most fun here, but then I saw you. Do you like this bar?” Then I continue making comments about our shared environment or I stack another opener after it, such as the second opener.

The second opener is, “Hey, let me guess. You’re from ________.” Like the previous opener, you wait until eye contact is established before continuing after the “hey.” Make sure you do a dramatic two-second pause after you say, “Let me guess.”

Feel free to add a slight squint, as if you’re thinking. You’re going to guess where she’s from, whether it be a city, state, or country. I like using this opener on girls who are obviously not American, because you can dive into a guessing game about what country she’s from. It’s win-win for you, because if you get her country wrong, she’ll usually want you to keep guessing, continuing the interaction, and if you guess right, she’ll be impressed and ask how you knew.

To double my chances of getting her country right, I cheat a little with something like, “You are either from Argentina or Mexico.” Even with girls who aren’t ethnic, this opener still works well: just guess that they’re half German or Norwegian (there’s a good chance her ancestors will be from somewhere in Europe). For girls who are acting snobby, show that you aren’t impressed with their demeanor by guessing they’re from a place like Romania or West Virginia. As long as a girl doesn’t blow you off after you say “hey,” this opener leads to conversation.

If the girl is in a group, say, “Hey, let me guess…you guys are from Argentina,” or “You guys are from Argentina or Colombia,” or “I have a feeling that at least one of you is from Argentina.”

This opener works because of the guessing component, so it can easily be modified to start a conversation about almost anything. For instance, if you see a girl writing in a bookstore, you can say, “Let me guess. You’re writing the next great American novel.” If you’re at a concert, you can say, “Let me guess. You’ve been a fan since before they made it big.”

You can tone down the initial phrasing of this opener if you’re in a more relaxed venue. In a coffee shop, for example, I’d say, “Hey, I’m just curious…are you from Argentina?”

Can you see yourself saying these lines to girls? A monkey could do it. While they’re powerful, even the best opener isn’t going to work all the time, but these are the most effective openers I’ve used. Not coincidentally, they’re also the simplest. As for which one to use in certain situations, you can’t go wrong with either of them. These openers take away the “What am I going to say?” excuse that prevents many guys from talking to a girl they like. Even if you completely freeze after the opener, the fact that you opened and made yourself a presence in her world will dramatically increase your chance of getting something.

Understand: a successful opener only serves to start a conversation. They don’t have to be lengthy or complicated. I prefer short and simple openers as my heavy guns because they’re more genuine and easy to deliver. If you need to spend time memorizing your opener, what you’ll have is a routine, which we’ll discuss later.

An important type of opener is the environmental opener. This is when your opener is based on something in the surrounding environment. They take improvisational skill to come up with, but open better than their scripted counterparts because they have a natural feel. Oftentimes you’ll be somewhere and have thoughts about what you’re seeing or experiencing. All you have to do is use those thoughts as an opener to a girl near you.

For example, one night I was riding in a quiet subway car when a drunk man started singing to himself. I looked at the girl next to me and said, “I think everyone here needs some of what he’s having.” I ended up getting her number. Another example was at a wine festival, where I was sampling a particular wine and sarcastically told a girl, “This is the best wine I’ve ever tasted in my life.” Asking about something unusual or unique a girl has on by saying, “What does that mean?” is also effective.

These openers work because they describe her current reality. I end up saying stupid things all the time, but as long as a conversation results, my opener was a success. The bar for environmental openers are lower than for scripted openers—they can be far from perfect and still be very effective. But even if you can’t think of one, you’ll have two sure-fire openers to use.

There are some additional bar openers worth mentioning. The first makes fun of the nightlife scene when people are trying hard to be cool. It works on girls who are standing alone or in large groups. Say, “Hey, I was wondering if you can help me out. My friends and I are looking for the best spot here where we can pose.” If you’re dealing with more than one girl, say “hey guys” instead of “hey.” Unless she’s walking past you, always wait for eye contact before continuing the line. She’ll ask you to clarify, and then you’ll repeat “to pose” until she gets it. Then add, “Yeah, because I’ve been working out a lot at the gym, and I just wanted girls to be able to see my new muscles.”

This is when a slight smirk develops on your face and the girl will let out a laugh because she’ll finally get your joke. This opener allows you to have a conversation about the things guys and girls do in clubs to get attention and win approval from others.

A variant to this opener is when you use dancing instead of posing: “Do you know the best spot here where me and my friend can dance, a place where the lighting is good? My friend is a club dancer and he needs a good spot to show off his moves.” You can then add, “And I’ve been practicing a little bit in front of the mirror myself.” Once the joke is over and a humorous opener plays itself out, say, “All kidding aside” and then follow with the “let me guess” opener (which technically wouldn’t be an opener by that time) or the female opinion routine we’ll discuss shortly.

Another bar opener you can use is when a girl accidentally touches you in a crowded bar, which is a common occurrence. Say, “Excuse me, but you touched my back. I really need a lot of personal space.” They’ll often respond with a sarcastic apology. Follow that with a sure-fire opener.

When you’re at the bar trying to get a drink and a cute girl is next to you trying to get one, too, say, “I bet you I can get a drink faster than you can.” When a girl is trying to squeeze in next to you at the bar, you can say, “Sorry, this is my bar space—there’s no room for you right now. I need a lot of space.”

These openers are silly, but they’re very effective at breaking the ice. It’s hard to go wrong with humor, though for a split second you want her to think you’re serious—until you crack a slight smirk.

When I was first studying the game I had dozens of openers organized in a spreadsheet, but it made approaching so complex that I actually approached less. I’d sit and stare at a girl, wondering which opener was best for that particular situation. As a result, I wouldn’t do anything. At this point, you have two default openers that work well in most cases, an environmental opener that lets you open anywhere you have a unique thought or opinion, and a handful of fun bar openers. That’s all you need! It’s best to keep it simple, because too many options lead to paralysis.

Approach Logistics

There are other approach details you’ll need to know besides speaking. The first is positioning. She could be alone, with friends, in a circle, in a semi-circle, facing outward, sitting on a bar stool, sitting at a table, or dancing. The perfect setup for you will be a girl standing alone next to the bar facing outward, smiling as you come into view.

That said, the perfect setup never happens.

You’ll always have to do some maneuvering to place yourself in a position to approach and talk to her. The typical scenario you’ll face is when your target is talking to one or two girlfriends. If she’s just with one other friend, you’ll have to address them both until someone else comes into the picture. Don’t let a single guy in a group of girls stop you from approaching, because chances are he’s trying to bang one of the girls and would welcome another male to distract her friends. Just use your usual opener and include him in the conversation so he doesn’t get insecure and try to blow you off. If you treat the guy with respect, there’s a good chance that he’ll treat you with respect as well—or even assist you.

In groups with guys, ask how everyone knows each other. If she happens to say something like, “And my boyfriend is over there,” then you may either want to move on to her friend or politely leave the group. Even if the group is all girls, go ahead and ask, because they may tell you something about their background that you can use later, like a shared school or city.

Approaching a girl sitting down is tougher. Other than the walk of shame you have to perform if you fail, the fact that you’re standing while she’s sitting down and relaxed gives her more power than you. Regardless, deliver your standard opener as you normally would. If the interaction continues and she’s giving you positive signals by asking questions, do a “false time constraint,” one of the oldest tricks in the book. Pull up a chair, sit down, and say, “I can only sit down for a minute.” Then continue the conversation like nothing happened. It will be clear if she didn’t want you to sit down because she’ll close up and stop talking to you. No big deal. Just say goodbye, smile, and walk away. Under no circumstance do you ask if you can sit down. Sitting down is important because approaches in which you’re standing and she’s not have a lifespan of less than five minutes.

Once you start talking to her, avoid common mistakes like too much smiling when nothing funny was said, too much bending over when it’s not loud in the room, and too many fast movements due to being nervous and excited. These signs indicate to a girl that the guy probably doesn’t have a lot of experience and is overly happy to be talking to her. If you find yourself using these behaviors, slow things down and lean back. Not only does this act as a way to dissociate yourself from the interaction, but it displays the correct “I don’t care” body language. (Humans tend to lean toward a person who is pulling away from them, whether it be with body language or emotions.)

There will be a lot of situations where no textbook answer will be available to guide you. For instance, what if you’re going upstairs and you see a really cute girl coming downstairs? Do you get in her way or do you make a U-turn and start stalking her? (I get in her way and playfully accuse her of going down the wrong side of the stairs.) How about if you approach a group of girls and the one you don’t like is chatting you up the most? Do you continue talking with her in the hopes of incorporating yourself into the group or do you gently reject her and move on to your target? (I talk to her for no more than a minute until I ask the girl I prefer a question that starts a new conversation.)

The best way to deal with the hundreds of possible situations that occur in a pick-up is to do something and then take note of the result. If the result wasn’t favorable, try something different next time. This willingness to experiment will quickly get you up to speed with the situations that happen most frequently.

It’s through experimentation that you’ll discover a style of game that works best for you. One night I tried to do a little experiment with one-word openers in a large club. I stuck with a simple “hey” or “hi” and tried only those for the entire night. For a reason that’s still not clear to me, I learned that “hey” did a much better job than “hi” at stopping girls and getting their attention. I run a different experiment almost every time I go out, just to see what happens and to discover the style that works best for me. It’s possible that you’re so different from me that “hi” will actually work better than “hey,” but there’s no way to find out unless you try them both. The only time I keep experimentation to a minimum is when it counts—when I’m gaming a girl that I consider above the rest. Then it’s best to use the game I already know works.

If you see a girl you like and think about approaching her, you must do it, no matter how difficult or unnatural the situation may appear, even if you feel nervous and know you’re going to bomb. I often find myself in a coffee shop where there is a tough approach at the table next to me. Even if I’m not in the mood and think the odds of a successful approach are zero, I still make myself do it. Not only does this eliminate the fear of approaching over time, but it also teaches you how to deal with tough situations.

It won’t be common that a girl you like is going to be standing alone in a place without distraction where everyone knows your name. She’s going to be surrounded by factors that will make it difficult for you, and the sooner you harden your mind to deal with these situations, the faster you’ll get better at handling them.

Before I talk about how to build attraction after the opener, let’s take a detour and discuss what attitude, or vibe, girls find most attractive.

The Vibe

There’s an optimal vibe to possess that will attract most women—one that is effective at hitting their attraction buttons. No matter what you look like or what game style you implement, it gives you the most bang for your time and energy buck, eliminating the need to make game adjustments for different types of girls. It’s what you see in many successful players.

Let’s call it The Vibe.

Men with The Vibe appreciate and value life. This appreciation leads to desirable qualities women find attractive, such as an acceptance of who you are. You look at the big picture and become indifferent to life’s trivialities. You’re in control of your emotions and don’t let any one person or event break you down. If you believe that your time here on Earth is limited and that your destiny is what you create, it’s impossible to treat approaching and dating and banging as more than a fun diversion to entertain yourself with. When something doesn’t go your way, you respond with humor and wit instead of anger and emotion. You understand that your energy is better suited for the big battles—such as job layoffs or family deaths—and not for rejections by strangers. You’re a surfer riding a wave, adapting to its energy instead of fighting it. You adjust to your environment, getting the most out of the situations you face, whether you’re riding small East Coasters or the monsters of Hawaii.

Emotional control is the most important component of The Vibe. With it, your intellect and logic will always be dominant over the more primitive areas of your brain, allowing you to solve problems and make rapid adjustments (it’s hard to make the strategic decisions required of the game if you get easily upset or angry). You don’t have a deep concern over your interactions with women—if you’re doing things “right” or not—because you know one interaction doesn’t determine your value as a human being.

Indirectly, having emotional control shows that you’re not needy. You don’t cling to a girl early on when you have your emotions in check. You show that you aren’t counting on any one person or event for your happiness. Women you meet will play their games and wonder why you aren’t reacting like all the other guys. In the process of trying to get you to react and respond, she’ll give you enough attention for you to tighten the attraction hold and to move things forward.

Appreciating life means you’re more likely to spend your free time educating yourself with books, travel, and unique experiences. As a result, you’ll always have something interesting to say when you meet a new girl. A desire to become more cultured and mentally sharp gives you an unlimited supply of topics to discuss with intelligence and wisdom, a quality women find attractive. You don’t ask the same boring questions all other guys ask because you understand that to be an interesting person you need to say interesting things, and to say interesting things you need to experience them firsthand.

Another result of appreciating life is that you place a high value on your time. You don’t waste it with people who aren’t fulfilling your needs. You’re choosy about the friends you hang out with and the women you date. You have no problem walking away from a girl who isn’t your type, whether it be three minutes or three months into the interaction. You know what quality is and feel that you deserve to have it in your life. A girl is lucky you selected her to hang out with you because you’ll give her the best of what your personality and experience have to offer. While it’s okay to have fun in a bar and talk to average girls for cheap thrills and practice, you’ll commit the bulk of your time and energy to girls who are worth it. Selecting for quality displays that you are quality.

A final component of The Vibe is having a playful nature. It’s present in people who have the ability to quickly develop connections with others. Being playful with a sense of humor attracts girls like a magnet because of the positive atmosphere it creates. While you don’t want to be a clown, understand that playfulness is an extremely effective human bonding technique. Your sense of humor can be dry, sharp, or sarcastic, as long as it accurately describes or pokes fun of the world we live in. Being playful doesn’t mean you have to be loud and attention-seeking—it means you put a fun spin on all types of situations you find yourself in.

The Vibe uses a strategy to build attraction through personality instead of factors like status, looks, and money. Even if you possess those things, it’s still best to use your personality to attract women because it offers a stronger hook to catch those that are less superficial. There’s always going to be another guy with higher status, better looks, or more money than you, but the odds that he’ll have the same awesome personality are miniscule.

Three years after getting into the game, I had my shit together. I had a successful career and lived in a large house in a good neighborhood. I had a motorcycle and bartended part-time at an upscale venue. I had a respectable brand-name wardrobe and I had just ended a short but successful club DJ career. When I met a new girl, I would not-so-casually tell her how cool I was by bringing up my motorcycle, my bartending gig, and my experience as a DJ.

On paper I thought I had all the cool qualities a girl needed, but I proceeded to have the worst slump since getting into the game. The reason was because I stopped using my personality to attract girls. Instead I was using accomplishments or status to try to impress her, just like every other guy. After I realized what I was doing, I went back to depending on The Vibe and started withholding information about myself so girls would have to dig to find out more. I went back to being an interesting, mysterious character instead of just another guy who owned a sport bike.

You must resist the temptation to brag about all the qualities you think are positive. It’s much better if the girl finds out on her own and wonders what else could be buried inside. Be like a Russian doll, with layers upon layers of substance. By the time she has sex with you, she’ll know less than half of all your positive qualities. As time goes on and she learns more, she’ll get even more hooked on you because you didn’t blurt out your qualities in an obvious attempt to impress her when you first met.

The Vibe possesses features that are indirectly communicated to the girls you meet. In other words, it is subcommunicated through exposure to your words and body language. You never say that you value your time or are playful—it becomes a part of your essence that leaks out to those who interact with you. For example, men who value their time tend to be selective about the girls they choose to spend time with. This attitude manifests itself in words when he says things to girls like, “You’re pretty weird” or “You’re too old for me” without conscious effort on his part. It just comes out—and she gets more into him as a result.

Instead of teaching you a hundred different lines, it’s more effective to teach you the mindset that produces them. Once you’ve mastered this mindset, talking to girls will be easier and more of them will be interested in you.

Conversation, Themes, And Threads

One of the biggest problems guys have is running out of things to say after the approach. This is a real problem, because a prolonged silence less than thirty minutes into the conversation is certain death. If I pause for longer than ten seconds during those initial thirty minutes, the pick-up will die.

The good news is that later on in the night, and on the first date and after, silences are not only accepted but welcome. They show that you’re not trying too hard to please her. But this is well after she has decided she wants to spend time with you.

There are two reasons why silence early on is bad. First, girls don’t have many things to say to people they’re not sure about. Until she feels attracted to you, she won’t have the need to work through an awkward silence. Second, most girls believe that if two people have instant chemistry, there’s no reason to run out of things to say right after meeting. To her, both of you should be tripping over each other in deep conversation.

While instant chemistry does happen, you’ll usually grow on her after a period of time. Therefore, you’ll be doing more than 70% of the talking for at least thirty minutes after the approach. Once she becomes comfortable with you and decides she’s interested, there will be less pressure to come up with things to say.

This early-stage conversation may sound random to an eavesdropping spectator, but it’s actually structured and highly organized, because you have a goal and an accompanying strategy of using The Vibe, tested material, and soon, specific moves to escalate the encounter—in the form of effective routines for building attraction.

No matter how smart or interesting you are, it’s impossible to speak for those first thirty minutes without messing up, saying something stupid, or going into a completely lame topic. Luckily, girls will give you a pass on many of the foolish things you’ll say. They understand that not every sentence that comes out of your mouth has to be a blockbuster, but if you continue to bomb, she’ll boo you off the stage.

When you first start talking to a new girl, you may be so pumped that you talk too fast, interrupt her, and disregard things she has said because you had another line or statement in mind. You’ll have the urge to say things already marinated in your head, even though the conversation is going somewhere else. Resist that temptation, because it leads to choppy, disconnected conversation. Realize that the more she talks, the better, because she’ll be giving you ideas and material to continue even further. Talk at a normal, relaxed pace, like you would to a close buddy.

An entire conversation will have many threads (topics that lead to other topics). Threads promote natural conversation because you can easily hop around without getting stuck on a path that leads to a dead-end. The conversation you have from following those threads will be created on the fly, depending upon the direction and energy of the interaction. Even though you’ll use the same thread repeatedly on different girls, there’s no need to memorize the delivery word-for-word.

Conversation threads can be categorized into themes. The first theme is people, which includes conversation about you, her, or others. It concerns appearances, trends, rumors, gossip, and observations (people watching). For instance, you can gently tease her (without making fun of her) about something she’s wearing or something unique to her look. Example: “I noticed your shoes match your shirt. I think you did that on purpose.” She’ll say she did. Your response: “I understand, because it took me forever to match my outfit.”

Go on to give your thoughts about how people look in the environment you’re in and the patterns you’ve noticed. For instance, if she’s wearing a large necklace, say, “Have you noticed that the things people are wearing on their necks are getting larger and larger?” Throw in a Flavor Flav reference about how he pioneered large neck jewelry. It’s okay to talk about clothing as long as you show only basic fashion knowledge (if you start dropping words like “couture,” the girl may think you’re a homosexual). I like to go into a spiel about my four-year-old jeans and how the holes are “natural” and “can’t be duplicated.”

Rumors and gossip are related threads that fall within the people theme. Take advantage of a girl’s addiction to both by using them in conversation. Example: “There’s a rumor going around that you don’t like my shirt. Is that true? My mom helped me pick it out.” Or point to the poorest looking guy in the place and say, “You see that guy over there? He’s the owner. He doesn’t look like it, does he?” Your friends are a great source for fabricating fun tales. My favorite: “My friend right here used to be a club dancer. He used to dance in those cages suspended from the ceiling. Not many people know this, but he regularly wore costumes with feathers.”

People watching is another thread you can use. Simply point out a couple and say, “What do you think about these two? Do you think they’re just friends, or something more?” After she gives her opinion, give yours with an interesting analysis. Example: “They’re definitely just friends, because their faces are more than sixteen inches apart, which, according to psychologists, is the intimacy threshold.” Or say, “They’re definitely going out, because he appears to actually be listening to her.”

The next theme is current state. You make fun observations or pose interesting questions about the current environment you’re sharing. If you’re at a bar, say, “I really like how this loud bar makes it so easy for us to connect. Through the smoke, distractions, and loud music, our bond cannot be broken.” Add, “It’s ironic that the place most people meet others in is a place where it’s hardest to do.” Maybe throw in a statement of the ideal way to meet someone, involving little pieces of paper that ask, “Do you like me?” with answers of “Yes,” “No,” and “Maybe.”

If a girl looks slightly bored, say, “If you’re not having a good time, I recommend you get up on the bar and dance. Any time I see a girl dancing on the bar, she looks pretty happy, though it doesn’t work for me.” If you’re in a snobby environment, say, “God, this bar scene is so fake. Everyone is just about appearances and possessions. So what kind of car do you drive?” Another line: “I’d dance, but I don’t want to make everyone here jealous of my skills. I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good.” Another one: “I thought I’d get a private table with bottles of Grey Goose, but I think I’m going to keep it low-key tonight and mingle with the commoners.” Another: “I hope this is a good place where I can find an older woman to wine and dine me and take me on vacation.” And finally: “Hmmm, the music here is kind of lame. I hope they put on some Madonna soon.”

Additional current state themes include talking about how the location reminds you of something else. For instance, if you’re at a coffee shop, say, “I only come here because people watching motivates me to work. At home I can’t get anything done.” If you’re on public transportation, say, “Doesn’t it look like everyone here is really sad? It’s like people make the effort to look mean or upset so no one talks to them.” Don’t ask a girl if she comes to a certain place often, because it’s too cliché. If you’re really curious, say, “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” These types of statements have the potential to create interesting conversation, as long as both of you have opinions relating to them. They make it easy for her to talk. Things you’ve observed about life and specific environments usually make for great threads.

Threads about travel are highly recommended because they allow you to go into stories that reveal some of the amazing things you’ve experienced. It doesn’t have to be international travel—even if you just visited one city over, you can still tell her about something interesting you observed. The basic formula for beginning travel threads is: “I was recently at _______,” followed by a short anecdote. For example: “I was recently at this bar in Barcelona and there was a main floor where everyone danced and a small room upstairs that only had men. It was so small that they were touching and grinding on each other. It was interesting.” Or “I was recently at this bar in York, Pennsylvania, where I learned to really appreciate the scene we have here.” Then go into the scene differences. You can also go into travel experiences with: “That reminds me of the time I was in _______.” Another travel thread: “I read that more than 98% of Americans don’t have a passport. I was pretty surprised, because as the richest country in the world, you’d think that most people here would be interested in learning about other cultures.” What’s great about a line like this is that it qualifies her (if she hasn’t traveled recently, her value decreases compared to yours). Travel threads work well on girls who are adventurous and travel themselves.

The future theme is my personal favorite. Here you can be creative and really get her imagination going. It’s also more exciting than talking about the present, which probably involves both of you wage-slaving away in some cubicle. I have an anti-corporation routine I use often: “I’ve been working for six years and while I like my job, I’m really curious about what else is out there. I don’t want to be 70 years old and on my death bed, wondering how my life would have been if I hadn’t taken a chance.” Maybe you want to start an interesting business or do something creative like painting or writing. These are great things to share because they show that you have a passion you’re working on and that you aren’t someone who just fills his spare time with expensive, meaningless hobbies. Bring these up in a casual way that fits naturally into the conversation.

A heavy but thought-provoking question I like to throw out after I’ve talked about my plans is, “So, what do you plan on doing with your life?” When it’s obvious you’re both single, say, “I prefer a fantasy relationship like I see in the movies instead of one where I have to, you know, sacrifice. I don’t know anyone who wants to sacrifice in relationships anymore.” By now you’ve probably noticed that I like to ask questions or bring up topics that stir up a little insecurity or doubt. This is because I want her to focus on her flaws and problems instead of mine. She’s on stage being evaluated, not me, increasing the likelihood that she’ll do things to impress me.

Then we have the qualification theme. The threads will be about her and whether she’s capable in a way you desire. You won’t come out and say, “So, do you possess the qualities I want in a woman?” But you’ll insinuate it. She’ll then assume you’re selective and know what you want.

Ask if she cooks. I say, “I had a female roommate once and she was great at cooking frozen chicken nuggets, but nothing else.” If she can’t cook and you love home-cooked meals, say, “Minus a million points!” as if you’re keeping a running tally of her worth. You can exchange cooking with a skill that’s important to you. If you’re an artist, you can ask if she draws or paints. An important one for me is if she takes care of her body. I ask girls if they go to the gym, and almost all of them, regardless of weight, say yes. Then I dive into a fun bit where I ask her to flex. She’ll flex her bicep and I gently squeeze it to size up her muscle. Then I say, “Okay, go ahead and flex…any time now.” Since she is already flexing, the joke is that her muscle is too small. (Credit goes to Mystery, who came up with it first.) Then I flex for her and tell her how I dominate in the gym and scare little children. Feel free to add, “Actually I got so big that I had to stop going for a while.” This works especially well if you’re not huge.

Then there are qualification threads where you peg her on something that’s not entirely favorable. For instance: “You seem like the kind of girl who likes reality television. Am I right?” I then add with a smile, “I don’t watch TV anymore. I’ve weaned myself off the glass teat.” The questions you ask will depend upon what you want in a girl. Just like when a manager interviews you for a position and asks about your experience, you’ll ask a girl in a fun and indirect way about the qualities you desire. Ask if she has them and then provide an interesting explanation about that quality. I also ask a girl where she lives because I’m not trying to spend hours on the road to date her. I then go into a story that long-distance relationships are a myth, like the yeti.

If she grew up in a different city, state, or country than you, ask about the differences she’s noticed. It would be a good opportunity to explain what you like or don’t like about the city you’re sharing at the moment, which makes interesting conversation easy. Bring up qualification questions at about the 10–20 minute mark. They’ll have more impact if you’ve been talking a while.

Finally, you have the screwball theme, where you throw out odd questions when the conversation is stalling despite your best attempts. Here you’ll get a chance to experiment with exotic material that teaches you how women respond in atypical situations. Ask a girl what reasons she’d attribute to the fall of the Roman Empire, adding “Well, according to the movie Gladiator…” Ask, “What artistic period do you think best represented the humanity of man?” Ask what “once in a blue moon” really means. If girls respond well to your screwball questions, you may want to incorporate them into your standard game. These types of questions teach you to relax and not take the game so seriously.

I don’t recommend you talk about sex. You can still get laid by asking her questions about porno and her favorite sex positions, but I can’t help but shake something an old friend once told me: “Those who talk about sex the most are the ones who get it the least.” After you have sex with a girl, I recommend short exchanges where you tell her about sexual things you like, but before that, talking about it isn’t going to help. For all a girl knows, I’m a virgin who doesn’t even know what sex is. This is good news if you’re sexually inexperienced, because if you don’t bring it up, chances are she won’t either.

Threads serve to help keep the conversation going. Because conversations aren’t scripted or memorized, you’ll be going into approaches with just some ideas and key words of what to talk about. From that point you’ll need to use your brain to maintain interesting conversation in real time. These threads fill silences with material that builds attraction. While we want to hop naturally from one thread to the next, if you’re facing a deadly silence, just blurt out whatever’s in your head. It’s okay to seem a little random for the sake of continuing the interaction.

The guys who are fast learners at pick-up were already chatty beforehand. All they had to do was change a little of their content to optimize it for a different purpose and audience. If you aren’t chatty, you’ll need to get chatty, because the game is more Night at the Improv than Swingers. Improvisational comedians never say the exact same thing twice, but they do go into their acts with a huge toolbox of staple jokes, facial expressions, and stock phrases. The only difference is that their primary goal is to make people laugh while yours is to get laid. Even though most of the examples I’ve given use humor, keep in mind that their purpose is to hook her attention, make her laugh, and to get ready for a conversation during which you’re going to display value through your opinions, wit, and experience. Humor also helps us screen girls who take themselves too seriously. Her failure to understand your humor tells you it’s time to move on to a girl who is more down-to-earth and open to your game.

The threads I’ve shared so far have statements that you’ll be tempted to memorize, but even for me they never come out the same way twice. They always change and evolve. Exceptions are scripted routines, which remain static because they’re already optimized. If you have trouble remembering threads or routines you want to use, I recommend sending yourself a text message and locking it so it stays in your inbox. No one will know what you’re doing when you want to take a peek.

Routines

Routines are scripted material that’s effective at building attraction. Unlike conversation threads, which are fluid and short, routines are longer, more static, and harder to deliver. In this section I’ll discuss two routines that are worth your time to study, ones I’ve used hundreds of times. Additional routines that are best used on dates will be discussed later in the book.

A popular routine that has been passed on since the turn of the century is the opinion opener. While many guys use it to open, I find that its effectiveness is maximized when used after the opener. The routine starts with, “Hey, I need a female opinion on something.” You ask your question and then explain it thoroughly to allow for a rich answer. The impact of this opener is not the question, but the explanation you give, during which you display your humor and confidence.

My default opinion routine concerns mustaches: “I’m going to grow a mustache, and I know it’s going to be popular once I start the trend again, but I’m wondering what kind of mustache should I grow. Should it curl up or down?” The girl will laugh and tell me that I shouldn’t grow a mustache at all, and then I go on to say that a real man shouldn’t bring a razor to his face. As usual, say these humorous or sarcastic lines with a slight smirk. Pick a creative question that lets you go on about whatever it is you are asking.

Another example of a fun opinion routine: “My friend has fallen on tough times and is working for cleaning services at a local high school, but he doesn’t know how to bring it up to girls he meets. Should he lie?” You can add, “Would you date a school janitor if he had a great personality?” Playfully tease her if she hesitates to answer. It’s okay if your opinion isn’t based on complete truth, but the more it relates to your life, the more natural your delivery will be.

The next routine is the most powerful I have. It’s something I make sure to use with every girl I talk to because it hits each positive component of The Vibe. It’s the “I want to break up with you” routine.

The best time to do it is about 5–10 minutes into the interaction, after you’ve already established stable conversation.

First, set up the routine by asking a question that shows how you and your target are different. Because I like cats and most girls like dogs, I ask a girl, out of the blue, “Do you like cats or dogs?” If she likes cats like I do, I postpone the routine. But if she says dogs (most do), I appear disappointed and say, “Oh, really. That’s not good because I really like cats.” Then I begin the routine: “I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. We’re going to have to break up.” Have a disappointed look on your face. The average response will be laughter, but sometimes the girl starts role-playing as your newly-dumped girlfriend. She’ll say, “Oh, no, how am I going to go on with life?” You’ll continue: “I know it will be very hard for you to move on because it will be impossible to find a guy like me, but I’m sure as the years go by, there may be a guy who is a suitable replacement.” Another thing you can say is, “I know we had a lot of good times together, so this really wasn’t an easy decision, but I know for me it’s the right thing to do.” Then, once you’ve passed the role-playing peak, hit her with the good news: “But then there’s the good news. Yesterday I saved a lot of money on my car insurance.” If any one routine defines my game, this is it—optimized over years of practice. I can’t stress how important it is to include this in your game.

If both of you like the same animal, you’ll have to manufacture a quality where there is a difference in preference. Sometimes I use her age if we’re more than a couple years apart. It doesn’t matter what quality you use, because you just want a plausible segue to get the routine going. You can also launch into this routine after asking her one of your qualification questions from earlier (such as “Can you cook?”).

You may have an initial resistance to using scripted material, but chances are you’re already using them. If you’ve ever told a story more than once, you’re using a routine, a conversational piece that you know your audience will positively respond to. If you’ve ever repeated an opinion with the same backing evidence, you’ve used a routine. Openers and routines come together to form a conversation that girls enjoy. You’re giving them what they want: fun vibes from an interesting guy.

The only problem with repeating the same thing over and over again is that you tend to go from telling to reciting—you begin to talk faster and limit eye contact while you stare off in space and speak from memory. As long as you keep your pace at a normal rate and maintain eye contact at all times, there’s little probability that she’ll think you’re using a routine—and even if she does, as long as she’s enjoying your company, she won’t care.

Through threads and routines, you’ll be saying a lot of funny things, but whatever you do, don’t laugh at your own jokes. The single unifying trait of lame men everywhere is that they laugh at their own material, regardless of whether their audience thought they were funny or not. It’s a sign of insecurity. If you tell a joke and the girl doesn’t laugh, you shouldn’t laugh. Don’t repeat jokes or sayings that people don’t respond to, a strong hint to drop them from your repertoire.

Once you understand the structure of a good routine, you can create them on your own. A custom routine has to start with an observation or realization about a topic that girls understand. For instance, let’s say I’ve noticed that girls look attractive when the bar lights are turned down low and I want to see if this would be a good topic to introduce into my game. First, I relay my observation to her in the form of a question. Then, after allowing her to respond, I give an explanation with added detail, humor, or storytelling. For example: “I’ve been to a lot of bars and clubs in the area and I’ve made note of the ones with the least amount of light. Now I go to the dark ones so I can be surrounded by only beautiful people. It’s like I’m in Sweden. The only problem is that if you meet someone in the dark, you have to hang out in places that are dark as well.” Here I imply that I’m well-traveled, knowledgeable of the scene, and aware of female attractiveness.

Routines are an indirect, non-bragging way to tell a girl how awesome you are. After I construct a new routine, I try it out a few times to see if girls respond positively. Does the routine result in interesting conversation that flows? Is it easy to jump from this routine into other topics? If so, I add it to my collection. Otherwise I drop it and experiment with another one.

It’s great when you come up with a blockbuster routine that makes her cry with laughter, but a routine’s purpose is also to keep the conversation going, to build attraction, and to serve as a vehicle to share your opinions, wit, and humor. Some of your routines should be sedate, because a nonstop barrage of excitement may cause her to see you as a performer. Pretend you’re a DJ who throws in a crappy song every now and then to make the good songs seem really good by comparison.

Routines are a necessary component of your game because they display your value while filling in those first thirty minutes. Soon you’ll speak in routine form because they’re the most optimal way to present ideas, opinions, and stories.

Compliments And Insults

None of the material I’ve discussed so far contains direct compliments. There’s a time and place for simple ones, such as “You look nice tonight” on dates when a girl’s interest in you is obvious, but compliments early on are difficult to implement without appearing beta or too nice. This is especially true with regard to her looks. Never tell a girl that she is beautiful or hot, because that increases her value relative to yours—unless you happen to be more handsome than she is beautiful. Not complimenting will help because you’re withholding a reward that all women want, one they’ll stick around to hear.

As an extension to not complimenting a girl, don’t discuss your feelings of emotion or attraction for her. Never tell a girl you like her or feel something for her. Beta males have a serious problem with telling their lady friends they like them as more than a friend, even though they know nothing good can come out of it. Only in movies will discussing your feelings get the desirable female.

We don’t use direct game, where we walk up to a girl and tell her she is beautiful. We use indirect game without compliments, where she’s never completely sure about our feelings for her. She’s always forced to interpret our words instead of being certain that she has our affection. You’re not hiding anything—you’re just being mysterious. But resist the urge to try to make your actions indirect by toning down the way you get her number, ask her out, or kiss her. Don’t get the barista’s email address by saying you want to send her a picture when what you really want to do is have a drink with her. Ask if she wants to have a drink with you. Don’t ask a coworker (who works in a faraway department, I hope) out to lunch under the guise of talking about work-related matters when what you really want to do is eventually sleep with her. Ask if she wants to have lunch, with no qualifications.

We don’t tell her we want to bang her, but we don’t hide it either. Our intent is strong in our heads, vague in our words, and assertive through our actions, a balance that is only mastered with experience. I often talk to a girl in a club with my hand resting on the top of her ass while at the same time teasing her that there’s no way it’s going to work out between us.

The opposite of a compliment is an insult—something you should also avoid. If we had a linear scale with a compliment on one end being a 1 and an insult on the other end being a 10, some of the material you’ve read so far would reach into the 6 range. Their purpose is to let a girl know that you aren’t impressed with her, even if below the surface you really are. The more you show her you’re impressed, the more likely she’ll perceive her value as being too high for you, and sex withholding will follow as a result. While saying “You’re too old for me” may seem like an insult on the surface, it’s taken as a joke when you’ve already established a fun and playful vibe. Context here is important: if you were talking about something boring like politics all night and then all of a sudden you tell her she’s too old for you, she’ll be offended. But if you were already joking around with her for a while, she’ll know it’s just a part of your personality.

Inevitably, some girls will be insulted by your humor and think, “Who does this guy think he is?” While I don’t apologize to any girl who takes my humor the wrong way, I definitely don’t continue to push her buttons once she’s already upset. To me, her annoyance is either a sign of incompatibility or a bad line on my part. Did I accidentally say the wrong thing or was she offended at a line that girls normally respond well to? I make a judgment call if the interaction can be saved or if there’s another girl around that my time could be better spent with. Because trying to convince her that you were joking is a form of supplication, it’s best to move on if your material is poorly received. The goal of material in the middle of our compliment/insult scale is to make her aware of her own faults instead of yours. Once the focus is taken off you, she’ll be much more susceptible to game.

A good way to disguise a compliment is through the “I thought you were” routine. It lets the girl know you’re rating and evaluating her for negative qualities, even if in reality she doesn’t have many. Use this on the cutest girls you meet, because average-looking girls with low self-esteem won’t be able to handle it. Here’s the structure: “I thought you were a little cold and unfriendly, but now that I’ve gotten a chance to talk to you, I don’t think you’re like that at all.” Her eyes are going to open wide and she may say she doesn’t believe you think she’s cold. In that case, say, “No, that’s why I said I thought you were. That was my first impression, but I don’t believe that now, which is good.”

When She’s Interested

Before we talk about girls who are interested in you, first I have to give you some bad news: most of your approaches won’t fare well. You may not be a girl’s physical type, she may have a boyfriend or a crush on some other guy, she may be on her period, or she may not like your hairstyle. It could be one of hundreds of reasons, many of which you can do nothing about. Some nights you’ll have to approach five girls until you come across one that even wants to hear your opener. And even then, not every girl is going to be open to your game: she may call you out, make fun of you, or challenge everything you say. (If she’s being argumentative, say, “Wow, you’re really feisty. Are you always like this?”) If she doesn’t start acting the way you want, walk away.

The last thing you need is for one girl with an agenda to mess up your mood for the day or night. Just let it roll off your back and find a girl who is more receptive to meeting someone new. In your development you’ll achieve micro-accomplishments over an extended period of time where you don’t get rejected as much. That sounds tough, but it’s the only way to build a skill set that will last.

A girl who likes you will ask questions about you. This is the number one way to know if a girl is interested in you or not. It means she wants more information about the guy she’s thinking about banging. Her questions will serve as an indicator of your progress while also giving you the opportunity to build the attraction even further.

The first question an interested girl will ask is, “What’s your name?” Give a straight answer and ask for her name in return. I never ask a girl for her name first, because then I’d lose an opportunity to gain information about how she feels about me. (If she talks to you for one hour and doesn’t ask you for your name, that means she’s just using you to entertain herself.) The fact that girls are predictable in their line of getting-to-know-you questions means you have an opportunity to deliver optimized answers in routine form.

The second most common question is, “What do you do?” I hate this question because it shows a lack of originality on the girl’s part. Job titles should come out naturally in conversation over an extended period of time, at the point where you can almost guess what the other person does for a living, but girls want to quickly be able to judge your pecking order in society and guess how much money you make. When asked this question, most guys do their best to impress the girl by whipping out a business card or stating how many subordinates he has, but what they’re doing is seeking validation in the hope of getting her panties wet. The only time it does that is if you’re a celebrity or famous artist.

When a girl asks what you do, give her an answer that clearly shows you’re not seeking her approval. I like to have fun with this question, so I have a couple favorite responses. The first one: “Right now I’m unemployed. I sit at home in my father’s basement most of the day, surfing message boards on the internet. Then I go to the bookstore and read books for free because the library is too dirty for me.” She’ll ask if you’re serious. Say that you are, then smile. Resist the urge to tell her what you really do, and bust her if she persists, saying, “You’ve only known me for so and so minutes. What about my job could possibly tell you more than a natural conversation with me?” Now she’ll think you have something to hide, but that’s okay, because you’re putting out a mysterious and shady vibe that girls are drawn to. Answer number two: “I live off the land.” Let her ask what that means. “I have a small plot of land where I grow organic crops. I sell what I don’t eat at the local farmer’s market. That’s how I can afford to drink here with you right now. I have a very simple lifestyle.” Accuse her of judging you if she says she doesn’t believe your story. I go on to tell her made-up details about how I grow the specific crops (butter lettuce and organic watermelons.)

Other than your name, you want to hold off a bit before you give real answers about yourself. There’s a chance that a girl with a princess personality will be turned off by the fact that you don’t feed her information on demand. She’ll need to know right now what you do for a living, or else she won’t be able to bear spending another minute talking to you. I let these girls go because if she needs to know what I do before she can talk to me, she isn’t all that interested in getting banged.

The next common question girls ask is, “How old are you?” Your answer to this question should be, “Guess.” Constantly giving straight answers sucks the energy out of male-female interactions. Again, be a mysterious and shady character that she has to work to get information out of. This technique keeps the conversation going and steers you clear of an interview vibe. Other than the “Where do you live?” and “What’s your name?” questions, your stock answer should be “Guess” until you come up with something more fun. You’ll run into girls who respond to “Guess” with something like, “I don’t want to play games and guess.” This translates to, “I want you to answer in a way I desire.” Not only do these types of girls want their needs met first, but in the way they dictate.

It’s hard to tell where you stand with a girl until she starts asking questions. Even though you must be chatty and dominate the conversation early on, you have to be able to pick up on whether she’s enjoying your presence or not so you don’t waste your time.

When you’re talking to someone you don’t like, you give clear signals of disinterest. You turn your body away from them, maintain little eye contact, and speak the least number of words possible. You do everything you can to discourage the person from continuing. You rarely ask questions because if you did, the person would keep on talking and you definitely don’t want that. In the first few minutes of an interaction, a girl may give off similar signs of disinterest. This is normal and doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t want to talk to you—she just may not be sure about you yet. To be sure, you’re going to continue for another few minutes until you’re reasonably certain she’s not interested. This prevents you from walking away too early if she’s a little shy or self-conscious about how she’s appearing to nearby friends.

If you’re unsure of her interest level, ask yourself, “Is she engaging me?” Does she recognize you as an interesting human being with ideas and experiences that she wants to get to know? Is she maintaining eye contact and putting in effort to make it a smooth interaction? Is talking to her more enjoyable than having your teeth pulled? If not, walk away without regret and move on to the next girl. It usually won’t get to that—she’ll just turn away without saying anything or let you know that she’s going to talk to her friends. If she’s asking personal questions, maintaining eye contact, and assisting with the conversation, squash any doubt in your mind about her interest level and proceed as if she wants to have sex with you.

The one question you don’t want to hear is, “Are you a comedian?” This may happen in early stages of testing material. When a girl says that, she’s really saying, “I don’t mind you too much, but you’re coming across as fake.” Either your material sounds too perfect, like it happened to someone else, or you’re speaking at her instead of with her, as if you’re on a stage, giving a performance. This is a problem with guys who use all routines and no threads. Since you won’t have more than a few routines memorized, I don’t expect you to get this complaint. While you’ll say things that will make her laugh, remember that humor is just a means to an end. If you feel like you’re entertaining a girl, providing her with laughs and getting no real engagement in return, drop all routines and move toward casual conversation.

Body language is sometimes a useful indicator of whether she’s interested or not. If during the conversation you note a negative change in her body language where she appears to be closing off to you by folding her arms or turning away, change what you’re doing. But if she’s touching you (or herself) more, you can take that as sign of serious interest and escalate the interaction. Remember that the only reason we care whether a girl is interested or not is because it acts as a green light for us to start driving the interaction toward sex.

It’s okay if a girl turns out not to be interested in you, because your willingness to approach means there will be more opportunities before the day or night is over. Proper game is based on the model of abundance, where it’s understood that there is a surplus of quality single women who want to have sex. Guys who do poorly with women have an attitude based on a model of scarcity, in which the world collapses upon itself if he doesn’t get with that one “special” girl.

When you have to stop talking to a girl or a group of girls because of disinterest, don’t think about what happened until the night is over. The temptation to immediately figure out what you did wrong will waste valuable approach time, especially when it’s likely you did nothing wrong at all. Do all your thinking at home, where you look at each situation and think about what you could have done differently to have made it go more smoothly. In some cases it will be obvious that you said one thing that got an immediate negative reaction, but in most cases it won’t be. Either way, reinforce the things you did right. There will be times when reflecting makes me see that I tried to be too funny or I talked too much. Sometimes I walked away too soon or showed too much interest early on. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just make a mental note so you can correct it for the next night out. Once you’ve repeated the process a couple hundred times, you’ll deliver an optimized game you feel comfortable with.

Once she’s showing interest, start with the main escalation technique: touching. While talking and showing your personality will get her interested, touching is what leads to intimacy. It also lets her know that you’re a physical man who is experienced around women. How you start touching a girl depends upon the venue, but for now let’s assume you’re in a place that serves alcohol. If I’m talking to a girl and she’s interested (asking me questions), I introduce touching at around the ten-minute mark.

The first move is when you touch her right above her hip bone with one of your hands. Your first hip touch should only be for one or two seconds to probe her reaction. If she doesn’t recoil or take great notice to your touch (odds are she won’t), wait a few minutes and then go back to the same spot for a longer, ten-second touch. Then wait a few more minutes and return for a longer, half-minute touch. By the forty-five-minute mark, your hand should be resting comfortably on her hip.

Most girls won’t say anything, but every now and then a girl will ask, “What’s your hand doing?” Your answer: “It’s on the side of your hip.” Stand firm, without moving your hand until she backs away or physically removes your hand from her body. It’s rare that a girl will do this unless you introduced it when she wasn’t interested in the first place. This move tests for any major physical issues that would prevent you from moving forward. After you pass the one-hour mark, begin to explore the space: move it to the small of her back and then to the top of her ass.

An extension of the hip move is the double hip move. When she says something shocking, insulting, or weird, use your hands to grab both sides of her hips. Pull her a little closer and say “What?!” or “Are you serious?!” while maintaining laser eye contact. Then, after a couple seconds, relax and let both hands go.

Hip touches are difficult or impossible to pull off if you’re both sitting down or in a coffee shop type of venue. In that case, you can introduce touching by commenting on jewelry she’s wearing on her hands or wrist. Pretend that a piece of jewelry suddenly caught your eye and touch it as you ask her what it means. Leave your hands touching her for an extra second or two longer than necessary. This move isn’t a panty-wetter on its own, but it will make it easier to touch her later in a more desirable environment. The importance of touching will be more apparent when we discuss the kiss.

Landmines

There are variables that can make the simple act of talking to a girl difficult. The first is noise level. After you’ve been in a loud club for a couple hours, it becomes very hard to hear, and because constantly saying “What?” will stall a conversation, it’s better to mimic her facial expression and nod after she says something you couldn’t quite make out. Be careful though: you’ll eventually nod to a question you shouldn’t. The best way to combat loud noise is to dance, where you talk to her for maybe 10–15 minutes, then gently grab her hand and say, “Let’s go dance.” Don’t ask.

The second variable is cockblocking. This is probably the most frustrating aspect of the game, since you can’t control it. Unless the girl is very into you, she’ll allow herself to be extracted by her fat girlfriend. It’s a shame because with just a little more time you could have turned a girl’s lukewarm interest into something stronger. In other words, cockblocking will cost you notches and there’s little you can do about it. But there’s one defensive routine you can run when you see a cockblock coming:

“I know exactly what your friend over there is going to do. In three minutes, she’s going to come here and try to take you away—and do you know why? Do you see her talking to a cool guy right now? I don’t. If she was talking to a guy she liked, I don’t think she’d worry about me talking to you. I don’t understand why girls want to prevent their friends from having a good time.”

What you’re doing is planting a seed in her mind that her friend is going to try to rob her of a good experience.

Guys won’t cockblock you as much, because many of them understand the rules of the game, but every now and then you’ll run into a guy who really doesn’t like the fact that you’re trying to get into a girl’s pants. Sometimes these guys are just looking for your respect or approval because talking to them for a couple minutes and asking them simple questions disarms them and gains you more time.

In general, it’s best to be friendly to those you think may cockblock you, but let them talk to you first, because you don’t want to give them too much encouragement. On the other hand, when you see another player who is doing well, your instinct may be to doubt him or be jealous. This is natural, because the competitive nature of the game makes things seem zero-sum, that if some other guy is getting laid it’s at your expense. This attitude will slow your growth more than anything. Instead of hating or being jealous, learn from those guys by watching and asking questions. Every player has at least one golden line or move that’s worth incorporating into your game.

If a guy is being persistent about moving in on a girl you like, ask , “Do you like her?” Your tone should be neutral, as if you’re just curious. If he says yes, you can put him in a weak position by saying, “Well, then you should buy her a drink!” If he buys a drink, he’s just another beta in the bar, and if he doesn’t, it looks awkward because he just made a declaration of his affection. If he says he doesn’t like her or weasels out of answering, say, “Well, there are a lot of girls here. I’m sure you’ll find someone you like if you keep trying. Don’t give up!” He’s done. It’s as if you’re giving him relationship advice. He’s going to scramble and say something like, “Oh, well, I’m not here to pick up girls.” He just put his dick in a box. Without raising your voice or having to get tough, you’ve neutralized a male cockblocker and can resume running game on your girl.

The third variable is the interruption. You’ll be talking to a girl and things will be going fine, when all of a sudden a friend from nowhere recognizes her and they start a conversation. When this happens, it’s best to be proactive to prevent being excluded. Since she has just met you, she probably won’t introduce you to the friend, especially if she doesn’t know your name yet. Therefore, ten seconds after their reunification, take the initiative by sticking out your hand and introducing yourself, whether her friend is a guy or a girl. Oftentimes their conversation will be inside in nature, giving you little opportunity to insert yourself into the dialogue. You must make a judgment call on how long the conversation will last because you don’t want to put yourself in the weak position of sitting in silence, waiting for them to finish. If it looks like you won’t be included and their conversation will continue for more than a couple minutes, say with a smile, “I’ll let you two catch up.” Don’t tell her when or if you’ll be coming back. After you walk away, assume the approach is finished and that you won’t be talking to her again, because odds are that you won’t. Free your mind to meet other girls, and hope she sees you talking to them. If you do see her again and she doesn’t avert eye contact, re-approach her.

The best way to re-approach a girl is to casually notice her, smile, and say, “You’re still here?” You want to continue the conversation as if you haven’t already talked to her, which means you need to hook her attention again and rebuild the energy that was lost while you were away. While re-approaching is worth your time, the reason it ended the first time will probably surface again. Ideally you want to push interactions without breaks so a re-approach isn’t necessary. If a girl re-approaches you, it’s a strong indicator of her interest.

A tough spot you’ll sometimes be placed in is when you’ve been talking to a girl for a couple minutes and she asks you to hold her drink or coat. It seems like a simple request, but it has strong meaning in the interaction. Understand: you’re not a drink holder or a coat stand. There’s no reason for you to hold anything she owns. If she can’t handle something with her own two hands then she shouldn’t have brought it out. When was the last time you were at a bar and asked a friend to hold your coat? That said, if you’ve been talking for less than ten minutes and she asks for such a favor, shake your head. As she looks at you as if you’re crazy, say, “But I hardly know you” with a slight smirk. She’ll still be shocked and you’ll be tempted to explain, but don’t. Simply stand there like a rock and continue the conversation as if she hadn’t asked. Before you think you’ve “lost” her because you refused to be a drink holder, realize that you didn’t have her in the first place. This type of girl likes attention and wants to see how much she can get random guys to invest in her. A girl with a sincere interest in you will do the opposite. She’ll make it easy on you by not asking favors for as long as possible.

If she asks for a favor after fifteen minutes and the interaction is going well, decide based on the circumstance. If she’s making a strong effort for your attention and you’re in a good mood and want to hold her drink, then go for it, but make sure you raise a stink about it beforehand. Say, “I just met you and you’re already asking me for favors!” Whatever you do, do not hold something for her while she uses the bathroom—she’ll be gone for at least five minutes while you stand like a chump holding a ladies jacket.

A similar situation is buying drinks for girls on the night you meet them. Don’t do it. First, it sends a message that the only way you can hold her attention is by purchasing something for her. It says that you’re not confident of your own ability to get her interested and that you use purchases to break the ice or to keep the conversation going. Second, there’s a breed of girls who make it a competition to see how many free drinks they can get from strange men. When they go out, they only take their ID and nothing else, because there will be a line of beta males willing to pay for their entertainment. Finally, buying drinks is too cliché. You might as well ask her how often she comes to the bar. Stay away from moves that have been made a million times before.

A girl who asks you to buy her a drink is worse than a girl who asks you to hold one. She didn’t come out to meet a guy—she came to drink for free. These girls tend to be the biggest game players and attention whores. Reply to her question by saying something like: “Funny, I was about to ask you to buy me a drink” or “Too bad I spent all my money on hookers and drugs last night or I’d be more than happy to buy you as many drinks as you want” or “Do I look like the kind of guy who buys random girls drinks? Come on, now.” I may point to a guy next to us and say, “He looks like a guy who buys girls drinks. You should go talk to him.” Such girls are a waste of your time.

There are some instances where it may feel natural to buy a drink for a girl who you’ve been talking to for a while. Sometimes you’re having such a great time that you just want to buy a round for her and her friends. While this is a more acceptable situation, I still advise against it. No matter how pure your intentions, buying her things sends an early message that you’re ready to give without receiving. She must do more to get something than just stand there and laugh at your jokes.

There’s a drink loophole I use to avoid buying girls drinks. If I’m having a good time with a girl, I buy one drink and share with her from the same straw. I offer by saying, “I’m not trying to get too drunk tonight” to make it easier for her to accept. The message you send is that she can only share what you’re having. Every sip is earned because you can take the drink away any time you want. Joke around by saying, “Hey, save some for me.” If she’s feisty or a ball-buster, before you hand her the drink, say, “Wait, you don’t have any germs, right?” Drink sharing means you share saliva, which psychologically prepares her for a bigger fluid exchange down the road.

For all other favors a girl may seek, ask yourself if she deserves it. Most of the time the answer will be no. Girls have a built-in program designed to get as much as possible from men while putting in the least amount of work. I believe they do this to tell if a guy likes them or not because they don’t trust their instincts when it comes to determining a guy’s interest. There are girls who get banged by guys but still ask friends if he “really” likes her or not. Do the least number of favors as possible to keep her unsure of your interest level.

Wingmen

The concept of the wingman has been popularized somewhat recently. The idea is for a friend to occupy the ugly girlfriend while you talk to the girl you like. Some guys take an extra step and define a wingman as someone who helps them get laid. The problem with this definition is if you don’t get laid, you’ll be tempted to blame you friend instead of figuring out what you could have done better.

The purpose of your friend shouldn’t necessarily be to help you, but to not hurt you. It’s better to have a silent friend who just stands there like a cardboard cutout than to have someone who isn’t cool and says stupid things that disturb the flow of your game. Regardless of how good or bad a wingman your friend is, your success is determined by you alone. Any unfortunate mistake your friend makes is just another event in the fluid and unpredictable nature of pick-up.

Be careful about accusing your friend of cockblocking. I find that those who are quick to make such accusations have a scarcity frame when it comes to girls. Your friend blew your chance with a girl you hadn’t made out with yet, and now your night is ruined because there are no more cute girls. Right. Except in extreme circumstances, accusing someone of cockblocking is a cop-out. The reason I don’t accuse guys of cockblocking is because I either do something about it when it happens or I admit defeat.

If a drunk buddy is cockblocking me, I adjust on-the-fly by dominating the conversation and physically blocking him out. He can whine later, but he’s not getting in the way of what I want because he’s too lazy to approach his own girls. To crush him, I tell the girl to excuse my buddy because he’s really drunk. That way, I cockblock my cockblocking friend—and we’ll both get over it the following day. This is a better way to deal with it then moping like a little bitch at the end of the night. The man with the best game gets the girl, and I see nothing wrong with competing with a friend who isn’t following the basic rules of the game. If I approach a group, I get to pick the girl I want to go after, and if a friend bombs with a girl that starts showing me interest, she’s fair game. While it may be a good idea to give him hints about how both of you can succeed better, you’re not in the business of molding men.

That said, it’s important for you and your friends to have a way to determine who gets which girl. The easiest way is to establish a rule that whoever approaches the group gets to pick which girl he wants. This is fair because of the difficulty in approaching. If you and your friend go after the same girl, not only will neither of you get her, but she’ll enjoy an incredible ego boost. Another important rule is to know when backup should arrive. I find two minutes to be best, so help the guy who did the approach two minutes after he makes it. When you do a group approach and your friend comes in two minutes later, introduce him to everyone with, “This is my friend Stan, he’s the coolest guy I know.” Then continue running game.

You may want to turn an attractive lady friend into a wingman. The female wingman is supposed to let other females know that you’re accepted on this Earth by at least one woman. But we use her differently than a male wingman. While a buddy is by your side to talk to the girlfriends and absorb distractions, a female wingman is there to increase your social standing. When you enter a venue, talk to your lady friend long enough for other girls to see. Make the interaction ambiguous by talking close and encouraging her to touch you from time to time. Then, approach girls on your own. They’ll now be more receptive to your game. The purpose of a female wingman is just to increase the success rate of your approaches. While you can bring your lady friend along on the approach, I find that the girls tend to talk too much among themselves, severely limiting my ability to game. Don’t let a girl do the approach for you—approaching a girl you want to sleep with is your job and no one else’s.

Lady friends help create jealousy, an emotion that humans respond to more powerfully than logic. Many men continue to use logic to get women by buying expensive clothes, plucking their eyebrows, driving a luxury automobile, and getting extra glossy business cards. They only see limited success using this strategy because they aren’t hitting a woman’s emotional buttons of jealousy, drama, and anger. You’re more likely to engage a woman if you make her jealous than if you try to impress her with a car that other men also have. For example, a girl I used to date always told me about guys hitting on her, including where they hit on her and what they said. She laughed off these stories, but left them open-ended. While I knew she was using a trick to make me think that she had high value, I couldn’t help but conclude she was a desirable woman with high value. This means that even though a girl may know you’re trying to make her jealous, she feels the emotion anyway. While it’s best not to cross the line and brag about the girls who like you, don’t feel the need to hide it. She should know that you talk to other girls and if she ever accuses you of being a flirt, just say you’re an outgoing, friendly person.

Going Out Alone

It’s not always going to be the case that you have a wingman to go out with. If it’s a Friday or Saturday night and you have nothing to do, you should go out alone. I’ve gotten so used to it that unless I meet a guy who is fun, dependable, and (most importantly) cool, I’d rather go out alone. In the past, I used to go out with any guy who had a heartbeat, but picking up girls is challenging enough (especially in foreign countries) that I don’t need some slapdick to make it harder just because I’m too insecure to fly solo.

There are two downsides to going out alone. First, it’s ten times harder to get into that amped-up social mood where approaching girls is more a natural extension of having fun. Every approach feels like a trial and something you need to push yourself toward. To combat this I put a number in my head—usually ten—and, venue permitting, I do that many approaches before I’m allowed to go home (sometimes I do more than ten if girls are nibbling). Since it usually takes me three solo approaches to warm up, if I stop at five, I’m stopping too soon.

The second downside of flying solo is that you have no wingman to occupy a friend. Isolation takes longer and sometimes never comes. I’ve been in many situations where I knew the girl liked me but her friends wouldn’t buzz off, so I had to stick around for several hours until there was a moment I could finally isolate. As long as the girl likes you and you can stay awake longer than her friends, isolation will happen, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll get the bang. Sometimes what it takes is having to commit your entire night (and early morning) to a girl, but that can allow an isolation move in itself if you’re near a beach—“How about we watch the sunrise?”

It’s a problem if a friend is involving herself in the conversation instead of just lingering in the vicinity. In that case, it’s hard to get into the flirting and teasing stage with your girl. Instead you’re forced to be a clown and engage them both at the same time. The conversation remains generic, solid attraction isn’t built, and the girls eventually walk away.

The upside of flying solo, however, is freedom. You can do whatever you want, wherever you want, and not have to put up with another guy’s issues, problems, embarrassing game, or passive cockblocking. Since most guys won’t enhance your game, there’s a good chance you’ll actually be doing yourself a favor by flying solo. There’s also a certain level of purity that comes with going out alone—it makes anything you get that night more satisfying. You went out alone and pulled the girl you wanted. You prove to yourself that you can do it without any help, that the pursuit of pussy is a burning desire that doesn’t come and go according to whom you happen to be friends with or what country you’re currently in.

If you’re going out alone, it’s crucial that you get into a social mood well before nightfall. If I know I’m flying solo on a particular night, I do my best to make small talk with random people during the day, whether it’s with cashiers or an obese family sitting next to me in Starbucks. When I’m with a wingman, I can wake up from a three-hour nap and get into a social mood by exchanging a few jokes with him, but while solo, the process is a full-day affair. The last thing you want to do is go out alone after jerking off on the internet all day.

When it’s time to go out, get to the club or bar early by arriving at least an hour before peak time. If the club gets going at midnight, show up at 10:30. Ideally you want to get there just a little after it opens, when the line is starting to develop. Talk to the people in line, whether they’re guys or girls. There are three questions that you can easily ask. The first: “Is this the line for everyone?” (Cocky humor follow-up: “I wish I hadn’t left my gold VIP double extra platinum card at home so I could cut to the front.”) The second: “Do you know how much the cover is tonight?” (Self-deprecating humor follow-up: “Oh really? I should have borrowed more money from my mom then.”) The third: “Do you know what type of music they’re playing tonight?” (Dry humor follow-up: “God, I hope they’re playing salsa, because I’ve been taking daily lessons the past four months and it’s the only thing I can move to.”)

Here’s what I do: I get in line and chat with the people in front of me and if they don’t bite, I turn around and ask a different question to the people behind me. This is actually a good way to make friends with people you can use as a “home base” when you’re inside the club.

Let me backtrack a bit and explain why it’s important to show up early. First, girls arrive before guys. I’m sure you’ve been in a club where the ratio was good and then suddenly it seems like there was a cock in your face every way you turn. (Even though girls take longer than guys to get ready, guys take even longer to pre-drink.) Second, you want to arrive early to settle in and pick a good spot.

I have a theory about spots. I believe every spot, whether it’s in a bar, club, or coffee shop, has a built-in average time until an opportunity presents itself. Let’s call it the magic time—the time it takes for something to happen. For instance, a coffee shop in DC I liked had a magic time of about an hour, meaning if I stayed an hour, I could approach a cute girl. In my favorite DC bar, the magic time on the patio was about twenty minutes. In a club in Rio, the upstairs bar had a magic time of about ten minutes because of the large turnover. Different spots in the same venue will also have different magic times, which is why it’s important to find the good spot as quickly as you can. I don’t care if it’s next to the girl’s bathroom, but find the spot women seem to be passing or congregating.

Stay in a spot longer than its magic time, or else you won’t be allowing nature to give you the fruit it’s able to bear. Many guys make the mistake of not only bar-hopping, but also spot-hopping. They end up staying in a bar for an hour without having one good opportunity because they’re moving from spot to spot in less than the magic time. Another reason you want to stay put is that moving around looks bad. If you’re solo and you’re jumping around like a rabbit approaching girls, you’ll be pegged as “that guy.” You’ll be the club’s loser, even worse than the “old guy” in the club. When you pick a spot and only approach girls who come around you, it won’t seem like you’re doing any approaches at all. To an outside spectator, it will appear that you’re the one who’s being approached. This is less of an issue when you’re with a wingman and already have social value, but when you go out alone and have zero social value, it’s best to play it cool.

The downside of staying in spots is that it’s hard to rack up approaches quickly. Even in crowded clubs, I average one solo approach every 15–20 minutes, but my standards are pretty high (early on, anyway) and I don’t waste time on girls who aren’t what I’m looking for.

While I recommended that you make friends outside the club, I don’t recommend it once you’re inside. Many times guys I’ve made friends with inside a club—especially ones who were also flying solo—mistook my kindness for weakness and cockblocked me later. I estimate that 80% of the guys I meet inside a club are a total bust, and if you were in a casino, that would be a bet you wouldn’t make. I’ll be friendly, but I won’t invite any guys along when I make my approaches.

If you’re going to meet a guy inside the club, it’s better that he already has girls with him. If he has a desirable social circle, buy him a drink or shot after initiating small talk. It’s incredible how buying a guy a three-dollar beer will motivate him to enthusiastically introduce you to every girl he knows. Otherwise, be hesitant about guys you talk to (besides the staff) unless you have an incredible ability to screen out idiots. As for the guys I have already met outside, I ditch them early, make a few approaches, and then find them later to joke around and shoot the shit to keep myself in a social mood.

Another option to build some social proof is to get friendly with the bartender by tipping large or buying him shots. Don’t try to buy his friendship, but if you built up a little rapport with him while the club was empty (you did go early, right?), some big tips thrown his way will make sure he watches out for you. Don’t be cheap when you go out solo: if there’s a guy who has value, let the money flow a bit—it’ll come right back to you in vaginal form.

Whether you make friends or not, all that’s left is drinking and approaching, but be careful about drinking too much. While the first couple drinks will loosen you up, subsequent drinks will actually get you into an anti-social mood if you don’t have a friend around to keep talking to. In fact, I never pre-drink more than a beer before I go out alone. Since it takes up to twenty minutes for a single approach, I could be at a club for three or four hours to get to ten approaches. I need to be close to the top of my game for those last attempts, and if I can consume a drink every forty-five minutes, that’s around six drinks for the night—more than enough to get and maintain a buzz.

Let’s say you’ve found a spot and you’re leaning against the bar with a drink. Make slow, confident movements, as if you’re the owner of the club, just checking out the scene. Look at the television, sit at the bar and make small talk with the staff, or just stand like James Dean would, staring coolly off into space. As always, the first approach will be hardest, but if you show up early, it might very well lead to success. It’s better to be the first guy a girl talks to than the tenth, and even if it doesn’t go well, you can buddy up with her and her friends as social proof later on. Run your normal night game—no special adjustments are needed.

Don’t lie if you’re asked “Where are you friends?” Simply say, “I don’t have any friends.” Be cool about it and don’t make excuses for why you’re alone. In South America, I don’t remember the last time I was asked this, but in America it may be one of the first questions a girl will hit you with. Definitely don’t say things like, “My friend cancelled on me at the last minute and I still wanted to go out” or “All my friends have girlfriends.” That’s qualifying yourself and showing that you don’t have the confidence to do what you want without making excuses. If you currently feel like a loser when you go out alone, rest assured it’s a self-esteem issue that will improve over time. Personally, I feel just as much like a man when I’m alone as when I’m out with my wolf pack.

The truth is, I feel more confident going out alone because I’m doing what others are too scared to do. I stand out because I’m not like every other guy. Girls want to know my “deal” and why I’m there, which aids me in making conversation. It’s as if the intrigue is built into the crust. In the end, girls don’t care if you’re alone or not, as long as you’re a fun and interesting guy they’re attracted to. It’s ten times better to be alone, doing your thing, than with a guy who lowers your social value.

A couple years ago, I’d go out alone every now and then, but didn’t do very well. I didn’t have a strategy and didn’t manage my mood or drinking, so I preferred to go out with a random guy instead. Then I noticed those random guys were hurting my chances more than helping, so I started going out solo and picking up girls alone—and now I do far better alone than with any fly-by-night wingman I randomly met. Don’t be surprised if after some experimentation you prefer going out alone than with others.

Thirty Minutes And Beyond

After you hit the thirty-minute mark, take a deep breath and relax, because things are going to get easier. By then she’ll be talking more—maybe more than you. Your first goal was to hook her attention and to build attraction, but now it will shift toward making her feel comfortable with you, physically and emotionally. Let her talk without interruption about the personal details of her life. Once comfort is established in addition to attraction—when she both trusts and likes you—escalating to physical intimacy will be easy and predictable. If you haven’t built up attraction in the first thirty minutes, there’s little chance you ever will. If she’s not engaging you or asking questions after thirty minutes of displaying your personality and value (indirectly through conversation and routines), move on.

A good way to build comfort and trust is to display interest in who she is as a person. Be a good listener and show that you’re mildly impressed in her most significant accomplishments. But be careful about making it seem as if she has your attention for as long as she wants. Instead, give the impression that your attention can be withdrawn at any moment. A good way to do this is to break eye contact every now and then to glance briefly at something else that catches your attention. As long as you don’t overdo it, she’ll feel slightly insecure about being able to keep your interest and try even harder to do so.

It’s okay to move into more “boring” topics to build comfort. You want to strike a balance between remaining mysterious and making her feel as if she knows you. You can accomplish this by revealing things about yourself in small morsels instead of large chunks. Other than increasing comfort, another purpose of sharing personal information is to find things you have in common. Finding commonality is a bonus that gives you something to talk about at length, though it’s not needed to get her into bed.

After thirty minutes, three options will open up: getting her number, moving her to another venue where you escalate (physically), or remaining at the current venue (where you also escalate). Getting her number is the least desirable option because it ends the current interaction with zero guarantee that it will continue again. Response rates, even for accomplished players, are pathetically low. If half the girls return your call, you’ll be doing well. This means that more than half of your initial game work will have been a complete waste once you get her number, and even if she does call you back, there are many issues that can arise to prevent a first date from happening. The phone gives power to the girl while taking away yours, because she can analyze the costs and benefits of seeing you again, screen your calls, and determine when she wants to call you back, if at all.

Because you want her to make an impulsive decision to be intimate with you, always choose to escalate the encounter as far as possible the same day you meet her. The farther you get, the higher the chance you’ll see her again, because she has invested more time and energy into you. The man who goes out to get a phone number doesn’t go home with more than a phone number.

Since your overall goal is sex, that’s what you have to think about while talking to a girl. You should be thinking, “What do I have to do to get her into bed tonight?” Even though the odds she’ll have sex with you on the same day you meet are low, and even if you may not be able to make a sincere effort if logistics prevent you from escalation, it’s better to have sex on your mind because you’ll constantly be open to the opportunity. If you only care about a phone number, even when a girl is giving you horny vibes, you’re going to miss out on sex when the opportunity presents itself. When you train your mind to go for sex, you stay more open to its occurrence.

Because sex is an impulsive decision, you must strike while the iron is hot. I used to think that if a girl wanted to sleep with me, all I had to do was sit back, take my time, and wait until sex fell into my lap, but sex with girls I liked never did fall into my lap.

When I was selling my motorcycle, a young man responded to my classified ad. He came over, sized up my bike, sat on it, blipped the throttle, and thought long and hard for fifteen minutes until he told me he’d buy it. He said he didn’t have deposit money with him, but he’d be back in two days with my asking price in cash.

I never heard from him again.

A week later, another guy came to look at the bike. He was even more enthusiastic and told me he’d be back the next day to buy it. He was grinning from ear to ear about owning my bike, but I never heard from him either.

How could those two guys have made decisions to spend thousands of dollars on something and then changed their minds so easily? If guys can reverse their positions on a $3,000 purchase, imagine how much easier it is for a girl to change her mind about something like a single instance of casual sex.

After a human being carries out a decision, the brain will do everything it can to rationalize that decision. If you bought a car only months before a newer, better-looking model came out, you rationalize how the older model is actually better. However, before you carry out a decision, your brain will inject doubt in order to talk you out of it. Sales pitches are designed to make you act right away, because marketers know that if you think about making a purchase too long, you won’t make it. The same occurs with sex, a decision that depends on a girl’s state and environment. Therefore, when a girl makes the decision to have sex with you, you must quickly capitalize on her decision before any variables change, before doubt kicks in, before a friend cockblocks you, before her ex-boyfriend calls to propose marriage, before she wonders if she’s already slept with too many men for her age, or before anything else in her life distracts her. When she makes the decision to have sex with you, whether it’s when she first meets you or on a later date, if you’re not mentally prepared and willing to take advantage of the decision, you may let the opportunity pass forever.

Knowing what I know now, I should have told the prospective buyers to go get the cash immediately because someone else was on the way. Always push to complete the transaction, because nothing is inevitable and nothing “just happens.” You’re the one who has to make it happen.

There are going to be times when it will be impossible to escalate, even if a girl is interested in you. Maybe her friend is in a bad mood and wants to leave immediately, you’re having an off night and run out of things to say, or her group of interrupting friends makes it impossible to do anything. If you’re in danger of stalling or the interaction is about to come to an abrupt end, settle for the consolation prize of her phone number.

When you want to get her number because you’ve exhausted all other options, say, “I think we should hang out” or “I think we should hang out for a drink.” If she gives you an excuse about being busy or not going out much, she’s not interested. If she responds with something like, “Sure,” “That sounds good,” or “We can do that,” she wants to see you again. Then ask if she has a cell phone. After she says yes, pull out your cell phone, hand it to her, and say, “Why don’t you put in your number.”

Notice how you don’t explicitly ask her for the number. It’s implied and comes naturally as a result of two people wanting to see each other again. Do not give your number until you have hers. If she asks for your number, tell her you’ll exchange, but if she persists in trying to get your number without giving hers, say, “Well, I’m the man, so I should call first.”

Sometimes you’ll get a number because you think a girl is about to leave, but she ends up staying. In that case, proceed with escalation. Don’t think, “I don’t have to talk to her anymore tonight since I’ve already got her number,” because the odds are that the number won’t result in anything. If you’re still talking to her after you got the number, you probably got it too early and should have continued escalating instead.

An advanced technique is to terminate the interaction without trying to get her number. When the conversation comes to a close, say, “It was nice meeting you.” You’re making a bet that she’ll be upset that you didn’t ask for her number and will either offer it on her own or encourage you to get it by showing blatant interest. If she does offer her number, act reluctant, aloof, and slow, making her wonder if you’re really interested. Reluctance only works if you’ve spent a good amount of time with her (at least thirty minutes) and you’re confident that her interest is strong. If I’m at a coffee shop and have only talked to a girl for five minutes, it’s almost a certainty that she won’t offer her number without being prompted. Less than half an hour isn’t enough time for a guy to display the full glory of his humor, personality, and intelligence. The point of this technique is to make her invest more energy into the interaction, because the more she puts in, the less likely she’ll flake out on you afterward. The key is to pull back just enough to encourage her, but not so much that she gets insecure and does nothing. Use this technique after you’ve gotten a few dozen numbers of experience and when your skill at judging interest levels has become accurate. If you try this technique and she starts to turn away, stop her and get her number as you normally would.

The way you get a phone number can reveal a lot about your game. For example, years ago when I first started the game and got a number, I’d go into panic mode if I couldn’t find a pen (I didn’t always take a cell phone out with me), and would frantically ask strangers around me for one. By doing that, I showed that I valued her higher than myself, that her number is such a big deal that I was prepared to act like a hyper puppy dog trying to get it. It should have been the other way around—where she had to panic while trying to find a pen. Understand: if a guy she valued came through the door and all that stood between her and seeing him again was a writing instrument, she’d jump through hoops to find one. The more you act as if you have high value, such as being reluctant to get a number or find a pen, the more a girl will believe you have high value. Later, she’ll put in more effort and flake less. You’re simply behaving in a way that people with high value behave.

Avoid getting email addresses instead of phone numbers. They’re almost always a waste of time. The reason I used to get emails was because my phone game was terrible, but I ended up having to get on the phone anyway due to the low conversion rate of emails. If a girl tells you she can give you her email address instead of a number, she isn’t serious about seeing you again. Just say, “Thanks anyway, but I don’t do email.”

Sometimes when a girl gives you a number, she adds additional information aimed to lower your expectations. A common thing you’ll hear is, “I have a boyfriend, so we can only be friends.” You need to let her know that her attempt to steer the interaction isn’t going to fly with you. Say, “Well, how about you do what you want to do and I’ll do what I want to do. Hopefully it’s the same thing, but if not, it’s not. It’s not a big deal.” Let her respond, then add, “You can classify things if it makes you feel better, but I like to take things one step at a time, whether it’s friendship, dating, or anything else.” This sends a message that you’re going to do what you want to do, regardless of what she says.

When a girl drops the “I have a boyfriend” line on you, fire off a response that lets her know you don’t care. Say, “That’s nice” or “Good, he’ll give you something to do when I’m not around” or “I just met you and you’re already telling me about your problems.” Then continue the conversation as if you didn’t even hear it. Never ask a girl whether she’s single or not. If her status is important, she’ll let you know on her own.

No Friendship

One of the greatest fears men have is being “friended” by a girl he likes. This happens for three reasons.

First, he’s too nice to her. He treats her better than his guy friends without expecting anything in return. He gives her rides, helps with her problems, and tolerates her flakey behavior.

Second, he paints an unflattering picture of himself. He talks about his past failures and problems with women. He shares thoughts and ideas about men, women, and relationships that reflect an insecure, needy reality. Don’t break down or discuss your dating or relationship problems with a girl you want to bang. Don’t act like her buddy by giving advice, even if the solutions to her problems are obvious to you. When a girl asks questions like, “How long was your longest relationship?” give short, vague answers. Don’t let her piece together your dating or relationship history.

Finally, he gets friended because his intent is weak. You won’t make out with a girl through sheer will and hope. From the moment you meet her, if you don’t possess the intent to sleep with her and then perform the steps needed to accomplish that goal, you’ll get nothing. Start with The Vibe and an alpha male attitude, then move on to touching, kissing, and so on. Don’t simply spend time with her and talk for hours, hoping something will just happen. While something may eventually happen with such a passive approach, there’s also a chance that a comet will come crashing through the sky and land on your head. You wouldn’t bet on that comet, so don’t bet on a do-nothing approach.

Dancing

An efficient way to ramp up touching is through dancing. Not only is dancing a good way to combat loud noise, but it’s also excellent at allowing you to get your hands all over her body and to prime her for the kiss. If you can’t dance or don’t have natural rhythm, learn by copying good dancers and practicing.

When you observe a dance floor, you’ll be able to tell who’s a good dancer and who isn’t—simply duplicate the moves of those who are good. Practice at home, and within a couple months you’ll get to a point where dancing will facilitate your pick-ups. You don’t have to be a great dancer, just good enough to use the touching benefits that dancing offers (it will get you to a kiss faster than other means). Because of all this, dancing will be worth your time to learn.

Once you get a girl on the dance floor with “Let’s go dance,” start off slow. When you look around the dance floor, you’ll see that every guy loves to jam his crotch into a girl’s ass, especially when hip-hop is playing, and while you’ll be doing that eventually, hold off for a bit. Instead, dance in your own space in front of her and continue on and off with hip touches. After a minute or two, move a little closer and put both of your hands on her hips, letting her gyrate close to your crotch as you face her. Then step back and take your hands off her. Treat dancing like a dance of its own, where you go back and forth to build toward a climax. Make her wonder why you aren’t constantly on her. After a minute or so of dancing a couple feet away, gradually come back and bring her hips just a little closer than before. Then step back again. Just like with verbal conversation, you’ll control the pace of the interaction, and she won’t be stepping away from you because you’ll be doing it first.

Keep repeating this cycle until both of you are very close and your hands have explored her hips, sides, lower back, and the top of her ass. The final non-kissing move on the dance floor is to get your head close to hers where your cheeks are barely touching, you can feel her heat, and she’s not pulling back. It’s not surprising that dancing commonly results in a kiss within a short amount of time.

With dancing skills you can skip verbal openers and approach right on the dance floor. The first thing you need to do is to get comfortable dancing alone in a visible spot. You’re just feeling the music and having a good time by yourself, showing others that you’re a fun guy who prefers not to hold up the wall. When you see a girl you like, decide if you want to approach from the front or the back.

If you approach from the front, position yourself in front of her, make eye contact with a slight smile, grab her hand, and continue dancing. If you’re right-handed, you’ll reach out your right hand to take her left hand. Don’t grab it so meekly that gravity loosens your grip, but don’t give her a death squeeze either. It should be as if you’re giving a handshake to a 10-year-old. You want to come across as assertive but warm. The moment of judgment comes when you grab her hand and she uses the next half-second to evaluate whether she wants to dance with you or not.

When approaching from the back, an approach popular at hip-hop clubs, simply rub your crotch on her ass while dancing. She’ll look back to see if you’re good-looking enough (or she’ll have a friend look), then either move away or continue dancing. As you can guess, the front dance approach has a higher chance of success because it’s less slimy.

Because the only component of your personality you can display in a dance approach is confidence, she’ll be going by your looks and appearance. Therefore, dance approaches will serve you better if you’re good-looking. Average guys will find better use of their approach time with verbal openers using their personalities.

A girl doesn’t have to make a split-second decision about whether to accept your company or not if you make a standard talking approach. Since you’re being indirect and conversational, she’ll give you a chance even if immediate interest isn’t there. It’s this chance that gives you time to plant your personality seed to translate lukewarm interest into major interest. Because dance approaches do not give you that chance, you’re playing more of a numbers game than tight game skill, but it’s a tool worth experimenting with.

Dance approaches flip the standard approach. Since you start with the physical and then move into conversation, you’ll end up using your opener well after you’ve already explored her body with your hands. While you’re dancing, if she asks any questions at all, take that as a green light that she’s interested (the first thing she’ll probably ask is your name). After a few songs, suggest that she come with you to get a glass of water at the bar, where you can start conversation, just as you would if you had walked up to her.

Escalating To The Kiss

The further you are into the interaction, the less critical it will be to have something interesting to say. You can’t sustain a relationship built on always-interesting conversation. If you’ve adopted The Vibe and you’ve used a couple of your best routines, you’ll already have blown out 80% of all other guys she has met, based on the first thirty minutes. Your focus at this point will be on maintenance, because failure can come either from saying stupid things, acting needy, or getting cockblocked. As long as you stay relaxed and keep doing what you’re doing, your odds of success will be good. Retain the mindset that she is the one who has to prove herself instead of the other way around. She’s the one on display and being judged, not you.

Besides getting a phone number, your other two options are continuing the interaction where you are at or moving to another location. Most of the time you’ll be staying in the same venue, so let’s talk about that first.

Since your value has already been displayed and she’s interested in you, your goal will be to relax, get to know her, not say anything stupid, and (most importantly) to escalate. Retain the thread strategy to keep the conversation flowing while you find commonalities and ramp up touching. You want to reach a level of rapport where it feels as if she’s known you longer than she has.

Your hands will be your main escalation tools. We last left one of your hands resting on the side of her hip, but it should now be encroaching on the top of her ass. Don’t be scared to do this. Touching is important in shortening the time it takes to get a girl in bed, so it’s something you should always focus on. Even if all you can manage are subtle footsy games underneath a coffee table, it’s better than nothing. Touch—and touch often.

Another important touching move is hand-holding. If you’re leading her to another spot in the venue, stick your hand out right next to hers and then gauge her return grasp. If it’s weak, where the hold could be broken if you loosened pressure, that means she doesn’t want to hold your hand yet. Let her hand go and try again later. Once she’s comfortable with your touch and starts to reciprocate with some touch of her own, she’s ready for the next step: the kiss.

All the ways in which humans express physical affection can be placed on a line. On one end is the hug, and on the other end is penetrative sex. You’ve hugged many people in your life, probably some you didn’t even like, but as you move down the line you’re less likely to perform intimate acts with people you dislike. Kissing on the mouth is somewhere in the middle—an act you only do with people you have an interest in, but not serious enough to warrant a lot of thinking or analysis. It’s only one step above breathing in someone’s ear or rubbing noses.

The faster you can kiss a girl, the better, for one simple reason: to save time. If you don’t kiss her when you first meet her, you’ll have to do it on the first date. Since you won’t be able to kiss her until the end of that date, and only after you’ve rebuilt the magic of the night you met, you can save yourself at least one whole date—and the money that date would cost—if you kiss the girl when you first meet. She’ll also be more open to moving farther on the first date if you’ve already kissed beforehand. In other words, a man who didn’t kiss a girl at the bar will have a second date that looks like the first date of the man who did.

You may be thinking that you’re moving too fast if you try to kiss her when you first meet, but you’re probably moving too slow. In some foreign countries, especially in South America, it’s considered strange if a guy doesn’t make a move within an hour. In Venezuela, I made out with a Brazilian girl after a thirty-second introduction (granted, she was a prostitute, but I didn’t know that at the time). Even in the States, many girls won’t hesitate to make out with a guy they feel attracted to (thirty seconds is my record there, as well). Think of kissing as a prerequisite for sex to occur. You can kiss girls and not have sex with them, but not the other way around—unless you’re paying for it.

Since kissing is a physical act, your kiss escalation strategy will be composed of physical moves. A girl may get aroused if you tell her a story about how you climbed a mountain to kill a bear with your bare hands, but storytelling isn’t as efficient as touching. Girls will kiss almost any guy as long as they’re interested and physically comfortable. No emotional connection is required.

There are four key moves to the kiss, two of which you can use when you meet a girl and two that come into play on the first date. They ease into the kiss so you won’t surprise her in a way that may lead to an awkward moment. By using physical moves that ramp up toward the kiss, she’ll have opportunities to let you know if she doesn’t want to kiss you—well before you close the gap between your mouths.

The first move is the staring contest, an effective technique because silent eye contact is an intimate gesture usually reserved for lovers. Introduce the staring contest in a playful way by randomly saying, “I bet you I could kill you in a staring contest.” Some girls may whine that they aren’t good at staring contests, but press on and tell them that you won a championship in high school. Fifteen seconds into the contest, take advantage of the opportunity to be playful by either falsely accusing her of blinking or complaining that your contacts or dry eye condition give her a totally unfair advantage. If you lose the first round, suggest a best-out-of-three. The staring contest makes her feel more comfortable with you.

After the staring contest, your touching game should be well-established. If you’re in a bar or club, your hand will be frequently on her hip. If you’re at a coffee shop, your feet may be touching under the table and your arms or elbows may come into frequent contact. The distance between you two should be closing.

Now we’re going to introduce the holy grail touch move: the hair stroke. Perform this move after she has responded positively to most of what you’ve done so far and you feel as if she’s giving out mostly green lights (though a couple yellow lights are normal). First, maintain constant eye contact while she’s talking and then interrupt by saying, “Wait.” Then slowly and gently brush your fingers across her temple going behind her ear to fix her hair, even if there’s nothing to fix. Then say, “I fixed your hair.” While seemingly innocent, this is another intimate move that’s usually reserved for lovers.

After you perform the stroke, gauge her reaction. Did she make a weird face or seem as if she was creeped out? If so, she’s not ready to be kissed until later—or during your next meeting, where you’ll use the other two moves. Unfortunately, a small minority of girls have rules or objections to kissing guys the same day they meet them. If she gave you a neutral or deep look and then continued the conversation or simply maintained eye contact without questioning what you did, she’s ready to be kissed.

Knowing a girl is ready to be kissed is like knowing what poker hand your opponent is playing. You play the hand in a way that maximizes your return. With a girl, you use this knowledge to amplify the sexual tension so that the kiss has more impact, which she’ll attribute to you instead of your moves. First, during conversation or dancing, lock eye contact and move to within about six inches of her face. If she’s ready to be kissed, she won’t move back. Continue with physical touching for the next couple of minutes by moving away and then back to this invisible six-inch wall. Then move to within four inches and break eye contact at least once to glance at her lips. She’ll know what this means. This is fun because you’ll feel the tension building and probably get aroused. She may even close her eyes to get ready for you to kiss her. At that point, you know you can do it right then, but pull back and continue the conversation as if nothing had happened.

How long you want to postpone the kiss depends on the stability of your environment. If you’re in a place with lots of distractions and there’s a real chance that you’ll get cockblocked, your next pass will be when you kiss. However, if you’re at a quiet party or lounge, you can play the dance a bit longer for a stronger effect. Make at least one more pass by coming in close, building the tension, and then bottling it up by pulling back. On the final pass, get close enough to where your noses are about to rub, hold it for two seconds, wet your lips if you need to, and then make that final leap of faith onto her mouth. Rejection shouldn’t be on your mind, because if a girl lets you get within a couple inches of her face, she’ll accept the kiss. If you’re at a non-alcoholic venue, you’ll have the opportunity to perform at least one pass after the hug goodbye, where you loosen the hug but leave both of your hands resting on her hips so you remain close to her.

While this technique gives you an assurance that she’s ready, it’s actually overkill because she’ll probably be ready well before you even do the staring contest. It mainly serves as an added benefit for building tension.

A rule of thumb when it comes to kissing a girl is to see if she remains still when you get close to her face. If you’re a few inches away and she doesn’t move, she can be kissed—right then and there. Experiment in a way that balances speed with sexual tension. If you’re talking to a girl you don’t ever want to see again, go for speed, but if you want to take her out again, build as much tension as you can to blow her away when you finally do kiss her

Another way to feel out the kiss is through the cheek kiss move. It’s an optional move I use if I want instant feedback on how I’m doing. To perform this move, wait for a natural break in the interaction, such as when she goes to the bathroom or to the bar for a drink. Then turn your head sideways, point to your cheek, and say, “Kiss on cheek.” If she asks why or says no, it means you have to keep working on her. Her refusal may be a cause for concern because, after all, it’s only a cheek kiss. If she gives you a simple cheek kiss, take that as a neutral sign that means you’re on track. If she makes out with your cheek, then she’s ready to make out with you. Keep the move going by asking her to give a kiss on your other cheek. Then say, “Alright, I guess I gotta give you one now.” Give slow kisses to both sides of her face and then make eye contact while you’re still close. If she doesn’t pull back, go for the kiss right there. There are many ways to kiss a girl, and as long as you don’t ask for permission, tell her you want to kiss her, or make sudden movements, it’s hard to go wrong.

There are a couple kissing technique tips to keep in mind. First, you get better at kissing by copying good kissers. Kiss a lot of girls, note what they did that felt good, and then try that on the next girl. Chances are that if it turned you on, it will turn someone else on, too. Because girls are generally better kissers than guys, it’s better to learn from them. Second, ramp up contact gradually. When you first start kissing a girl, don’t immediately give massive amounts of tongue. As time goes on, slowly introduce more and more tongue, then some biting, and then whatever other move you want to try. Third, keep your hands moving. Kissing is a great distraction to let your hands do some exploration. Let them slowly roam her body to amplify the experience. Cup one hand on her face like you see in the movies. Run your hand over her hair and hold the back of her head as you lead the kiss. If you’re sitting down, start thinking about introducing your hand to her upper thigh, rubbing it slowly. This is an important move for later.

If you’re reasonably certain she’s not going to kiss you on the same night (for instance, if she keeps moving away when you get close), think about ending the interaction with a number before it gets stale. There’s little benefit in continuing indefinitely without the possibility of physical escalation, because more things can go wrong than right.

The Venue Change

A venue change occurs when the two of you move to another location. The advantage of moving is that it deepens your connection, because now you are together and technically on a date, though sometimes logistics can make this move hard to pull off. If she’s with friends, it will be hard to get them all on board for the move because they’ll each have their own agenda. If it’s late and you’re already at the peak venue having a fun time, the likelihood of moving to another bar or club approaches zero.

Venue changes are easier to pull when you’re somewhere that serves as a warm-up spot. If you’re in a small dive bar and tell the girl about a really awesome club across the street, there’s a good chance she’ll come. This produces a possible strategy: start the night at a small place, hoping to venue change girls into your main venue nearby. The likelihood of a one-night stand goes up dramatically if you can squeeze in a venue change or two, because they distort time and makes her feel as if she’s known you longer than she actually has. It’s a strategy we’ll use later with dating.

There are two main ways to execute a venue change. The first is selling the venue. Tell her that you and your buddy were planning to go somewhere else and without trying to be too convincing, imply that you think it will be better than the current venue. Example: “My friend and I are thinking of going to this bar a couple blocks away. We had a lot of fun there last time, so I think it’s going to be good tonight. Their music is pretty good.” Keep it simple without sounding like an advertisement. If she wants to go but her friends don’t, she’s not going anywhere. It’s not a big deal and you can continue the conversation, since saying “thinking of going” doesn’t nail you down to leaving immediately. Still, it’s a good idea to attempt a venue change only if there is a real chance of your leaving relatively soon, because staying the rest of the night will send a signal that you’ve altered your plans because of her. The last thing you want to do is follow her around in the hope of gaining her favor. She needs to follow your lead instead. If she doesn’t go along with the venue change and you’re leaving, get her phone number.

The second venue change technique is selling the possibility of a good time. You’ll usually use this at the end of the night, when the clubs are closing and you want to go for a one-night stand. Let the girl know that even though this place is closing, you want to continue the night somewhere else. Put on the appearance that you’re still full of energy and don’t want to go to bed yet. Start by saying, “Are you still trying to hang out? I mean, are you going home to sleep now or are you trying to keep the night going? I think I can use at least one more drink.” If you’re with a friend, you can add how the night is important, since you two haven’t hung out in a while or since you’re celebrating something like a job promotion. Make it sound like this night is more special than normal. If you’ve recently traveled to somewhere exotic, add, “When I was in Rome, the party didn’t get started until this time. It’s strange that here it’s the time when things end.”

Avoid the temptation to venue change to a place that sells food. Eating tends to dull the alcohol buzz and it makes girls tired, especially late-night food (like pizza, gyros, or burgers). That delicious grease acts like a tranquilizer.

What you want to do is steer the party to her house. Set up a smokescreen by asking a lot of questions that give the impression that you’re reluctant to go to her place. Ask what type of music and alcohol she has and if her place is nice. Say you’re a little hungry and ask what type of food she has. Make it seem as if her answers are barely acceptable for your discriminating tastes. Example: “That’s all you’ve got? Well, I guess that’s okay.” It’s as if she wants you to come but you’re not sure if her place is good enough.

Here’s where it gets tricky. Without asking if you can come over, assume that she’s said yes and then start to work on the transportation logistics. Ask how she got there and then plan aloud about ways for everyone to get to her place. Say something like, “Actually, my car is a block away—I can drive” or “The subway stop is this way, right? How many blocks away is it?” or “I can flag down a taxi. Let me see if I have some cash.” At this point, she may have a mini-conference with a friend, if she’s still with one, to decide the issue. Stay relaxed and don’t seem as if you’re in a hurry—you’re all just friends, going to hang out at someone’s place, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Friends don’t have to convince friends to hang out. If she doesn’t want you to come over, she’ll offer an excuse that lets you know, such as her house is dirty or she has houseguests. She’ll never give an explicit yes—you’ll have to assume unless she makes it clear she means otherwise.

If you’re trying to get her to your place instead, say you have something in your house that makes continuing the fun possible. Then add a restriction that makes it seem as if you’re reluctant to have her over so it won’t seem like sex is inevitable. Say, “How about you come over for a little bit. We’ll listen to some good music and have a drink. Nothing too late, though, cause I have to get up early.” Tell her you’ll get her home after an hour or so—even though you’ll be going for it all once you get her into your bedroom.

It took me some time to get comfortable with venue changing to a girl’s place or mine. I used to think not enough trust had been established and there was no way she’d let a strange guy she’d just met take her somewhere alone, that she saw me as a possible rapist. But that was never the case. If a girl thinks you’re a murderer or rapist, she won’t spend time talking to you. When a girl declines a venue change, it’s either because of bad logistics or because she doesn’t want to appear to be a slut.

Girls who get turned off by your one-night stand attempt are the ones who would take longer to get into bed anyway. The attempt screens out those girls who aren’t serious about sex. Also, having a sexual intent by using physical touching and the desire to isolate makes it clear that friendship isn’t in the cards. She’ll just walk away from you before settling into a friendship, which you aren’t interested in. Going for sex early is win-win: if she submits to your moves, you get laid, and if not, you can move onto the next girl without wasting valuable time.

Let’s assume that you didn’t get the venue change and got a phone number instead. You give her a hug and maybe a kiss goodbye. Then you go home and think about her before you go to bed (because she’s hot), imagining how great it would be if you could get with her. You even imagine notching up your belt since she showed so much interest in you with that “Don’t forget to call me” goodbye. It’s as if your entire life could change from meeting one girl and getting her number. Then you call her, leave a message, and never hear from her again. Ah, yes, welcome to middle game, the most frustrating part of game—where sure things turn out to be nothings. If you were able to venue change into her place the same night, then advance to Boardwalk, because late game awaits you.

3

MIDDLE GAME

Most phone numbers will go nowhere. You’re doing incredible if half the numbers you get result in a first date. That means that even when your game gets really good, you’ll still get rejected and have prospects that don’t convert. So step back and look at the big picture: one prospect will mean little in the grand scheme of things.

The worst thing you can do is get excited over a phone number or a make-out, because it sets you up for frustration if the number is fake or if she doesn’t call back. However, there’s a difference between being a pessimist and a realist. A pessimist thinks that no girl likes him, that no girl will ever call him back, and the whole game thing is a waste of time because nothing good will ever happen. Pessimistic thoughts lead to inaction. On the other hand, a realist understands that while most prospects will go nowhere, to reach the successes that make the game worthwhile he needs to endure and keep at it. A realist thinks, “I’ll try my best with this girl and have a good time, but I won’t care or get upset if it goes nowhere, because that’s how the game is. I’ll get it next time.”

Date Venues

Before you call a girl, you need to know where you’re going to take her. Date venues can be separated into two categories: chill and loud. Chill venues are generally quieter and allow for a conversation-heavy date, while loud venues have noise or action that reduces conversation. I do first dates on weekdays at chill venues because I want to strengthen the foundation with conversation to see if a girl is worthy for a primetime slot on the weekend, where my time is more valuable and costs are higher.

My chill venue spots consist of a café and a bar that are within walking distance of each other. Instead of a café, an independent coffee shop is fine, but Starbucks is too simple to be acceptable. At the café, I usually get a dessert, such as a pastry, piece of cake, or s’more, spend 45–60 minutes talking, and then venue change to the “real” date location, a nearby bar that’s quiet with few distractions.

Since we know venue changes are powerful in making it seem like you’ve known each other for longer than you have, we’re going to incorporate the technique into our first dates. Taking her to a café and then a bar feels like going on two dates in the same amount of time as one. If there are only bars nearby and no cafés, meet her at a mediocre bar as the first venue and then transition to a better one as the second. If you live in an isolated area and don’t have many venue options, you won’t be able to do the first date venue change. While two first date venues are optimal, it’s not required.

Don’t do restaurant dates with a girl you haven’t banged. No exceptions. Dinner dates are awkward, cliché, and expensive. You don’t want them in your dating life. Let the betas feed her instead. I’ve never understood the draw of sitting across from a girl for hours in a crowded dining area with a physical separator limiting my touching options.

Don’t do coffee dates either. Unless you have something planned afterward, there will be no making out in the coffeehouse. In the history of dating, there has never been a first kiss in the coffee shop. Coffee is a safe date for girls because they know it’s a place that makes it almost impossible for guys to escalate their game. They do coffee dates for practice and attention because it’s easy for them, but for you it’s a waste of time.

Also don’t do movie dates, the number one worst date idea in the world. If you’re going to sit next to a girl with a physical divider between you while staring at a screen in silence, you might as well take her to dinner, where you can at least talk. Always decline a girl’s suggestion for dinner or a movie. Feel free to let her know that you dislike those venues because they make it hard for two people to get to know each other naturally.

Once you’ve picked a centrally located café within walking distance of the second venue, you have all the information you need to contact her.

Phone Game

Middle game starts with the phone, a modern invention that’s supposed to make it easier for two people to communicate, but it does the opposite for men, because women have taken its simple purpose and turned it into a complicated beast they use to screen men and to get attention. With the popularity of text messaging, simple and direct phone communication becomes even harder.

It took me a while to master the phone because, like many other guys, I’m the type of person who prefers face-to-face communication. I don’t like playing with a plastic device without being able to see facial expressions. Unfortunately, poor results with email make the phone something we can’t avoid.

Just like with approaching, practice is important—it’s not a bad idea to get numbers of girls you’re not really interested in just to get them on the phone. Because you’ll be less nervous, practicing on those girls will help you gain enough confidence and skill to be competent with someone you do like. If you have zero phone game experience and the first number you get is a girl you want to impregnate, I guarantee you’ll bomb spectacularly. It would be like someone doing heart surgery without ever having seen blood before. Success in either case would be attributable to sheer luck instead of skill.

The first issue in phone game is when to call or text back. I’ve tried everything: contacting her the same night, the next day, after two days, three days, four days, five days, and all the way up to two weeks. Accounting as best as I can for variables such as interest level, sooner tends to be better. The sweet spot that’s soon but isn’t interpreted as needy is calling back in 2–4 days. If she showed interest in you, was receptive to your game, or you made out with her, contact her in two days. If you got lukewarm interest, try in two days. If she seemed cold and displayed no interest at all, but still gave her number, try…two days. Or call in three days, or four, but whichever number you choose, stick with it for a while before trying another length of time. You’ll end up picking the number you feel most comfortable with. (As of this writing, I’m a big fan of two days.) You start to have issues when you go longer than four days because you risk disturbing momentum and excitement. If you take so long to hit her up that she concludes you never will, she’ll be less excited when you do contact her, because mentally she will have already “moved on.”

One exception to the 2–4 day rule is to avoid contacting her for the first time on a Friday or Saturday. Girls like to give the appearance that they’re popular or busy, so there’s a lower chance she’ll respond back within a reasonable amount of time if you contact her on those two days. Therefore, if you meet a girl on Wednesday, contact her on Sunday. If you meet a girl on Tuesday, contact her on Thursday. Monday meets can also be dealt with by Thursday.

The last logistical issue is the hour to contact her for the first time. I find the best time is 8:00–9:00 p.m.. It’s a time when girls are winding down their day and doing nothing important enough to prevent them from responding in a timely manner.

Your main goal with the first phone contact is to set a date. It’s not to build attraction, increase rapport, or make her think you’re an amazing guy—it’s simply to get her to agree to a meeting. That means your phone or text conversation will be short (3–10 minutes of talking or 3–5 text messaging cycles). First we’ll go over how to call a girl, a method that may be on its way to becoming obsolete, and then we’ll discuss my text messaging strategy.

If you find yourself nervous when you’re about to call, chill out, because odds are she won’t answer the phone. Girls very rarely answer phone calls from numbers they don’t recognize, especially as they get into their twenties. Also, because she’ll have a cell phone service that allows you to follow prompts to redo the voicemail you leave, there’s no reason to be nervous when you call. Even if she has your number in her phone, she probably still won’t answer.

I firmly believe in leaving a message if she doesn’t pick up the phone. This lets her know that you aren’t playing phone games and see no reason why she shouldn’t call back. It also forces her to put in at least a minimum amount of effort to keep the interaction going. The best voice message shows that you aren’t so insecure about not getting a call back that you try to overcompensate by telling a joke or story. Keep it simple. Here’s the message I leave in all situations, spoken in an upbeat tone at a relaxed pace:

“Hey, Melanie, it’s Roosh. It’s Thursday at nine p.m… give me a call when you get the chance. My cell phone number is (240) 380-4818.”

A girl has made up her mind on whether she’s going to call you back before you even pick up the phone. There’s no message in the world that will make her girl call you back when she’s already decided not to, but there are messages you can leave that can change her mind and stop her from calling you back. In the case of voice messages, boring is better. My simple voice message avoids the pitfalls of a typical bad message, like the joke or story drop, or a description that insinuates you’re forgettable. Here’s an example of a bad message:

“Hey, it’s Steve, from Friday night at the bar, with the striped shirt, just calling to say—”

If she gave you her number, she’s already interested (or was at the moment she gave it to you). Until you see her again in person, you can only do more to harm than good.

Once you leave a message, put the phone down and occupy your mind with something else. You’re expecting a call, not waiting for one. Get on with your life and don’t worry if your phone has a strong enough signal or if your ringer is loud enough for you to hear it. If you’re doing things that you wouldn’t do if you were just expecting a call from a buddy, you need to take a step back by turning off the ringer and hiding your phone until the next morning. You’re giving too much power to the girl if you eagerly await her call. It’s okay if you don’t answer when she calls, because she won’t mind a couple back-and-forths on the phone. In fact, you can build that into future messages by saying, “Hey, it’s Roosh again. Phone tag—you’re it!”

It’s a positive sign if she calls back within an hour. If she’s going to call back at all, it’s usually going to be within three hours. If she doesn’t return your call that same night, she’ll probably never call, so by hour three you’ll know where you stand. If she calls soon after you left a message, go ahead and answer. If she calls back the next day, don’t answer and see if she gives an excuse in her voicemail. At the minimum she can show you that she feels bad about her flakey behavior. You may be tempted to complain to her for taking extra time to call back, but don’t. You can complain more after you’ve had sex with her, when she’s more heavily invested in you.

If you end up playing phone tag, take your time when it’s your turn to call back. If she takes a day to call back after your first call, don’t answer, and take at least an hour to return her call. You don’t want to make the game worse by taking longer to respond than she did, but you also don’t want to seem like you’re at her beck-and-call while she takes her time.

If you leave her a message, expect her to leave one too. I don’t recommend calling girls back who don’t leave a message because it shows she’s not even willing to put in the same amount of effort as you are. If she’s serious about seeing you, she’ll assume your phone was out of service when she called and try again later—or at least send a text message. If not, you can try calling back and not leaving a message, but odds are the interaction will deteriorate from there.

If she doesn’t call you back, chalk up the experience as something that will help make you a better player. I’ve tried lots of things to save a number, but all my experiments came back to the same conclusion: if she doesn’t call back after your initial message, it’s over. You’ll be frustrated and tempted to analyze the pick-up to see what you did wrong, but that’s useless, because you might not have done anything wrong. Girls are fickle and change their minds for no apparent reason, so don’t rack your brain trying to understand them.

Not getting a call-back is a normal part of the game and common with every player I’ve met. This is why we push for sex the same night we meet a girl. While we don’t let on that we think she’s going to flake (we put on an attitude that assumes the interaction will continue), we take advantage of the initial interaction when our probability of success is highest. Think of it this way: it’s possible that you might have gotten sex from a girl the same night you met who otherwise wouldn’t call you back if you only settled for her phone number. Strike when the iron is hot, and the iron is hottest when you first meet.

When it’s time to talk on the phone, have two conversation threads ready. They’re important, because silence on the first phone call is even more awkward than after an approach. A good first thread is to talk about something that’s recent or currently occurring. Maybe you went to a grocery store, coffee shop, movie, friend’s house, happy hour, or going away party. After you exchange initial greetings, start the conversation with something like, “I just got back from—” Maybe you can joke about how you went to the gym and destroyed your chest. Maybe you just came from the coffee shop, where you read an interesting book. Maybe you just saw a cheesy movie. Maybe you just met a long-lost friend at a bar. Or maybe you just went to the store and bought an ironic t-shirt. I usually call girls when I’m about to cook (I eat late), and they often call me back while I’m cooking. I start the conversation by telling them how I’m preparing a gourmet meal from my Betty Crocker cookbook. The purpose of the initial thread is to get a nice, basic conversation started. Odds are she’ll get into what she’s been recently doing as well.

The second thread will be a random idea, thought, or interesting question that flows naturally from your first thread. For instance, if you’re talking about the gym, you can transition to a joke about how meatheads in tight shirts make you feel skinny and weak. If you’re talking about a coffee shop, move onto how you’re concerned about the hormones in your latte and might move to soy milk instead. If you’re talking about a movie, bring up how you’re thinking of subscribing to Netflix because mainstream flicks don’t do it for you anymore. If you just visited your family and were talking about your brothers and sisters, say how they look up to you and how you aim to be their role model. Keep it light and fun without introducing any serious or heavy topics. You don’t want to push heavy topics on the phone because she can’t see your facial expressions or body language and may take your words the wrong way. Don’t introduce controversial personal beliefs or say anything that conflicts with her existing image of you. The main idea is not to do anything that gives her doubts about seeing you again.

Sometimes you’ll come across a chatty girl who enjoys talking on the phone, which pushes the conversation’s length into several minutes. Go along with the flow, but keep in mind that having a first conversation that goes beyond ten minutes accomplishes very little. Save it for the first date instead. The more time you spend talking on the phone, the higher chance you’ll say something damaging. Remember: most girls make dating a big deal and analyze everything you say with their friends to see if there was something important behind it, especially when she isn’t sure about you yet. The less you say, the less she has to analyze.

There’s a 10% chance she’ll answer when you first call. If she does answer, say, “Hey, it’s Justin,” and ask how she’s doing. After she replies, hit her with your first conversation thread. There will be times when a girl answers your first call but realizes she doesn’t want to talk to you. What she’s going to do is say, “Hey let me give you a call back, I’m doing blah blah blah,” before one minute of conversation. Of course this is bullshit because she wouldn’t have answered her phone from an unknown number if she wasn’t ready to talk. You will be tempted to say something like, “Oh okay call me back when you get the chance.” Instead just say, “Alright bye,” and hang up the phone. It’s over.

A silence will occur after the second thread dies out. Instead of starting a new topic, say, “So what does your schedule look like during the week?” Avoid taking a stab in the dark and suggesting a time before you know her availability. After she tells you her work hours or when she has her yoga class, suggest a day and general time when she would probably be free. Say, “How about we hang out on Thursday night?” Don’t give an exact time yet. If all is going well, she’ll say something like, “Sounds good, where and what time?” Suggest one of your quiet venues by saying, “How about we start at—” If she doesn’t mention anything about transportation, the assumption is that you won’t need to pick her up. From the position of getting back to her place or yours, you don’t want her to drive, because she’ll be independently mobile and less likely to carpool back with you after the date. You want her to walk, take public transportation, or have you pick her up, but don’t push to pick her up first or your sex agenda may come across too strongly. If she thinks out loud about how she’s going to get there, say, “Let me know if you need a ride,” which is an indirect and smooth way of making the offer.

Only let her pick the venue if you have to go into her neighborhood due to her lack of transportation. Assuming you don’t know her area, ask if she knows a quiet place with comfortable seating, but if you’re familiar with the neighborhood go ahead and pick. If she doesn’t like your first choice, make another suggestion. If she doesn’t like that one either, tease that you’ve never had a first date try to take on the role of the man by picking the place before.

If the date is one or two days away, suggest a time after you’ve settled on the place. If your date is three or more days away, you need a defense against getting stood up, since many things can happen within three or more days, including having her change her mind without bothering to let you know. In that case, you want to tell her you aren’t absolutely sure of the time, but you’ll call her on that day to confirm. For example: “Okay, Thursday at Moe’s Café sounds good. I’m thinking around 8:30, but I’m not sure what time I’ll get off work. Let me call when I get out, but let’s aim for around 8:30.”

On the day of the date, call two or three hours before the proposed time and have a quick conversation that goes something like: “Hey, how are you… I just got off work and 8:30 will work for me… see you then.” If she doesn’t answer her phone, leave a quick message that just asks her to call you back, without leaving any details. If she doesn’t call back, you’ve saved yourself from getting stood up. While getting stood up doesn’t feel good, I think every guy needs to have it happen to him a couple times in order to learn about the type of girl he needs to avoid. It happens to all players, so don’t get upset—just delete her phone number and move on. If you’re planning a date for only one day away, the flake defense move isn’t necessary. For dates two days away, I don’t use flake defense unless I get a vibe based on experience that the girl has a flakey personality. Once you’ve set a time and place, all that’s left is showing up for the date.

Text Communication

Text messaging was barely on the radar when I wrote the first edition of this book (I remember calling it “a waste of time”), but a lot has changed since then. In fact, my current recommendation is to use text messaging instead of calling as your main way to schedule first dates. The reason is because I’ve had sex with girls using text messaging who wouldn’t have otherwise returned my voicemail.

What often happens with voicemail is that a girl may plan to call you back but forgets or loses track of time. A day or two passes and then she feels weird, hesitant, or nervous about picking up the phone. With text, you get responses from girls who are more shy, passive, or flakey, but still open to having sex. There’s also a younger breed of girl who was raised on text and has little experience about making calls and having a normal conversation with a man.

While text messaging is easier in that you’ll make fewer mistakes than in a live conversation, it’s far more annoying and tedious. For example, when you call a girl and leave a voice message, you often hear back in a short time and then set a date in just a few minutes, but with text messaging the process can be drawn out for hours—or even days. You’ll sit staring at your phone, wondering why women have made the simple act of setting a date so much more complicated than it needs to be.

The key to preventing yourself from going crazy is to be patient, not to get frustrated, and to keep it as simple as possible. On the phone you can crack a joke here or there and then ease into making plans, but that would be foolhardy using text because it’s surely going to be misinterpreted. You’ll be written off as weird. The optimal text game is to remain logistical and to get straight to the point of asking her out. Refrain from sending jokes, stories, or emoticons.

I absolutely do not recommend sending a text on the same night you meet (a common one is along the lines of “It was nice meeting you”). It’s a mistake for three reasons: 1) Most other guys do this and you’ll end up grouped with them; 2) It relieves all the tension of her wondering if you’re going to contact her or not; and 3) It can easily be construed as needy, no matter how tight your game was when you met her.

Just as when calling on the phone, make your first contact 2–4 days after the first meeting at the same time of night (between 8 and 9 p.m.). Here’s a default text messaging template to follow for setting the first date, with additional comments that explain the strategy.

You: hey jenny its roosh. how are you?”

Her: “i’m good. how about you?”

Send this first text even if she has your number in her phone and knows it’s you. It’s generally a bad sign if it takes her more than an hour to respond, so you’ll know by then if you have a solid prospect on your hands. Note the undercapitalization and missing punctuation (feel free to leave out the last question mark). It’s preferable to show you don’t care too much, and besides, we’re not writing a master’s thesis. An occasional misspelling helps more than hurts because it shows you aren’t proofreading your texts. When it’s your turn to reply, send:

You: “good good. do you want to hang out later in the week?”

You can also say “this week” instead of “later in the week.” There are two things to notice here: 1) We’re getting right down to business (otherwise the process would take forever); and 2) We’re giving her the opportunity to say yes. Putting the ball in her court forces her to make some effort and investment, no matter how small. She doesn’t just hop along for the ride without doing a bit of work.

Her: “okay sure”

You: “how about thursday around 9?”

Sometimes you have to take a stab in the dark when suggesting plans, unlike the phone, where you can feel out the days she’ll be free. What you can do to make it less of a stab is to ask about days she might be free when initially getting her number. As you’re saving her number in your phone, say, “I’m usually free on Wednesday nights—maybe that’ll be good?”

Continue to shoot for weekday nights for your first date, and suggest one at least two days in advance. Suggesting a date one day in advance is risky and going for one on the same day is the wrong move, though it’s a common mistake guys diving into text game make. Only desperate girls accept same-day date planning, especially before sex has occurred. It’s something you do to your girlfriend or for a booty call, not to a new girl. Just because you’re using an easier way to contact her doesn’t mean you’re going to get sloppy and change the game.

If she happens to be busy on the day of your initial suggestion, she’ll throw out another day if she’s interested and you can proceed as described below. If she replies with a “no,” or “I’m sorry I can’t” without a counteroffer, chances are the interaction is over and she’s simply being nice by replying to you in the first place. There are two things you can do. First, you can suggest another day, but it probably won’t work because if she was feeling you, she would’ve already done that. The second thing, which I recommend, is to do nothing. Don’t reply and let a few days go by until you breezily start another text conversation by sending a restart text, which I’ll explain later. Your hope in restarting is that you’ll be catching her in a hornier mood, when she’ll be more likely to agree to a date. The worst thing you can do is push it when she’s not at all being lukewarm to your texts.

Let’s continue the script after she has accepted your date suggestion.

Her: “sounds good, where?”

You: “let me think of a place. ill hit you up thursday”

You do this as an indirect way to confirm the date if it’s scheduled a couple days in advance, which it probably will be. It’s a flake defense move that will prevent you from getting stood up by a girl who changed her mind during the two-day downtime. If you scheduled a date for the next day, then reply by telling her the place. Otherwise, send a confirmation four to five hours before the start time on the day of the date (if you suggested a 9:00 date time, send a confirmation text between 4:00 and 5:00). Here’s an example for setting the date venue:

You: “Hey how about we meet at so-and-so bar at 9?”

Her: “okay see you then.”

She gave you a very straightforward response, but let’s replay it with her replying in a slightly different manner.

You: “Hey how about we meet at so-and-so bar at 9?”

Her: “okay sounds good”

You: “cool”

The difference is subtle but important. In the first case she said “see you then,” which implies that the date is locked and loaded. There’s no reason to reply or confirm. In the second case, her “sounds good” was a semi-confirmation that leaves things slightly open. It would be prudent to lock it up with a “cool” or “alright.”For centuries to come, game scholars will debate how necessary it is to send a confirmation text when a girl agrees to the date, but my take is this: for the first date, don’t give her an excuse to stand you up. On future dates, especially after some intimacy has been established, you can be a little more lazy about locking up the confirmation to make her wonder if you’re going to show up or not. That’s riskier on the first date because if she isn’t well-invested in you, she could not show up and simply say she wasn’t sure if you were coming or not.

That’s all it takes to set a date with text. The main idea is to keep it simple and purely logistical. Do not try to start a new conversational thread, don’t tell stories, and definitely don’t try to build attraction through cocky or funny lines. Only after you’ve had sex with her and build deeper rapport can you open up and flirt and joke more, but being flirty before sex has a high risk of backfiring.

One important thing to keep in mind is to regulate your response times. If she takes 15 minutes to reply to your text, take 10–20 minutes to respond. If she takes 30 minutes, take 20–40 minutes. If she takes 60 minutes, take 45–75 minutes. Vary your response times and be unpredictable—sometimes reply a little earlier and sometimes much later. A big part of having tight text game comes down to your reply times, and the last thing you want is to appear eager.

A common occurrence will be when a girl takes forever to respond. You text her, then hours (or maybe even a full day) went by, but she doesn’t text back. You wonder if she died. If she does eventually reply, it’s either because she’s flakey or testing your neediness.

While waiting for her response, don’t make the mistake of texting again, no matter how much time has passed, and absolutely do not call her. If you think of a non-response as disrespect (which I believe it is), it’d be foolish to reward it with another text, since it’s the same as calling again after she didn’t respond to your initial voicemail. By sending a second text you put a nail in the interaction while stroking her ego. Wait it out instead, and if she finally does reply, make sure you take your sweet time texting back.

You’ll notice when girls are playing the game with you when it takes exactly 30 or 60 minutes to respond. This isn’t entirely bad, because she doesn’t want to appear eager herself (she wants you to think she’s busy and, ultimately, a desirable catch). While on the surface it seems silly to time responses, that’s what it takes to not appear needy and to get girls out who are attracted to you. Believe me when I say that you can lose a girl by replying too quickly.

With text messaging, when in doubt, chill out. As long as you regulate reply times and keep it logistical, it’s hard to go wrong. This strategy ensures that you’ll be getting out the girls who already like you. Trying to build attraction through text is fruitless because if you couldn’t do it in person, you’re definitely not going to do it 160 characters at a time.

Also consider using black-out periods to hide the fact that you’re meticulous with your reply times. Refrain from sending texts on the hour or half hour. For example, don’t send a text at exactly 4:00 or 4:30; send it at 4:03 or 4:27 instead. While a seemingly trivial detail, this suggests that you aren’t waiting to reply at certain times. Make things appear as natural as possible (ironically, by being unnatural).

Text game gets more variable after the first date. You’ll probably be making it up as you go along, but I find that you won’t be heavily messaging a girl until you’ve had three or four dates and have already gotten the bang.

If she starts to show affection in her text messaging, it’s okay to do the same. Just follow this simple rule: do not show more affection than she does. It’s okay to keep up with her, but never surpass her. An example is when a girl sends you a text immediately after a good first date. It happens to me about a third of the time.

Her: “Hey I had a really good time tonight! Thanks for the

drinks, kiss.”

You: “Yeah I did too. Good night.”

Feel free to show affection or interest as long as she’s doing it first and yours isn’t more than hers, as in the previous example. Follow this principle and your texts will never be mocked by a girl in front of her friends and you won’t be seen as needy or a beta. That leads to a good rule of thumb when it come to text: would you send the text you’re writing if you knew that all her friends were going to read it? Because rest assured—she’ll share nearly everything with her girlfriends.

There will be times when you get frustrated about how difficult it is to make plans. A girl is either taking too long to reply or she’s playing games by suggesting to hang out and then suddenly disappearing. In such cases, you’ll be tempted to do one of two things. The first is to reply quickly. You’ll feel that you’re “losing her” and need to keep things going by sending a fast response. This is a wrong move. She’ll sense your neediness and pull back even more. The second thing is to pick up the phone and call her to cut the bullshit and make solid plans, but this is also a wrong move, since I guarantee that she won’t pick up. She’ll just smile at how she’s getting you to chase her down. The last thing you want to do is to appear needy in the face of difficulty, and if you’re feeling frustrated or played, it’s likely that you’ve already lost the girl. The best thing you can do is relax, play it cool, and take your sweet time in replying.

Another tool for your text messaging toolbox is the restart text. It’s something you send days after a girl texts a date cancellation, refusal, or some other aloof message that suggests she’s slipping away. For example, say you ask a girl out on a Tuesday night but she responds by saying she can’t and doesn’t make a counteroffer. In that case, chill out, wait a couple days, and then send a restart text containing an innocuous question, such as “How was your weekend?” or “Did you survive Mardi Gras?” or something based on an event or activity she told you she was going to do.

The intent of a restart text is to gauge her responsiveness and enthusiasm. If she takes four hours to respond to a restart text and doesn’t give any substance for you to respond to, there’s no point asking her out again. If she responds with some detail or even asks a question, that’s positive enough for you to suggest to hang out one or two text cycles later. Sending a “what are you up to this week” can key you in on what day to go for the date.

You use restart texts because you don’t want to ask girls out who are becoming unresponsive, since that’s like trying to have a conversation with someone in a coma. Technically they can hear you, but it’s unlikely you’ll get a response. A restart text gives you information on where you stand while asking the girl to put some effort into the process, and if she refuses to do so, delete her number with no regrets.

You can use text messaging to set the second date as well. At the end of a good first date, feel out her future schedule by saying, “Maybe we should hang out again in a few days.” Remember you’re just feeling out her schedule, not trying to iron out plans. Her response will clue you in on which day to suggest for the next date. Text her in two or three days to see how she’s doing and then ask her out with the next reply, remaining logistical and boring. Her replies may have more color in them and you can add some to yours in response, but don’t go overboard (you’ll know when you’ve done that because she’ll take forever to reply, punishing you for being a retard).

If everything goes well on the second date and you want to continue seeing her, pick up the phone and make a first phone call, which also doubles as a test. Even though she has your number in her phone and has gone out with you (and maybe was even penetrated by your snake), there’s at least a 50% chance that she won’t answer. In that case, leave the brief voicemail as described earlier. If she takes more than two hours to call back or merely responds with a text instead of calling, don’t ever call again unless she calls you. She’s telling you that she’s not ready to put in the extra work of talking on the phone—so you shouldn’t either. Stick to texts. We’re at a point in our culture where you may never talk on the phone with a girl you get into a relationship with. A good rule of thumb is not to call until you’ve had sex—or come very close to it.

Once you get past the downside of text messaging, you’ll find that there’s a healthy upside—getting more dates. With text I get a 75% reply rate (with phone, it’s closer to 66%). That may not sound significant, but over a couple years that means I’m taking out a lot more women. I prefer talking on the phone, but as they say, the proof is in the pudding. Since it’s possible that you may get more dates by calling instead of texting, it’d be prudent to experiment with both strategies.

Email Communication

Email is your worst communication option, but it does have its uses, such as when you’re traveling abroad. Otherwise, there’s no reason to take a girl’s email address without getting her phone number. In the rare case that an email address is all you can get, treat it the same as a phone number—send a short message 2–4 days later. Don’t introduce any new stories or run any complicated routines, and don’t try to jog her memory by explaining who you are. In your first email, say what you are up to, make a reference to meeting her, and suggest a date—all under fifty words. For example:

Subject: [none]

Hey,

Right now I’m sitting in my cubicle, staring at my padded wall. You wish you were me. Saturday night was fun though… good to meet a fellow dog-hater. Do you want to hang out for a drink this week?

Roosh

If she wants to have a drink with you, she’ll write back promptly. Otherwise you’ll get no response or a lame excuse about being busy. If she gives a positive reply, answer whatever questions she poses and then end your second (still short) email with: “I was thinking maybe Thursday. What’s your phone number?” Contact her within a day of her reply and follow the standard phone or text game procedure to set a date. If a girl gives me bullshit about only wanting to talk through email, I write something snippy about not wanting to be internet pen pals and then let her come after me if she’s really interested.

It’s up to you whether you want to play the email game, but you will find it rarely pays off. The main reason I advise against email is that it unnecessarily lengthens the time until you see her again. If you’re going to have to get her phone number anyway, you might as well get it in the beginning. The time it takes to set a date on the phone is one or two days. Through email it can take up to a week.

The First Date

Since it takes a handful of numbers to get one date, you may feel pressure to perform well on the ones you do go on, but you shouldn’t. Dates are easier than when you first met her because you already have her attention and don’t need to compete with her friends or other guys. Also, silences are more welcome. If a girl agreed to a date, that means she already likes you and you just need to eke out a respectable performance to get some action. Don’t make it harder on yourself by scheduling a first date with a group or another couple. Resist if she tries to invite you to a party with her friends, and be suspicious if she runs into a friend during the date. You want the first date to be in isolation. If not, you’re back to where you were when you first met, competing for her attention and dealing with cockblockers.

As for what to wear on the first date, lean toward the conservative side of your wardrobe. Many times I go out at night with friends wearing bold colors or experimental t-shirts to stand out and get some attention, but on date nights that’s not necessary. Dress simple, but nice.

Some guys prepare for a date by loading up on caffeine and getting pumped up with music, but a first date isn’t a high-energy affair—it’s just you sitting next to a person and talking for several hours. If you’re going to do a lot of talking on a date, the best way to prepare is to do some talking. Call a couple friends beforehand and have conversations to put you in a talkative state.

As you’re walking, driving, or subwaying to the date, remind yourself that your goal is to have sex with the girl. It’s not to impress her with your amazing qualities, wow her with conversation, induce hysterical laughter, or to make out with her—it’s to bang her. While you’ll probably make her laugh and have awesome conversation, that is not your main goal.

Not until after you bang her can you focus on other things, such as a relationship, regular sex, threesomes, anal, and so on. You want to get sex out of the way as quickly as possible so you can get past all the silly games and bullshit women often play before it happens. You’re going to follow a tested and easy process to gain access to her vagina no later than the third date.

Start off the date on the right foot—by being late. Even if you get to the venue early, walk around or sit in your car so you can be late by 5–10 minutes. The reason ties into something we already discussed: you want the girl to focus on herself. Because many girls are insecure, she’ll start to worry about being stood up. She’ll have anxious feelings focusing on your arrival instead of the doubts she had about coming to see you. When you arrive, she’ll probably be on the phone with a friend to reduce her anxiety. Give her an enthusiastic “Hi!” and a quick hug. Under no circumstances should you bring a gift on dates, such as flowers or candies. She’ll peg you as a beta if you start with the cliché romantics before a serious relationship develops.

Begin a date conversation the same way you’d start one on the phone. After you hug her, ask how she’s doing and launch into a conversation thread about something recent or present. Maybe something interesting happened on the drive over or maybe you got lost, had to stay late at work, or just took a hard exam. As long as it happened today, talk about it as you would to a close friend. She’ll then go into something that happened to her that day. The first thread breaks the ice and relaxes you both. Start with basic threads and move up in complexity as the date progresses.

You’ll notice I gave a way to start the date without accounting for whether you had kissed her or not in your previous encounter. That’s because even if you did kiss her beforehand, you can’t greet her with your tongue—you have to start over and rebuild the energy since the last time you saw her. It’s like re-priming a pump. When it comes to the first date, the only difference that prior kissing makes is toward the end of the date, when you’re most likely to get farther.

If you are starting the date at a café, order a dessert and a glass of water. Coffee won’t make a lot of sense if you’re going to drink afterward. When you’re both looking at the menu, say, “We’ll start here and then I know a place down the street we can go next.” Recommend a good snack if you’ve been to the café before.

Spend your time in getting-to-know-you conversation. Talk about your job, your background, your childhood pets, favorite foods, likes, dislikes, hobbies, countries you’ve visited, and whatever else an average girl considers important in getting to know someone. When you first meet a girl it’s better to focus on more interesting and higher energy threads to create a good first impression, but now you can spend time building rapport and looking for commonalities.

Even if there’s only physical attraction between the two of you, make an effort to at least feign interest in who she is as a person. Acknowledge similarities, no matter how minor. If you both love macaroni and cheese, stop short of suggesting you two might be soul mates.

During getting-to-know-you conversation, avoid making it sound like an interview. Both of you should be conversing and asking questions and it should flow naturally without much effort, because after all, you two barely know each other and have decades of combined experiences, interests, and knowledge to discuss. Use the tail end of one thread to launch into another. For instance, if you’re talking about careers, the future may come up, which lets you talk about the exciting things you really want to do. Talking about your dreams may touch upon travel and your favorite international cities. Talking about your favorite international cities may lead to a story about a certain club you loved. Talking about a certain club you loved may remind you of your nightlife culture opinions. Talking about nightlife culture may touch on alcohol, your bartending knowledge, or your favorite drinks. Talking about your favorite drinks may lead to a discussion of food and your comical cooking failures. Talking about cooking may lead to mention of your dirty kitchen and the sloppy roommates you live with. Talking about sloppy roommates may lead to a conversation about renting a place versus buying one. Talking about renting may lead to a conversation about how you have friends who still live at home with their parents. Talking about your friends’ parents may lead to the funny things your parents do. Talking about your parents may lead to your childhood and an interesting thing you did in the first grade. Talking about the first grade may lead to what you think about kids and your little sibling. Talking about your little sibling may lead to a conversation about pets and how you had a crazy hamster that died of natural causes. Talking about your dead hamster may lead to a movie you loved that had a hamster, and discussion of your favorite movies in general. I think you get the idea.

If you go with the flow, conversations with total strangers you have nothing in common with can go on forever, just by hopping through threads. Keep The Vibe in mind and be chatty within your comfort level without forcing awkward statements that sound as if you’re trying too hard. There’s nothing more you can do to prepare, because it’s not practical to memorize material for a several hour date.

People will say you shouldn’t talk about god or politics on dates, but this isn’t an absolute rule. If you and the girl have the same opinions on god or politics, talking about it can strengthen your bond. You can probe each topic and make an educated guess as to whether you share the same beliefs before you bring it up in a serious way. For instance, if you ask a girl if she goes to church regularly and she says yes, it wouldn’t be wise to discuss your atheist beliefs until after you bang her. (“I’m not religious, but I keep an open mind” has come out of my mouth dozens of times on first dates.) If you ask who she voted for in the last presidential election and she says the name of the guy you hate, it would be unsafe to talk about politics. Even if you have the same viewpoints on these topics, glaze over them for a minute or two anyway, because religion and politics are the most asexual topics you can discuss.

After 45–60 minutes of talking, get ready to move to the second venue. (If there is no second venue, ramp down the getting-to-know-you conversation and gradually change gears for the next stage.) When you get the check, pay without making a big deal about it. On the first date, you’ve invited her to venues of your choosing, so the most logical and natural move is to pay. She may offer to pay her share, and even if it’s an insincere offer, it’s a positive sign that she’s at least trying to match your effort. If she offers, say, “No, it’s fine, I got it. You can get me next time.”

Earlier, we talked about two key moves: the staring contest and the hair stroke. The next one we’re going to discuss is the arm-in-arm move. Perform this move on the walk to the second venue. Simply stick your elbow out to the side your date is on and form a hook for her to grab. Most girls know what this means and will instinctively put an arm through yours. If she doesn’t pick up on your cue, gently nudge her with your elbow and make an exaggerated throat-clearing sound. If she still doesn’t get it, which will be rare, say how your mom is one-fourth French and taught you how to walk arm-in-arm from a young age. It’s not critical to keep the arm-in-arm hold for the entire walk to the second venue, but do it for at least a couple minutes. It seems innocent on the surface, but it’s a intimate gesture that is just shy of hand-holding.

Changing Gears

The fun starts at the second venue, one that serves alcohol in seating arrangements that make it possible for you to sit next to her. A comfortable couch or booth is preferable. You don’t want any physical space separating you two. After you order and take your first sips, take a deep breath and relax, because this is going to be the easiest time with your girl yet. Earlier you focused on informational conversation, but now you’re going to move toward humor and opinion. Ask if she believes in astrology and claim you read her horoscope today. Recite a couple vague statements and end with something surprisingly accurate, like, “You’ll be especially social tonight.” Go into your ideas about life, people, work, and man—the things you believe that make you who you are. Keep it positive. Let her know what you’re passionate about. Silences on your part will show your relaxed, confident nature. When they happen, instead of filling them like you did before, maintain relaxed eye contact with her for several seconds and then sit back and sip your drink while observing other patrons of the bar. You can play a game on whether you can guess if the couple nearby is in a relationship or not, and for how long. You’re at a point where almost half the silences should be broken by her.

Before you finish your first drink, perform the fourth key move: the fake palm read. You won’t meet a girl who doesn’t love having her palm read. Introduce the move by telling her that you know how to read palms. Make up a story about how your mom used to be the best palm-reader in town and taught you a couple things when you were little. She’ll doubt your ability, but insist that you’re extremely accurate. Nest her hand in yours and have your other hand ready to trace her palm. The effectiveness of this move isn’t in the reading, which is bogus, but in the hand touching. If you look at couples in public, what are they usually doing? Holding hands.

The three lines on a person’s palm are life, money, and love (I think, but it doesn’t matter). When you get to each line, all you have to do is feed back information she has already told you, under the guise that you’re reading her fortune. If she works in a law firm and is trying to move up the ladder, say, “Your line says that you’re ambitious and want to do law, maybe? Yes, law—and you want to be a really important person in your firm.” When she accuses you of not reading her fortune, smile and say, “No way, it’s all in the hand. It’s right there!” Pretend you’re offended that she thinks you’re not a reputable palm reader. She may even snatch her hand away, but grab it back and continue, asking her to stop disturbing the psychic energy. Go on for a couple minutes while you squint at her hand and hold it up to view at different angles. The only part you want to memorize is the love line analysis, which comes last. Say, “It says here that you’re going to meet a really cool guy.” Then describe yourself! She’ll laugh and give you a look, but continue to feign innocence as if you’re a legitimate palm reader. After the palm read, make extended eye contact and top it off with a smirk.

The fake palm read sets you up for the single arm move. Put your arm behind her and gently wrap around her lower back, ending at her waist. This is an obvious move that basically says, “Hey, look at me, I’m making a move!” but remember, your physical moves don’t always have to be subtle. If she’s engaging you, not texting on her phone every five minutes, not burping loudly, and not recoiling when you make any type of physical contact, she’ll welcome the single arm move and get ready for you to kiss her. Girls who don’t want to be kissed, on the other hand, will act fidgety, nervous, and distracted, and will keep reminding you of the time because she has to “go soon.” If your arm can’t get through because she’s sitting too far back, just ask her to move up a little so you can put your arm through. It’s that simple. By now you’ve both had a couple drinks, so sitting back is the natural thing to do. You know how guys in the movies do the exaggerated yawn to get an arm around a girl? You can do that, too, for a laugh. It doesn’t matter how you do it, as long as you do it. Now your hand will be able to gently cup the side of her ass for the rest of the night.

As more alcohol enters your systems, it will become increasingly difficult to maintain intelligent conversation. There will be more silences, more eye contact, and shorter exchanges that will be more playful in nature. You can even remark on how your ability to make smart conversation is diminishing. This would be a good time to run the “strawberry game.”

When I go on a date, the only things I remind myself to do are the arm-in-arm move, the fake palm read move, the single arm move, and the strawberry game. I can screw up or forget the other things, but these four are the milestones that help me stay on task for the first kiss and beyond. However, there is no single essential move you must do—they’re each a drop in the bucket of the overall vibe you’re trying to create. Think of each move as increasing your odds of success by a few percentage points, a number that in the end is too small to determine your fate. While I don’t want to sound like a total moron in non-scripted parts of the date, regular conversation doesn’t have to be award-winning and perfect. If she’s attracted to you (which she is, because she showed up on the date), comfortable with you, and you were able to run a couple moves, intimacy is almost guaranteed. Even on bad dates, where it was assumed there wouldn’t be a second, my dates were almost always down for make-outs by the end.

The Strawberry Game

The strawberry game is an example of kokology, a Japanese pseudo-science that is supposed to tell you things you didn’t know about yourself by answering situational questions. For instance, if I ask you to imagine walking through a woods, then ask you to tell me what it was like and you say it was a tropical rainforest, that means you’re ambitious and always looking for adventure. Sounds silly, right? But these types of games, like palm reading and horoscopes, are like crack to a woman. They’re effective at relaxing her and getting her into an imaginative mood to help her forget about her everyday problems. They also increase rapport and add to the I’ve-known-you-longer-than-I-really-have feeling.

After telling you that kokology is silly, I want to state that the strawberry game is fairly accurate. I’ve done it with at least fifty girls and from my experience a pattern emerges that gives weight to the analysis, especially with the first two questions. While it’s fun, I do it for my benefit as much as the girl’s.

To introduce the game, say, “Hey. I know a fun game that can tell me things about you.” She’ll be curious, so go ahead and begin. “Imagine yourself in a field. It’s a spring day and you’re wearing a cute spring outfit. Birds are circling above and it just feels comfortable. Off in the distance you see a strawberry field, a sea of green and red, and since you like strawberries, you start walking toward the field. You walk for what seems like a long time and you finally get to the field. How high is the fence around the strawberry field?”If she isn’t sure, say, “How high is it in your mind? There doesn’t have to be a fence if you don’t see one.” Continue: “You go inside the strawberry field and walk down the rows of strawberries. You notice that they’re big, juicy, and ripe. I mean, these are the best strawberries you’ve ever seen in your life. How many do you pick and eat right there?” The last question: “Alright, so you ate the strawberries and are very satisfied. Now you’re walking out of the strawberry field when the farmer stops you. He accuses you of eating his strawberries without asking. What do you say to him?”

The strawberry game reveals her views on sex because strawberries represent pleasure and passion to women. There’s a very good chance she’ll figure that out before you are done. The height of her fence represents her barrier to something pleasurable—in other words, her vagina. The answer you want to hear is, “I don’t see a fence.” I don’t believe in astrology or psychic power, but if a girl tells you her fence is higher than four feet (waist-high), she has sexual issues that you may have already identified before administering the test. You’re going to finesse the first question analysis because if her fence is low you don’t want to imply that she’s a slut. Say, “The height of your fence represents your barrier to intimacy. A lower fence means you don’t delay intimacy with a guy you really like, while a higher fence—especially above four feet—means you consciously postpone intimacy for whatever reason—maybe you’ve been hurt many times.” Intimacy here means sex, but let her think it means whatever she wants it to mean.

The second question represents her sexual appetite or her desire for sexual variety. Each strawberry is a single sex act with a man. If she gives an answer like, “As many as I can eat,” she’s an impulsive girl who has had her share of good times with men. Say, “The number of strawberries you eat represents your sexual appetite. A lower number means you’re generally satisfied with men while a higher number means you’re not currently satisfied and your sex life isn’t what you imagined it to be.” Since a majority of girls give a high number, I like telling her the bad news that she’s not sexually satisfied because she’ll be staring at me—the potential solution!

Tell her that the answer to the third question represents what she says to a man after sex. Most girls say “I’m sorry” or “Thank you, they were delicious.” The answer to this question is fun, but it doesn’t appear to correlate to any real-life behavior.

After the strawberry game, you’re going to be nearing hour three of the date. Stop for a moment to think about where you stand. Is she participating in the conversation by engaging you and asking questions? Is she laughing at your jokes, even the lame ones? Is she not recoiling when you touch her? Is she not increasing the physical space between her body and yours? Is she not making persistent excuses about having to go home? The answer to all of these questions doesn’t have to be yes to proceed and escalate, but take note of the general trend—are things getting better or worse? If things are getting better and she’s warming up to you and appears more relaxed and comfortable, it’s time to go for the kiss while at the second venue, whether you’ve kissed her before or not.

Date Escalation

I can’t stress how important it is to kiss her by the end of the first date. Except for one exception, a virgin, every girl I’ve ever had sex with was kissed by that time. If you’re aiming for sex by date three, a reasonable goal, you need to get the first kiss quickly. Otherwise it will take longer to get there and you’ll enter the dangerous territory of committing to a girl who is probably getting what she wants (attention and validation) at your expense.

Kissing a girl by the end of the first date is such a reliable predictor of upcoming sex that I don’t even bother calling girls who resist it. With so many girls out there who are comfortable with intimacy, it’d be a waste of your time to go down the rabbit hole of a relationship with a girl who is going to blue ball you. You need to know how a girl is in bed before you decide to make a real investment in her, and it would be a waste of your resources to wait until date eight to find out that she’s a dead fish. Don’t buy the juice before you get a squeeze.

After you’ve run your date moves and routines, you’ll be getting hornier and start thinking about banging her. Once all signs point to her enjoying your company and you enjoying hers, it’s time to use the hair stroke move before going in for the kiss. It’s fine if you’ve already done it before. During a silent moment in the conversation (while sitting next to her with one arm behind her and one arm free), maintain eye contact, get a little closer, do the hair stroke move, glance at her lips, and get a little closer until you’re just a few inches from her face. Then go in for the kiss.

If she’s going to resist the kiss, she’ll recoil during the stage where you get closer, which is highly unlikely if your arm is around her. It’s also acceptable to do a couple passes where you move in and pull back once or twice to tease her, as described earlier. This is less necessary on a date than when kissing on the same night you meet because the hours of talking have created sexual tension that needs little amplification.

Don’t overdo the kiss. She may interpret your desire to constantly kiss her as neediness. You always want to leave her wanting more by stopping before you think she’s getting satisfied. If on a first date I kiss a girl for a total of five minutes, I’d rather do it in five one-minute bursts than one five-minute session. After you pull back from the first kiss (it will always be you that pulls back from kisses first), wait ten minutes before you go back in again to show her that kissing is no big deal and then resume conversation as if nothing major happened.

Kiss re-entry is best when another natural silence takes place. Feel free to throw in a couple fake-outs where you get really close, making her think you’re going to kiss her again, but then pulling back to continue talking. Be unpredictable about when you end kisses—sometimes go in for a minute, sometimes two minutes, and sometimes only twenty seconds. Save the extended make-outs for when you get her in a bedroom. You want to tease her—blue-balling yourself in the short term—to turn her on so much that she doesn’t resist when you escalate in the bedroom.

If she’s not ready to be kissed at the second venue, you have two options. The first is to move the date to a third venue. I only recommend this if you think she’s interested but a little conservative or nervous. Otherwise it will be a waste of money. You begin to hit the point of diminishing return when you venue change to a third location, but it can sometimes help break down remaining resistance. Your second option is to end the date and to try to kiss her when you say goodnight. It’s possible that she wants to kiss you but not in public, especially if it’s the first kiss. Get her in your car to drive her home or walk her to wherever her ride is and then try to kiss her after the goodnight hug.

Since it’s not a good idea to bother contacting girls we don’t kiss by the end of the first alcohol date, it will be a do-or-die moment where you must make your best effort to kiss her, even if your intent seems obvious. If you have to keep trying until she’s finally forced to turn her head away, so be it. You’ll walk away from the first date knowing whether she’s open to having sex soon or not.

I wouldn’t stay in the final venue much longer than an hour after you kiss her because there’s a danger you may stall. Alcohol mixed with a first kiss tends to completely kill male conversational ability and you don’t want to ruin the moment with silence or fall into the trap of trying to kiss her too much. Ask if she’s ready to go and then prepare for the next stage of escalation by driving or walking her home. If she drove to meet you, the date ends with you walking her to her car unless you can pull off the “Are you still trying to hang out?” venue change move. Odds are you won’t succeed if she has a regular job and it’s a weekday because she will have to get up early.

Driving back to her place is the best scenario, because you can play it as if you’re just dropping her home when in fact you’re going to try to weasel your way inside once you get there. You may feel sleazy trying to get inside her place on the first date, but you have to do it every time because it shows her your intent is sexual in nature. If she’s not open to having sex, it’s better to find out now. It could be possible that trying to get into her place may cost you a notch with a semi-conservative girl who would put out on date five, but in the long run there’s a net gain in notches because it quickly helps to seal the deal with girls who don’t mind casual sex. You’ll be surprised at how close you can get to sex on a Tuesday night first date after a couple drinks. It pays to be sleazy.

You won’t let her know your intention to enter her place until you’re within sight of her front door. Then you’ll pull out the most low-tech line that will ever come of your mouth: “Can I use your bathroom?” This line is joked about and well-known, but it works extremely well. It works even in instances where the girl doesn’t like you. I know this because there have been cases where I used the bathroom and the girl then literally pushed me out the door. I think the line works because it’s so often mocked that that no girl will believe you’d use it and not actually have to use the bathroom. It’s even versatile enough to use on the same girl a second or third time. I don’t care if you don’t have to use the bathroom or if there are ten gas stations with restrooms right next to her place, but you must use this line.

Regardless if you drop her off by foot or car, you’ll execute the “Can I use your bathroom?” line in a similar manner. After you ask, she’s going to pause before giving you an answer. If her pause is unnaturally long, say, “No, really.” If she doesn’t say something like “sure” she’ll offer an excuse, such as her bathroom is dirty or her gay roommate is a light sleeper.

Then you move on to stage two escalation with, “I have to go really bad. Can you point me to a safe alley nearby then?” Say it with a slightly sarcastic tone. Once you show that you’re serious about urinating and that her doubts are ridiculous, she’ll say yes about 95% of the time. If she still says no and you’re in your car, move on to stage three escalation: “Okay, how about this. If I can’t find a parking spot in sixty seconds, then I’ll just leave, because I really have to go.” Then assume she said yes and start looking for a space unless she gives you a clear no. (She won’t.)

If you’re not in your car, stage three escalation will be asking for specific public locations, such as a dark alley, where you can run to urinate. I’ve never had a girl say no after a stage three escalation, even if the date was mediocre. I repeat, this line has never failed me. If she lets you take her home, she’ll let you inside to empty your bladder. The bathroom weasel technique is like when a movie theater asks if you want to upgrade to a large soda for only thirty cents more. Sure, whatever, might as well.

Getting her back in your place will be harder because you force her to decide before you’re there. You give her too much time to think, so it becomes less of an impulsive decision, though there are a couple indirect techniques you can use to sell your place if that’s where you’d rather end up. The first is when you want to share something with her, like pictures or videos. Examples: “Hey, why don’t we hang out at my place for a bit? I want to show you my pictures from Spain” or “Hey, why don’t we hang out at my place so we can listen to that album I told you about” or “Hey why don’t we hang out at my place so I can show you the videos my friend shot of our last trip.”

The reason should be something cool you want to share that can only be experienced at your house. Don’t oversell. Say it casually, like it’s no big deal. It’s as if you’re asking a buddy to come over and hang out. If she hesitates—which she probably will—add a time constraint: “It won’t take very long. I can’t stay up late anyway because I have to get up a little early.” Say this even if it’s a weekend night. Then assume she said yes and take the next step to get her to your house, whether it means calling the waitress to close your tab or starting to walk in the direction of someone’s car. Unless you get a firm no or a “I really can’t,” assume she’s being wishy-washy so she won’t appear to be a slut. As long as you don’t grab her arm and physically pull her toward where you want to go, assuming a yes is just being a man who knows that girls want to be led.

The second technique, generally used when the two of you have consumed alcohol, is suggesting that she join you for a drink at your place. You’ll use this line when you’re already drinking and having a good time so that continuing the party at your place will seem to be the natural thing to do. If you’re at a bar or club with a girl and you’ve been making out with her, it’s not going to sound natural to ask her to look at photos. Instead, say, “Are you ready to go?” She’ll probably say yes. As you walk out of the venue say, “Let’s get a drink at my place.” Assume the yes and start heading back toward your place. If she objects, hit her with a time constraint. This is my favorite technique for getting one-night stands.

If you’re unable to get her back on the first date, plan date two for a high-energy venue on the weekend, then repeat the attempt. (Call her two or three days after the first date, regardless of the day.) You’ll be out of routines by the second date, so rely on fun conversation threads. Stay relaxed, continue to regulate your make-out sessions to keep the sexual tension high, and flow from The Vibe. Since you haven’t had sex with her yet, refrain from compliments besides a generic “You look nice tonight” and don’t talk about your feelings for her or how she makes you happy. You have to play it cool, light, and fun until you bang her. If she makes a sincere offer to pay, let her.

The purpose of middle game is to get her inside a bedroom while gaming her in a way that lowers her resistance to having sex. Even though middle game is optional, since you can go straight from meet to bedroom on the same night, it’s important for it to be your strength because a large percentage of quality girls aren’t open to one-night stands. Once she’s inside your bedroom, all that’s left is sealing the deal.

4

LATE GAME

If you strip sex down to its physical components, it’s an act during which a man inserts a rod-shaped mass of engorged tissue into a woman’s lubricated cavity, also made of tissue. A man rubs his rod in and out, stimulating pleasure receptors in his brain until it decides to eject a genetic package that’s important in continuing the species. Evolution tells a man’s genes to impregnate as many women as possible, but tells a woman’s genes to be more choosy, since having a child is risky and energy intensive. Women are supposed to have sex only with men who have the resources to raise a child, but thanks to contraception, women now can have sex with men whose children they don’t want to bear. Contraception has tipped millions of years of evolution to the advantage of the man, who can have sex with a large number of women without having to worry about children.

What type of man gets rewarded with the most sex? An alpha male with two important skill sets. The first set makes women desire him through the use of game, in the form of personality, routines, and moves. This creates attraction, trust, comfort, and rapport. While the strawberry game, for example, won’t do much on its own, it’s powerful in creating sexual interest when used with other game components. The second skill set is persistence, which capitalizes on a woman’s impulsive nature. Your persistence is firm but not desperate, and you understand that women need more encouragement than men when it comes to sex. If you only possess the first skill set, you’ll have a type of “showboat” game where you can get numbers and make-outs with ease but you’ll only get laid when the girl is very horny and motivated. The force of your personality alone won’t be able to get her into bed—only the addition of a persistent mindset can you push all the way to the end.

A girl’s job is to resist penetration, even with the worthiest of men, and continue resisting as long as possible to preserve her value. She’s afraid that by having sex with you too early, you’ll think she’s an easy slut, not worthy of another call. Her resistance is based more on logic than emotion, since she’s going against what she desires. You need to break down her resistance using subtle persuasion and mind tactics that move the decision to have sex back into the emotional realm, where she can’t help but succumb to her desire. You provide an environment where she gets “caught in the moment” and things “just happen” and “feel natural.” Another way to break down resistance is to pound away like a jackhammer until she just gets tired and gives in. This isn’t an elegant approach, but it works because any type of human resistance can be broken down with enough pressure. We’re going to use a combination of both approaches.

Once Inside

We left off with you at her place, asking to use the bathroom—or she’s at your place, wanting to see travel pictures or to have a drink. Or maybe it’s the same night you met and you venue changed her and a friend to a tiny apartment. The kiss has probably happened by now, but if not, you can knock it out once inside, using the techniques already described.

Play it cool by not immediately touching or kissing her. After you use the bathroom, explore her living space, making comments and asking questions about books or pictures. Spend at least five minutes letting her get comfortable with you being in her place by not getting physically close. If during those five minutes she reminds you that she needs to get up early and you should get going, that means you’re not getting laid. You’ll also know she doesn’t want you to stay when she leaves her shoes on and stands by the door. Simply give her a goodbye hug and make out with her a little bit, adding a little ass grab if you haven’t already.

If she doesn’t try to kick you out in those first five minutes, she’s giving you a green light to escalate, which means sex is a real possibility. If she’s showing you around, get behind her and place your hands on her hips as you move closer to resume touching and kissing. You could get things going in the living room and move later, but it’s in your best interest to get hot and heavy in the final destination (her bedroom) so your game won’t be interrupted with having to relocate.

Getting into her bedroom can be just as difficult as getting into her place. Some girls think that if they let you into her bedroom, sex will be inevitable, so they may resist when you ask for a “tour.” If she does resist say, “Well, to me it’s important because you can tell a lot about a girl by how her bedroom looks. For instance, the number of pillows is huge in knowing what kind of girl I’m dealing with.” In a half-sarcastic tone you’re making it seem as if you need to see her bedroom to really know her. You know it’s blatant bullshit and she knows it’s bullshit, but it works because you’re giving her a reason to let you enter her bedroom without making it obvious that sex will happen. If she still resists, continue in the living room. If you’re in your house, getting her into the bedroom will be easy, since it will be a part of the tour and it will have something you just have to show her, like the SpongeBob SquarePants pillow on your bed.

In theory, you shouldn’t have to work hard to get a girl horny because she should be the one to get you horny. You should just have to lay back, allow her to take off your clothes, and let her please you with deep throat blowjobs. While you will eventually sleep with many girls who like to attack you in the bedroom, it will be rare for this to happen the first time you have sex. This is why you need to initiate the important moves of clothing removal and genital touching. She won’t do it for you!

We’re getting to the part of the game that’s like those novels with multiple endings. There are a lot of ways to get to sex once you have her in a bedroom, but it’s going to be rare for you do it the same way twice. What I’m going to describe is a way that’s natural and reliable. It includes key moves and lines that blow through resistance, but it’s still going to be up to you to customize your moves to account for what’s going on, along with her own unique likes and dislikes. If she’s going crazy with pleasure over something I only mention in passing, you may want to give that some extra attention.

Once you have a girl alone and it’s clear she doesn’t mind you staying, kiss and explore her body with your hands. The ass is fair game, but don’t touch her breasts or vagina yet. Massage and squeeze her inner thigh near her vagina as you make out with her. Once you get within a couple inches of her vagina, she’ll probably squeeze her legs together, which is normal and not something you should be concerned about. Send your mouth off to areas other than her lips, such as her neck and ears. Put more passion and intensity into your kisses by adding more tongue, teeth, squeezes, and heavy breathing.

You should be able to feel her enjoying the intimacy and getting more comfortable with you and not resisting by grabbing your hands and moving them off her body. Are her eyes closed, indicating she’s losing herself in the moment? Is she telling you how much she likes what you’re doing? Is she starting to get aggressive by nibbling on your ear or sucking on your neck? If heavy petting started in the living room, say, “I think we should go to your bedroom where it’s more comfortable.”

Focus next on her breasts. While your hand is exploring her torso, do a breast drive-by, simply rubbing over one of her breasts as if it’s any other part of her body. You’ll find that most girls don’t resist breast touching because it’s similar to an ass squeeze, something you’ve already done. A couple minutes after the breast drive-by, park your hand on a breast for a few seconds and give it a slight squeeze. If she doesn’t slap your hand off, let your hands go on an a random loop of touching and rubbing, including her face, hair, breasts, torso, ass, hands, and legs. Have fun turning her on, and yourself.

Next comes her vagina. Just as with the breast, do a drive-by vagina rub with your hand over her clothes and then gauge her reaction. If she doesn’t recoil, return again soon, pausing over the vagina and giving it more pressure. Your initial goal with vagina rubs is to help with escalation rather than giving pleasure. It’s at this stage when most guys get their first dose of resistance, but you need her to accept this move to proceed.

When it comes to resistance, there are two types of no. The first is “No, I wouldn’t have sex with you, even if the continuation of the human species depended on it,” and the second is “No, I don’t want to have sex you yet.” The former can never be overcome, but the latter can. If at any point she resists you—and it will be obvious when she does—take a step back. Give her a little smile and stop doing whatever you were doing to place a little distance between you and her. Appear fine with her telling you to slow down, and then say, “I want you to be completely comfortable, so I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.” The purpose of saying this is to let her know you’re a safe guy, that you have the control to stop at any time to respect her limits, and that she should give serious thought to letting herself go, since you’re obviously the man.

When you pull back in the bedroom, you create an uncomfortable vacuum that begs to be filled. You cause the girl to experience a temporary feeling of insecurity that can only be relieved when she comes closer to you in the form of touching or kissing. If she doesn’t come back after you pull away, it’s usually a sign that things probably won’t go much farther on this night. Either way, after you encounter resistance, you want to restart, just as you would in a video game when your character dies. Go back to the beginning by focusing on simple kissing and touching, then redoing the moves you made before. When you eventually return to the same move that she resisted 10–15 minutes earlier, your odds of passing that stage will be higher. If she resists the same move a second time, your character has died again and you’ll have to start all over. If she resists the same move a third time, start over again. Keep going until you feel a weird vibe that makes it seem as if you’re going backward instead of forward.

In many cases, you’ll get past resistance on the second or third attempt, only to be stymied at the next step. Even though resistance isn’t fun, push just a bit more than you feel comfortable with so things will be easier on the next date. If you have her almost naked and she’s resisting, simply lay next to her, relax for a few minutes, then restart with touching and kissing until she gets hot again. The teasing you’ve been doing prior to this moment, such as brushing against her lips and pulling back, should have lessened the resistance you would have received otherwise—and sometimes it evaporates altogether.

Resistance is a normal part of the game, so don’t let it discourage you. One of my first bedroom beliefs was that I needed to avoid resistance. I thought a girl would like me less if she had to resist, but this isn’t the case. For example, there was a girl who resisted me seven times on our first date when I tried to take her panties off until I finally gave up. She was like a no broken record that night, but I easily had sex with her the next time we got together. Remember: girls reward aggressive guys who want to have sex with them, not timid guys who wait for pussy to fall from the sky. The restart technique can be performed indefinitely until she gives sincere complaints about your persistence that clearly show she’s uncomfortable. You’ll know because she’ll stop kissing and engaging you. But if she jokes around with something like “You’re an aggressive one, aren’t you?” keep going.

After you get past the vagina rub without resistance, make the hand-on-crotch move, the most important bedroom move you can execute. It’s bold, but very effective. Up to this point you’ve been doing most of the touching, but now you want to open the floodgates and give her permission to be the sexual being she really is. When one of her hands is near your waist, gently grab it and place it right on your cock, over your clothes. The length of time she spends on your cock indicates what your immediate chance of banging is. If she goes at it and tries to give you a hand job through your clothes, there’s a good chance you’re going to get laid, but if she acts as if your cock is a fiery piece of lava, you can mentally prepare for which porno clip you’ll be masturbating to once you get back home. The goal is for her to spend at least ten voluntary seconds giving your cock some attention. While ten seconds doesn’t sound like a long time, it’s enough to proceed without worry. If she doesn’t give your cock any attention, consider that resistance and restart from the top until you can repeat the move once more.

Taking Off Her Clothes

After the hand-on-crotch move, prepare for clothing removal. There’s no clear time guideline for how long it takes to get to this point, because it depends on the girl and how much resistance you’ve been getting. On average it takes me 15–45 minutes in the bedroom before I start thinking about taking off her clothes, but with heavy resistance it may take up to two hours. Let at least a couple minutes go by between the removal of each article of clothing.

The shoes come off first. All you have to say is, “Why don’t you take off your shoes?” If she asks why, give her a look as if she’s asked a weird question and say, “To be more comfortable, of course.” If she’s on your bed, you can say that you don’t want her to get it dirty. If she refuses to take off her shoes, she isn’t planning to stay long.

Next is her shirt, an important step that’s a frequent source of resistance. There are two ways of taking off her shirt: telling her to do it or doing it yourself. If you tell a girl to take off her shirt, you’d better be a confident motherfucker because she’ll be able to tell if you’re a posing beta. Say, “Take off your shirt” in a matter-of-fact tone that isn’t a demand or a question. Say it as if you’d say, “The sun is bright today.” I usually say this when she’s on top and straddling me. Some girls will take it off immediately, but others play a little game, saying something like, “You want me to take off my shirt? Say please.” Since all you have to do to get that shirt off is say please, go ahead and say it because it’s okay to let her feel as if she has some control over what’s going on. If she hesitates, say, “I’ll do it then” and start taking off her shirt. You can also take off her shirt without saying anything by gradually moving it up as you touch and rub her torso. Inch up the shirt over the course of a minute, taking note if she tries to pull it back down, and then go for it by lifting it off. In most cases she’ll assist you and take the shirt off herself. If she resists, start over.

Her shirt must come off before yours. Otherwise you’ll feel like an idiot if you’re half-naked and she has refused to take anything off. Once you get her shirt off, let a minute or two go by, then take off yours. You can say, “I’m going to take off mine, too, so you don’t feel left out.”

Next comes the socks. Take hers off, followed by yours. It’s very rare for a girl to resist sock removal, but if she does, skip this step and move on to the next one. Unlike the previous steps, taking off her socks isn’t necessary to continue. Plus you can always try again when more clothing is gone. (I’ve had sex with girls who kept their socks on, and it’s actually a little kinky.)

Next come the pants. If you get her pants off, there’s a 75% chance you’ll be having sex within moments, but before you try, unbuckle your belt first. This tells her where things are going and gives you an idea of how she’ll react. It’s a bad sign if she asks you why you’re unbuckling your belt—but it’s a good one if she says nothing. Take off her pants in stages, with a one minute rest in between each stage. First unbuckle her belt, then undo the top button, then unzip the zipper, and finally wiggle her pants down. If she doesn’t lift up her waist and the pants are difficult to remove from your wiggling, say, “I need a little bit of help.” She may help by lifting her waist or even taking off her pants herself. If she resists, say, “I just wanted to make things a little more comfortable” and start over again.

Take off your pants soon after you take off hers, so that after this stage you have on underwear and she has on her bra and panties. Now it’s time to do a direct contact vagina rub. Many guys try to make girls climax with their hand before sex, but this isn’t necessary. You just want to penetrate her vagina with your finger for a short while to enjoy the wetness and to get ready for the next stage. Gently rub her vagina over her panties before you put your hand inside them. Then gradually creep down with a finger or two and rub the area until you end up finger banging her at a slow-to-medium pace. If she stops you, take it as resistance and start over. It’s a positive sign if she grabs your hand to guide the vagina rubbing action.

She may say some weird things as you progress toward the later stages. Most common are “I don’t usually do this” or “We’re moving too fast.” To make sure you don’t trigger her logical brain, simply agree with whatever she says so she doesn’t have to think of a rebuttal. Suitable answers are “I don’t usually do this either” and “You’re right, we are moving too fast.” But after agreeing with her, continue doing what you were doing.

If you’re encountering too much resistance, feel like you’re doing all the work, or she says something like “We are definitely not having sex tonight,” gradually ramp down the intimacy and make an excuse about having to get up early. (The exception is if a sleepover is assumed, in which case you can try again later or in the morning.) If you have to make an exit, leave on good terms by not showing annoyance or anger. You’re a man who wants sex, so you tried to get it, and she’s a woman who resists sex. It’s no big deal. When you part, make sure to give her a nice goodbye hug. Tell her that you had a good time (if you want to see her again) and that you’ll talk to her soon.

If all systems are go, the next thing you want to take off is her bra. Taking off a bra will be difficult unless you know how the strapping mechanism works. A bra usually has two or three hooks that wrap around loops. You unhook the contraption by tightening the bra a little so you can pull the hooks out. The easiest way to do it is when she’s on top of you. Just like with buttons on a shirt, the hooks are always going to be on the same side (your left). If you’re trying to remove a bra but can’t, simply say, “I need a little help.” The girl will laugh at you, but she’ll take off her bra. It happened to me many times in my early days, so it’s not a big deal, but it’s in your best interests to be able to do it on your own (unstrapping a bra with one hand or foot at lightning speed is a move girls appreciate).

Once the straps come undone, let the bra hang there for a minute until one of you ends up taking it off completely. After taking off her pants, you won’t get resistance with the bra, unless she’s insecure about her breasts. You can now introduce mouth-to-breast contact into the bedroom program. If she doesn’t let you take off her bra but you have a strong feeling that she wants to have sex, simply skip this step.

Next comes her panties. It’s rare that I take off a girl’s panties and then don’t have sex with her. Panties are sex. It’s for this reason that you may get firm resistance at this point, even if she didn’t resist prior steps. Just treat it like any other form of resistance and start over if she stops you, making a panty removal attempt every 10–15 minutes.

At this stage you can use raw persistence to break down any remaining resistance. To take off her panties, put your hands on the sides and wiggle them down a couple inches to gauge her reaction. After another minute, try to pull them off if she hasn’t already done it for you. You’re almost there.

Sealing The Deal

Even though I know sex is going to happen after I take off her panties, I don’t rush it, because I want to amplify the pleasure we’re both experiencing. Tease her to the maximum so the sex will be better and more memorable. Don’t give it to her when she wants it—give it to her when she can’t wait anymore. Continue to rub, kiss, and bite. It’s extremely satisfying when a girl begs for your cock, a goal you want to visualize, even though it doesn’t commonly occur during first-time sex.

Now she’ll be reaching for your cock and stroking it, maybe pulling it through your boxers’ pee hole. Let her stroke it as you finger her to spread the juice to the outside of her vagina in order to facilitate penetration. Then slowly take your boxers off, wiggling them down a couple inches a minute until you take them off completely when they’re halfway down your ass. Now you’ll both be naked and your genitals will be close to coming into contact with each other.

This is a good time to talk about sexually transmitted diseases. There’s a joke in my circle that goes something like this: “If you’ve never had an STD, you’re not a real player.” I would be more than happy to bet that you’ll get an STD in the course of your lifetime, even if it’s something small, such as a fungal rash, crabs, or molluscum.

Sex is like riding a motorcycle—a fun but dangerous activity where risk can only be minimized, not eliminated. You can use a condom 100% of the time and still get warts around your crotch. Here’s my recommendation: minimize risk to the best of your ability and continue living the lifestyle you want. Wear condoms regularly and consistently, but don’t freak out and question your existence if you contract something. Treat it and then deal with it like a man. If you can’t handle the possibility of getting a minor skin disease, this game is not for you.

As for HIV, it’s not something you should worry about unless you’re gay or an IV drug user. Getting HIV is the culmination of a pattern of risky behavior, not a one-shot deal that strikes virgins whose condom break the first time they have sex. It’s rare that you’ll get the worst STD in the world without getting the other ones first, but don’t take my word for it: do your own research.

Personally, I wouldn’t have sex with a girl who did IV drugs or got banged in the butt by bisexual men. I advise against going raw dog unless you’re in a committed relationship and certain she isn’t screwing other guys, but if you do it raw, make sure you never ejaculate inside her, even if she’s on the pill. Not only is the pill not 100% effective, no girl is perfect about taking it every day. Because you don’t want your career as a player to end prematurely with a crying newborn, don’t ejaculate inside a girl unless you accept the chance of her getting pregnant.

Now back to sex. Once you’re both naked, be careful about rubbing your cock against the outside of her vagina. It’s dangerous because you may get so turned on that you keep going and don’t bother with protection. If she grabs your cock and tries to put it in raw, you definitely want to use a condom because this is a behavior she’s engaged in before. It should be music to your ears if she says something like, “Do you have a condom?” Unfortunately most girls won’t say that, so you’ll need a smooth way to get one out without reminding her that sex is about to happen.

Memorize these seven words: “Let me get something, just in case.” Girls rarely resist this, because it doesn’t automatically imply that sex is going to happen. More importantly, it lets you get a condom without making her think about it. Grab a condom and put it on while kissing her to distract her from thinking about what’s about to happen. Remember, you never want her logical brain to do any thinking or she’ll come up with reasons not to have sex. Practice putting on condoms if you’re inexperienced so you won’t choke during this important step.

There’s a slight chance she’ll resist the “just in case” line, so you’ll need a good response, since you’ve come too far to turn back and count on there being a next time. If she says anything, it probably will be “Why?” or “I don’t know.” Your answer: “For rubbing, so we’re completely safe. I’m just going to leave it on.” Then get the condom without waiting for an answer and put it on yourself. Be hesitant to give up at this point, but don’t use physical force and don’t keep going if she says stop. All these moves are meant to barrel through the resistance of a girl who wants to have sex with you but is worried about looking like a slut. Having sex with a girl who doesn’t want to have sex with you is rape, a serious crime in most countries.

Once the condom is on, don’t wait for more than thirty seconds before you start making genital-to-genital contact. If she’s not wet on the outside, finger her to spread her juices around or discreetly spit on your hand to lubricate your cock. Rub the outside of her vagina with your cock until the tip falls into place—and then push in to initiate the first penetration. Pump slowly, getting slightly farther in with each pump, until your cock is wet and goes in and out with ease. Congratulate yourself on the notch, stud.

In bed, I like to start off on top until I get tired. Then I have her get on top to regain my energy before I flip her around and bang her doggy style to finish off. Don’t ask permission to change positions—just do it. If a girl is whining about wanting to get banged more, do her a second or third time when you’re going to last longer, but if you typically last less than five minutes, try numbing condoms. The first time is for you and the second time can be for her, after you’ve had your main orgasm.

Don’t be too concerned about your sexual technique. Porn is my teacher, and all I do is pump away while changing the speed, depth, and force. Every few minutes I move her into a position I like. I relax, stay focused, and bang the hell out of her because that’s what I want to do. If you like it slow, bang her slow. If you like it rough, bang her rough. Keep doing what you want to do until she complains, which will be unlikely. I’m always surprised how rough and dirty women can be.

I don’t go down on women before having sex because it’s not necessary and doesn’t guarantee that sex will occur. If it’s something you like doing, by all means go for it, but don’t do it because you think it will lessen resistance. You’ll be disappointed if you go down on a girl with the intention of having sex and get nothing in return.

Since sex is supposed to be fun, don’t take it too seriously by wondering if you’re doing it right. Other than some dirty talk like “You like that, don’t you?” don’t ask if you’re pleasing her. After sex, don’t ask if she came. If she cares enough about her own pleasure, she’ll bring it up by telling you the things she wants you to do. It’s best to do what you enjoy because if you’re enjoying it, the chances will be that she’s enjoying it, too. Worrying about her pleasure sacrifices your own and doesn’t guarantee that she’ll be pleased in the end.

Once sex ends, you’ll feel the urge to fill the silence with talk, but resist it and stay cool. The less you say, the better, because she’ll wonder what you’re thinking and feel a little insecure and vulnerable. Also, most of the stupidest things I’ve ever said to girls have happened right after sex. Instead of talking, touch her, stroke her hair, cuddle, or go to sleep. Remember: sex isn’t a big deal—it’s a natural act between two people who like each other. How you treat her after sex should be the same as how you treated her before. The last thing you want is to appear needy and act as if you’re falling for her.

So that’s how you bang a girl. The toughest part of late game is getting to the point where you can get her into a bedroom, but with the methods described, that’s only a modest challenge. The real challenge is getting a girl interested enough to make late game possible, and that stems from the approach and your first thirty minutes with her. When it comes to getting laid, it’s your early game that’s going to determine the quality and quantity of the girls you bang.

Future Dates

To keep it easy on myself, I have the first three dates preset, regardless of what kind of girl I’m dealing with or if sex occurs. The first date is the café-then-bar on a weekday night. The second date is a club on a weekend night, and the third date is sushi with sake on a weekday night.

If the first date didn’t result in sex and you expect a second date to occur, tell her at the end of the date that you want to take her out to somewhere cool on the weekend. Joke that you think both of you are ready for a date on a “primetime” night. Don’t appear needy by trying to make specific plans, but tell her to keep one weekend night free, adding that you’ll contact her soon. If she is not free the upcoming weekend, stay in touch until the weekend after that. Doing back-to-back dates on weekdays isn’t optimal if she has to get up early because you’re not taking advantage of a possible sleepover, which would make sex more likely to occur. Always leave a message if you’re calling her, and don’t drag phone conversations out too long. You should still be the one to end the conversation first by making an excuse about how you have to go do something, such as laundry.

Date two should be something fun and loud. I take my dates to house clubs. If there is no real connection between me and my date, I take her to the loudest place possible to avoid having to talk to her and reveal our incompatibility. Don’t worry about having to dance too much. Lean against a bar or column and let her dance in front of you. I take her to a place I like so that no matter what mood she shows up in, I’m going to have a good time and run into other people I know.

On date three, if I’m concerned that sex may not happen soon, I hit her with the passion routine when the topic of sex or dating comes up. Sometimes I do it on the phone before date three. This routine is tricky to fit into conversation, but it’s an important way to let her know what you expect. Say:

“I’ve noticed that with girls I get into a relationship with, intimacy happens pretty fast. If two people really like each other and are comfortable with spending time together, they’ll find it impossible to keep their hands off each other. It’s important to be physically compatible, don’t you think?”

This routine is a somewhat subtle way to let her know the clock is ticking. Never directly ask or cajole her into having sex, because that would sound like whining, which is a turn-off.

On each subsequent date, you should get closer to sex than the previous one. Simply start from the top and work to the end. If you don’t have sex by date three, as long as it’s not because you didn’t push hard enough, don’t over-analyze why you couldn’t break down her resistance. Just as you don’t analyze your game if a single approach goes wrong, don’t sweat it if one girl won’t open her legs. If you got pretty close by date three (fingering and oral sex, for instance), that probably means you’ll bang on date four or five. While it is okay to go past date three to get sex, be reluctant to do so. We’re living in a day and age when three dates is more than enough time for a girl to prove she’s worthy. If she’s not giving you sex, she either needs to put in more effort by offering to take you out or doing a bang-up job pleasing you orally.

Don’t get caught in the trap of continuing to date a girl just because you’ve invested money and time into her. If she doesn’t play by your rules and give you what you want, drop her. No matter how far down the wrong road you go, turn back—there are other quality girls who will bang you without giving you a hard time. Whenever I’ve broken my rule and gone past date three while still not getting sex, I’ve always been disappointed. Make a rule and stick with it. Three dates is ample time for a modern woman to be comfortable having sex with an high-value male.

After Sex

If she still likes you after sex, she’ll play fewer games and give you more attention. The pendulum will swing to the point where she’s putting in as much effort as you. Always be conscious of whether she’s reciprocating or not. Is she still offering to pay? Is she initiating conversation and intimacy? Is she doing things to make you comfortable and happy? The chances of a relationship continuing after sex will depend upon interest level and effort. If you like the girl, put in the same amount of effort you did before sex until hers matches yours. Then gradually start to increase that amount of effort and let her catch up, repeating this until you’ve taken the relationship to the next level. It’s okay to put in just a little bit more effort than the girl, but it should never appear that you’re doing significantly more.

A common way guys blow it after sex is by abandoning their phone game. They think they can call or text whenever they want, have long, boring conversations, and always pick up the phone on the first ring when she calls. Remember your aim is to keep her in a state of doubt, wondering “Does he really like me?” If she takes two hours to respond, you take two hours. If she picks up the phone half the time, so do you. If she doesn’t leave messages, you don’t, either. Once she picks up the pattern that you’re simply mirroring her disrespect, she’ll start acting better if she likes you. If after sex you send a mushy text message or call immediately, she may peg you as needy and go cold. After sex I like to text a girl on the second day, long enough to instill just a bit of doubt, but not so much that she’s freaked out. For example, if I have sex with her on Friday night but sleep over and leave Saturday morning, I’ll contact her on Monday night.

Stay clear of drunk dialing or texting girls. It’s hard to keep your game tight if you contact a girl while drunk and say stupid things that negate all the good work you put in. Drunk dialing is a behavior of a desperate man who can’t plan a few hours in advance. If I was a girl, I wouldn’t respect a man calling me at late hours and talking horny nonsense. If you’re prone to drunk dialing leave your phone in the car.

You can mold a girl by criticizing negative behavior. If you criticize too early, though, she may write you off as bossy and demanding, but after sex she can’t be quick to do that because, after all, she did have sex with you. After sex, she’s more likely to take your criticism to heart. This can sometimes result in your first real argument—which can actually help because it engages her emotions. Your enemy is boredom, not conflict.

I have a problem with girls not putting in enough effort, so that’s what I criticize most often. I calmly tell a girl that I think I’m putting in more effort than her and that I can’t make it work on my own. She then details me instances when I didn’t put in enough effort and we end up having an intense discussion. Through that she’ll likely realize I expect to be treated in a certain way and won’t accept mistreatment.

You can also criticize girls for not being adventurous enough in bed or for being flakey. Bring it up in a casual way, but stay firm and let her know your concerns. Instead of delivering ultimatums, let her know what’s on your mind. If she doesn’t change her ways, don’t be afraid to hint that just being friends may be best.

There are some general guidelines to follow for dates four and beyond. The most important is to be unpredictable. Always keep her guessing by randomizing your behavior, such as when you contact her and when and where you take her out. Don’t have a standing date where you go to the same club every Saturday. Don’t see her more than twice a week. Don’t talk on the phone every day. Don’t let conversations fall into a “So what did you do today?” pattern where you talk like old school chums instead of lovers. Choose silence instead of banal conversation.

Sometimes surprise her with a call where you ask, “What are you doing right now?” Take creative risks and research interesting date ideas. The reason slot machines are so addicting is because the payouts are unpredictable. Be the slot machine.

If she pulls back from you at any time, pull back from her even more. This is true regardless of how long you’ve been dating. If she’s giving you a hard time, give her a harder time. If she’s acting cold in the bedroom, act even colder. If she’s giving you the silent treatment, give her an even more silent treatment! Human instinct is to neutralize tension by apologizing or making nice, but you’ll do the opposite. Fill the situation with even more tension to show that you’re immune to her games. She’ll then feel a strong urge to come into you and make nice.

Relationships

Delay commitment as long as possible, because it only makes it more difficult to bang other girls. I wouldn’t be too concerned about your girl sleeping with other men because girls naturally move toward monogamy and won’t be interested in other partners if she has a real interest in you. Of course, she’ll insinuate that other men are interested in her so you will commit.

If you’ve been dating the same girl for several months and she’s about to leave if you don’t commit, you have to decide if she’s worth it or not. If she’s pleasant to be around and easy on the eyes, consider a commitment, but be open-minded about creeping around with other girls if you’re not planning to get married soon. Cheat if you want, but the odds are that you’ll eventually get caught. Remember: a woman exists to find a man and to make him commit. Commitment is for her benefit, not yours. Think long and hard before you sign away your freedom to one girl. And when it comes to marriage, unless you want to have a child in the next year or two, don’t do it. Almost any positive thing you can get from a woman, whether it be physical or emotional, can be obtained without getting married.

The great thing about being a man is that we can be relationship-worthy at any age. In fact, you’ll be valued more by women at an age that’s well past the physical peak of your early twenties. While many say this is because of your increasing wage-earning potential, I think it’s because of your experience. With time, study, and constant practice, you’ll get very good at meeting, attracting, arousing, and handling women. Long-term relationships are dangerous when you’re developing your game because you’ll miss out on that important practice. While you should definitely hold on to a quality girl, it’s best to stay clear of relationships until you play and learn enough to know what quality is. The girls I had crushes on when I was younger are girls I wouldn’t even give a second look today. By not meeting a large number of girls, you’ll sell yourself short in trying to discover what type of woman will bring you the most happiness.

Once you’re in a relationship, chances are relatively good that you’ll eventually want to get out of it. If you think a relationship is stalling, it’s better to dump the girl before she dumps you, because it gives you the upper hand to return for casual sex. Don’t let a girl dump you. Girls are predictable, so you should know if she’s planning to do it.

The first method of breaking up is the cold cut-off. You simply never contact her again and don’t pick up the phone when she calls. I usually use this method if we didn’t make it past the second or third date, since it’s early enough that she doesn’t expect me to call her anyway, but I also know guys who use it on girls they’ve gone out with for months.

The second method is the fake fight. You get overly sensitive about something she did and show extreme displeasure. For example, if she criticizes you about anything, tell her that you don’t know if you can handle a constant complainer. If she takes an extra day to call back, tell her that you want someone who is willing to put in more work than she does. Once you end the awkward conversation after the fake fight, simply never call again. She’ll attribute it to the argument, even though it wasn’t the real reason you broke up. I’m a fan of this technique if we haven’t passed date three, because it’s easy to do and takes little time to execute.

The third method is the return of the ex-girlfriend. This one takes a bit of planning and time, but it does a good job of leaving the door open to have sex with the girl again. Casually mention that your ex-girlfriend is back in town and that you’re conflicted because she wants to see you. Keep it vague and tell the girl that you’re over your ex and don’t plan to see her. Let a week pass, and then tell her that you did indeed see your ex and now you don’t know what’s going on, but you feel “weird.” This seed sets up week number three, when you tell her that you and your ex-girlfriend are going to give it another try. Tell her you really like her, but the history with your ex is too strong to let go. This is a painless breakup because she’ll understand your difficult “predicament.”

The final method is it’s not you, it’s me. You can knock this one out over the phone in less than thirty minutes. It’s also the closest you can get to honesty without hurting the girl’s feelings—and it’s often the real reason I break up with a girl. Start by telling her that it felt “weird” the last time you hung out and that the sex was mostly physical for you. Tell her the problem isn’t with her, because it’s always physical for you and that you have trouble connecting to girls on an emotional level. You can bring up a relevant story from your childhood that contributed to making it hard for you to connect with girls like other guys do. Then tell her you want to take a step back and just be friends. Add: “I don’t expect you to wait until I figure things out, but I do think a break is best for now.” It’s not her, it’s you—and your issues. The advantage of using this method is that it will be easy to return for sex later. After a couple weeks, you can tell her you miss hanging out with her, go to her place for a movie, and then bang. This method can be slightly uncomfortable to execute, but it leaves the door open while ending a relationship of any length.

5

END GAME

After you achieve moderate skill at the game, you’ll hit a barrier that will send you into the opposite direction. You were achieving success but now you’re having difficulty.

This happened to me several years after I got into the game—when I started bombing on the phone. I had turned the phone into a strength, but girls suddenly started to flake before the first date. After it became a pattern, I thought about the problem and figured out what I was doing wrong: I had moved date one material into the first phone conversation and was focusing too much on humor, which plays better face-to-face than on the phone. After I realized what I was doing, I put a strict time limit on my phone conversations and went back to focusing on getting girls out on dates instead of entertaining them on the phone. Within a short time I was back to my previous phone conversion rates.

Down periods are normal, for two reasons. The first is statistical probability. Just like the stock market, your game will have cyclical ups and down. Success comes in spurts, followed by cold streaks. During the cold streaks, it’s stress that forces you to innovate and to try new material. Push on through the valleys until you hit the next peak. The second reason for down periods is the accidental use of new material that hurts your game, like what I was doing on the phone. This usually happens due to overconfidence, causing you to introduce routines or body language that simply doesn’t work. If a sudden downturn coincides with a recent change in your game, revert back to what you were doing before.

When it comes to making changes, being a player is similar to being a bread maker. If you want to be a world-class bread maker, the first thing you’ll do is find a proven recipe before you make your first loaf. Once you’ve successfully baked it, you can then start to experiment to see what affects the bread by changing only one factor at a time so you can feel confident about what a different result is based on. If you change the amount of salt and yeast at the same time, you won’t know if it was the salt or the yeast (or a combination of the two) that made the bread better or worse.

Real life is a lot more complex. It’s impossible to control all the variables as things are constantly changing, but you’ll still need a way to measure whether a change was effective or not. The best way to do this is to experiment with one new line, routine, or move at a time. For instance, if I’m concerned about my body language and I want to improve it, I might focus on leaning back more. For one night, the only new thing I’d try would be leaning back. I’d lean back with at least five approaches and measure the results. Did leaning back cause girls to respond more positively than normal, helping me toward my overall sex goal? If you feel confident a change helped, make a note to continue doing it. You just made a difference that improved your game. Do this with dozens of other lines, routines, and moves, and in time you’ll have the sort of refined game that serves you best, based on solid experience.

Experience is the key to improvement. Just like electricity humming invisibly in the background, your experience is always there with you, working to guide you toward your goal. On your 100th approach, you’ll have the experience of 99 previous approaches behind you, helping you succeed. It’s always better to be the man who tries and fails than the man who never tries at all, because each failure will bring you closer to what you want. You owe it to yourself to get rejected, not only to learn the limits of your game but to find out firsthand what works and what doesn’t.

Find A Niche

Let’s say that you become an average player, meaning you’re competent in each stage of the game and have a firm understanding of the principles discussed in this book. An average night out will net you at least one phone number, every now and then you’ll get a make-out, and once in a blue moon you’ll score a one-night stand. Assuming you’re a post-college male with disposable income who goes out on Fridays and Saturdays, on average you’ll get around 4–8 phone numbers a month if you approach regularly. Out of those numbers, maybe two will lead to dates. Out of those two first dates, one may eventually lead to sex, which means you’ll get 3–8 notches in a year. Assuming you spend $25 on each night out and $35 on each date, that’s at least $300 a month.

Do you like those numbers? If not, you need to work on finding your niche: a look, a locale, or a best-fit game that yields better-than-average returns. There’s nothing wrong with being average and you’ll still get laid, but after a year or two, these results will seem, well, average. Finding your niche will allow you to put in less while getting back more.

Every girl gravitates toward a man who is great at something. Whether it’s painting, photography, music, an interesting career, or something nerdy like chess, girls will notice and come to you when they sense you’re successful at something you’re passionate about. I found this out firsthand with my writing, which has sent me more women than anything else I’ve done. Even if you’re a club rat who knows all the promoters and builds status by being the go-to party guy, many girls will be attracted to that.

While you don’t need a niche to get laid, it makes things a lot easier. Getting laid is fun, but imagine getting laid while doing what you like to do. It’s like making money doing your hobby instead of spending eight hours every day in a cubicle. Choose something you want to be great at (other than picking up women and video games) and kick ass at it Let it give you the interesting conversation and experience to make picking up women easier—and cheaper.

Fin

The reason you got into the game won’t be the reason you stay in the game. I got into the game to have more sex, but I’ve stayed in it because it gives me the power to get what I want. I can improve my lot by using persistence, confidence, and conversational ability instead of luck and chance. My success depends entirely on me and what I make of my environment, not on god, cockblockers, society, or culture. While you can’t control the events that happen around you, you can control how you respond. You can hone your game in a way that makes success much more likely. Approach it like water flowing in a river, with ease and calm, by adapting to your surroundings and using the strengths given to you. Do your best and push yourself to the limit, knowing that good things will come with hard work, no matter how tough your present situation may be.

Eventually you’ll enter the final stage of game: end game. This is when you don’t have to be mindful of your moves or routines. You don’t care why a girl isn’t calling you, if she’s playing hard to get, or if she likes you or not. You have options and remain unfazed when you encounter ambiguous or absurd female behavior. If you’re putting out the right vibe with rich experiences from an interesting lifestyle, and build yourself up to the best man your genetics allow, you may not even have to approach girls or worry about breaking down resistance. You’ll simply live the life you want and watch girls come to you, gaming you and tempting you to bang them. It may take years, but I believe if you put in the effort, you’ll be paid back in full. When you reach that point, all you’ll have to do is wake up, all you have to do is exist.

APPENDIX

This appendix will discuss situations not included in the main text because of their specific nature. They’ll serve more to round off the rough edges of your game than to help with the main foundation.

Approaching From A Car

This technique may seem strange, especially if you’re hanging out the passenger side window of a friend’s car, but it’s the only way that’s ever worked for me. If the girl is on foot, open by asking for directions. Engage in a basic conversation so she won’t think you’re a kidnapper. Then ask her opinion on somewhere to go, whether it be for food or drink. Follow that with a strong opinion about a particular place in the area (“Last week I went to Club Gay and it was a total sausage fest. I didn’t like it at all. I’m looking for something different tonight.”) Next, shift the conversation to what she’s doing. If she’s about to get pizza, ask what her favorite pizza places are.

Engage her in as long of a conversation as possible and then go for an instant venue change nearby—or a phone number if that’s not possible. If she looks as if she’s in a party mood, ask if she needs a ride. You’ll be surprised how many girls will accept.

If the girl is in a car next to you, start your approach the same way, asking for directions or a quick opinion. Before the light turns green, ask where she’s going and if it’s any good. Say, “Maybe I’ll show up,” and gauge her reaction. If she seemed open to the idea and encourages you, go ahead and follow her.

Approaching On The Street

This is similar to approaching from a car. In most cases you’ll be stationary while girls pass by, so the first thing you’ll have to do is get her to stop. Say, “Hey, do you know where/what/when—” and then ask for information or an opinion, even if you already know the answer. As you open, she’ll keep walking, but you must continue to talk while moving to face her. Don’t stop talking, even if it appears that she’s walking away, because sometimes it takes a couple seconds to realize you’re asking a serious question instead of hitting on them like a construction worker. Girls are likely to stop if they think you need help.

Once she stops, follow the same steps as the car approach, giving a strong opinion and then asking what she’s up to, trying to prolong the conversation so you get her to start asking you questions. What I like about street approaches is that you can easily venue change to somewhere nearby. It’s not hard to pull off, and some nights I’m more content with hitting on girls outside a bar than inside.

Approaching In A Coffee Shop

Go to the most crowded coffee shop you can find, where it will be hard to find an available table. Get your coffee or pastry and then look around for the table with the hottest girl. Go to that table and politely ask if you can share her table, then get your book or whatever and do what you were going to do. At about the five-minute mark, ask something about what she’s doing, whether she’s drawing, reading a book, or studying a subject you took in college. It’s okay to say something mediocre like, “Is it usually this crowded in here,” and don’t be reluctant to interrupt her work. If she’s hanging out in a public place, chances are she actually wants to be interrupted. After you open, gauge her reaction to see if she’s interested. Does she respond quickly and dive right back into her work or does she keep her head up, waiting for you to keep talking?

If you want either her number or to venue change to get something to eat, don’t let the conversation die. If it reaches a natural end and you both go back to what you were doing, the approach is over. Keep talking until you both move to another location or until one of you has to go. A good way to close is, “I think we should continue the conversation some other time, but maybe over something different than coffee.”

If she is with at least one other friend, you’ll have to eavesdrop until you hear something you have an opinion about. Then say, “Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation” and follow with your opinion or observation. This polite approach is useful if the girl is with an older relative, like her mother. If the coffee shop isn’t crowded, simply sit at the table next to the hottest girl. It’s a little tougher to approach since you’ll be farther apart, but it’s still doable.

Approaching In Your Social Circle

If a girl you like is friends with a friend of yours, you won’t need to approach her at all—simply get an introduction from your friend. If the introduction is delayed, approach her and say, “I don’t think we’ve met yet.” Once you’ve been introduced, game her as you would any other girl. Don’t think you can skip the attraction-building stage just because you have mutual acquaintances.

With girls I meet through friends, I usually start with the opinion routine to put the interaction on a track I’m comfortable with. You’ll be tempted to take it slow since your friends know her and whatever you do will get out, but if that’s the case you shouldn’t be hitting on her in the first place. If you’re not going to give every girl 100%, either move on or use her to make other girls jealous. Don’t be passive and assume you’ll run into her again.

Approaching In The Gym

If you want to hit on girls in the gym, you’ll have to sacrifice the intensity of your workout to put mental energy into gaming. Let’s say you’re doing legs one day, but the girl you like is doing chest. If you want to talk to her, you’ll have to feel a sudden urge to work on your chest.

Go to the machine she’s working on and ask how many sets she has left. Don’t worry if the gym is empty and it’s obvious that you’re trying to hit on her. After my first set working in with her, I joke, “Usually I can do a lot more, but I was injured recently so I’m taking it easy” or “I could do a lot more, of course, but I don’t want to embarrass the other guys here.” If she doesn’t laugh, there’s something wrong with her sense of humor.

Hit her with an opinion or comment on gym culture to see if she responds and helps you continue the conversation. Say, “I feel like, in the American culture, if you don’t come to the gym you’ll get fat” or “I hope you don’t mind if I grunt really loud in this next set because it makes me feel stronger.”

Throw something out there and see if she engages you. Keep the conversation going as long as possible and fight the urge to end it early with “I’ll see you around.” Segue into what you both do in your spare time. Remember: you’re not trying to be her gym buddy, so if you don’t close the first time, your odds of long-term success will be low. You need to act as if you’ll never see her again. Try to venue change to a smoothie bar for a protein shake to continue the conversation. Otherwise just take a deep breath and ask her to hang out right there on the gym floor if she’s responding to your game and asking personal questions.

Approaching In Foreign Countries

The best way to meet girls while abroad is to stay in hostels, especially if you’re traveling alone. While hostels are usually sausage fests, most of the guys will be young and have weak game, so you can blow them away with just average player ability. Your goal is to be friendly to everyone, because the other guys may have already gotten in with a group of girls you want to game. Get used to using the “Let me guess, you’re from—” opener. It’s extremely effective in starting conversation with female travelers.

When it comes time to seal the deal, you’ll have to get creative, because hostels don’t offer much in the way of privacy. If you can’t bang her in one of the rooms, a bathroom, or a park, you can always try to upgrade to a private room (most hostels have them). If you do try to get her into a private room, let her think that you’re just going to cuddle and talk. Never let a girl think you assume sex is going to happen, since it should be seen as spontaneous and random.

She’s A Feminist

Feminists are a delight because they don’t have hang-ups about sex. While their demeanor suggests they’re tough and prudish, they’re actually easy when you get them into the bedroom. Feminists will call you on your belief system more than non-feminists, but as long as you stay firm in your beliefs, they’ll respect that and bang you anyway.

When guys meet feminists, they often become more beta for fear that they’ll offend then, but do the opposite and let her tone down her own crazy beliefs instead. She’ll be surprised that you have such opinions and become more attracted to you. Feminists are amusing because they say they want the opposite of an alpha male, but alphas have no problems hooking up with them.

She’s Shy Or Doesn’t Talk Much

Because your game depends on constant feedback and openness, a shy girl can be troublesome. You’ll have a hard time knowing if she’s interested because she won’t ask questions or respond like most girls. Shy girls aren’t just shy about speaking—they’re shy in how they approach life as well, so they’re not likely to put in the effort to make your sex goals easier to accomplish. That’s why I pass on shy girls and let betas waste their time on them. Once you get into the game and meet a large quantity of girls, you’ll pass them by, too. Other than mysterious silences, they just don’t have much to offer.

She Doesn’t Speak Good English

Take her to a loud place or to an artsy performance event, where conversation won’t be necessary. Be more focused and deliberate with your touching, since that’s what will amplify the attraction, which in this case will likely be built upon your looks and confidence instead of your wit and humor. Get comfortable with silences. This girl is different from a shy girl because she’s more likely to put in effort.

When You Don’t Know Which Girl To Pick

This is common if you’re approaching a pair of girls. You only want one, but it goes so well that both of them are giving you equal amounts of attention. Most guys are hesitant to choose and end up getting both of their numbers, using a “I think we should all hang out again” close—but that doesn’t work. Instead, give more attention to the one you don’t like for the first minute and then move on to the one you do. Make it clear which one you prefer so the other one is encouraged to take a lap. Don’t completely exclude the friend, but don’t worry too much if her feelings are hurt or if she’s going to cockblock you. Either you’ll achieve some type of close with a good chance of getting somewhere or you’ll get cockblocked, two outcomes that are better than getting useless numbers.

You Forget Her Name

Although a true alpha wouldn’t care about asking a girl’s name again if he forgot it, sometimes not remembering a name can be awkward, especially if you’ve already hooked up. If you forget her name, just ask how to spell her first name. If her name is common, like M-A-R-Y, say, “Oh, for some reason I thought it had a creative spelling.” Of course, you could use the Seinfeld solution and dig through her purse while she’s in the bathroom, but that seems unnecessarily risky.

Her Breath Smells

It’s rare to come across a girl who has bad breath. Most girls are so self-conscious about personal hygiene that they’ll double and triple check themselves before going out. If a girl has bad breath, ask if she’s had onions today or offer one of your mints or a piece gum. She’ll get the hint.

She Has A Boyfriend, Fiancé, Or Husband

Trying to bang girls who are already taken is one of the most fun aspects of the game. Once you reach a proficient level, you may find it boring to chase after single girls, so the next logical step is to go after girls who aren’t.

I’m not going to make a moral judgment about going after taken girls. I look at it this way: if a boyfriend has kept his game tight and makes his girl happy, she won’t even look at me after my opener. If a girl is giving me attention and considering having sex with me, it’s because that guy isn’t hitting her buttons like I am. Why should I say no to a girl I want to have sex with just because she made a commitment to someone she probably shouldn’t have in the first place? Just do what you want and ignore people who get all high and mighty on you. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you who you should or should not bang.

The reason a girl with a boyfriend is looking your way is because she’s bored or unsatisfied and sees you as the potential answer to her problems. Focus on exciting stories or travel adventures that make life with the boyfriend seem lame and dull. Avoid any talk about how life is depressing and sad.

Girls in relationships will flirt with other guys, but they only cheat with guys who provide the best logistics—guys who make it discreet and easy. For this to happen, you need to remove her from places where people know about her relationship. Once you get her alone and away from prying eyes, it becomes like any other pick-up. The only issue is that it takes a little longer to get the kiss out of the way (for girls in relationships, kissing another man is a big deal). If she objects in the bedroom with “But I have a boyfriend,” simply agree with her by saying, “You’re right, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Disengage her logical brain so she can lose herself in the moment.

The key to good logistics is having repeated access to her. If you meet a girl in a relationship at a club and she’s with five of her friends, you won’t get anywhere. Even if she likes you, she won’t give you her number while her friends are around. However, if you meet her alone at your favorite coffee shop and see her every other day or she’s in the same class as you, your chances are much higher. Get her alone where you can game her without interruption and she doesn’t have to worry about who’s watching or judging her.

You’ll have to be more indirect than usual with your words and not let her think you like her, allowing her to rationalize that you’re just a friend and to continue seeing you. But here’s the key: keep your physical game exactly the same. She’ll be confused when you’re touching her, walking arm-in-arm, and placing your hand on her waist while your conversation is just normal teasing, stories, and jokes. Since your game is already indirect, this won’t be a significant departure from what you normally do.

You want things to get to the point where she lies to her significant other about hanging out with you. She’ll tell him she’s going out with friends, not you. You can even help her rehearse the lies, putting you on the same team against him. This commits her to you even more.

If you get into a regular fuck-buddy relationship, you’ll be tempted to steal her and make her your girlfriend, but be careful. The reason this relationship is so much fun and exciting is because she has a boyfriend. I let such girls know that while I love hanging out with them, our relationship is partially defined by having a third man in the picture. If she wants to leave him, it should be because it’s not working out with him, not because she thinks I’ll get into a relationship with her. Of course, saying this makes her want me even more because I’m pushing her away, and her instinct is to move closer. Sex with girls in relationships is fun because they have so much bottled up sexual energy that their passion is often explosive.

One Of Your Friends Has Already Banged Her

Think of it this way: do you really want your friend’s sloppy seconds? She may be hot or really cool, but are there no other girls you could go for? The kind of guy who’s willing to go after a friend’s ex-girlfriend is the type who needs to work on his game the most. Build your game to the point where you wouldn’t even consider sloppy seconds because you have other options on the table. The exception is if she’s a doorknob and everyone is getting a turn for fun.

She Wants To Fight You

You may approach a girl who takes an immediate dislike to your game. In most situations you can just walk away, but once in a while you’ll get one whose sole reason for existing is to make men feel small. She’ll make snide remarks, stalk you, get in your face, wave her hands in the air, or cock her head back and forth like a pigeon.

It’s important in such cases to assert your dominance. You can’t let her think you’ll back down, even if you have no intention of fighting. You must go “over the top” and come back at her harder than she came at you. This means you have to scare her into thinking you’re going to level her.

Say, “Get out of my face or I’m gonna knock you out.” She’ll back down, because no woman wants to get punched by a man. Chances are this will never happen to you, but it’s best to have a plan of action, just in case.

She Lives With Her Parents

This isn’t usually a big deal unless you also live with your parents and can’t bring a girl back to your place. If that’s the case, you are cockblocked until you can think of a creative solution. If the first time you bang a girl is in a car, public park, or cheap motel, so be it.

She’s In College Or High School And You’re Not

There’s only one thing you need to know about a school girl: her behavior is driven more by her friends’ opinions than her own. She’s not doing what she wants to do, she’s doing what she thinks her friends want her to do. If her friends don’t like you, you won’t be having sex with her.

Make a good impression on her friends by being a fun guy with a sense of humor. If her friends see you as a cool guy, the girl will see you that way, too.

She’s An Au Pair

An au pair is a foreign girl who’s in the U.S. for a limited amount of time, usually one year. She’s hosted by an American couple who pays her to take care of their children. Oftentimes she’ll be going to school, but she’s not allowed to perform any other type of work. These girls hang out with other au pairs to enjoy the American experience at mainstream clubs.

I like au pairs because they’re the closest thing you can get to a foreign girl without travelling to a foreign country, but they make logistics difficult. They don’t have their own place, they have curfews that limit the times you can take them out, they don’t have a reliable means of transportation, and their money situation is so tight that you’ll always be paying.

You’ll be tempted to highlight your American qualities to make yourself appear exotic, but resist this urge and rely on your typical game because she’s probably met a lot of American men by the time she meets you. If there’s a language barrier, try a loud venue. Show an interest in her culture, let her teach you a couple curse words in her language, and treat her as you would any other girl.

There’s A Big Age Difference

Get it out of your mind that you’re too young or too old for any girl. Most girls have an age range in their head, but it can always be changed. The only time you’ll get complaints is from older women who say you’re too young. I don’t recall an instance where a younger girl said I was too old, and I’ve had experiences with girls ten years younger than me.

Raise the objection before she does, as if it’s a problem for you. If she’s more than two years older than you, run the break-up routine, saying, “I think you’re too old for me.” She’ll get defensive and say you’re too young, but it’s too late because you brought it up first and she’ll look as if she’s playing catch-up. Now that you’ve qualified her, she’ll say something like, “Age is only a number.” You can also joke, “I don’t know if an older woman such as yourself can satisfy a young man’s needs.”

Switch tactics if a girl is younger by saying, “I don’t know if a young girl such as yourself can satisfy the needs of an older, mature man.” Qualify a young girl by making it seem as if you’re unsure of her life experience.

I used to have a hard time telling a girl she was too old for me. I used to think it was a mean thing to say and the older woman would get mad at throw a drink on me, but if you say the lines with confidence and a smirk on your face, the girl will usually respond playfully. Just make sure you do it before she does!

She Has A Busy Social Calendar

These girls are bad news. They’re the ones who go out at least three times a week and each time they do it’s a big deal because their friends are celebrating something like a birthday or three-month anniversary. Such a girl will turn down your first date suggestion and instead ask if you want to meet her with her friends. Say no. You’ll accomplish little if her friends are watching. After you make two attempts to get her out alone, say, “I don’t think I can compete with your busy social calendar. How about you give me hit me up when you have some free time and you want to get a drink.”

You can usually find out about these girls early because she’ll give you her number while mentioning how busy she is. In that case, don’t bother, because she’s saying that she’ll never make herself available. Look for a girl with fewer than three dozen active friends, who can find a balance between friends and lovers.

She’s A Mom

One good thing about mothers is that you know they like sex. Even though she may be easy, she’ll make it seem as if she’s looking for something serious and that she’s tired of “boys” who play games. What she’s really saying is that she wants another man to take care of a child that’s not his.

Give her the peace of mind that you’re open to building something with someone you have a connection with, and then get her into bed as you would any other girl. I recommend that you drop her after sex, because you don’t need the drama or baggage that comes from dating single mothers. Also, the fact that she has a child may mean that she’s more fertile than the Nile River.

She Lives Far Away

Decide how far you’re willing to commute to a girl’s house. For me, it’s forty-five minutes. If a girl lives farther than that, I tell her that’s out of my range and I’m not good at long distance relationships. If she hangs around, tell her she has to drive to your neighborhood for the first couple dates because you have to tendency to fall asleep on long drives at night and don’t want to die.

There will be a time when you meet an especially hot girl who lives just outside your range. You’ll be tempted to make an exception, but doing so will cause you unconsciously to put her on a pedestal and bad game will result. If you end up dating a girl who lives far away but not outside your range, drive to her place half the time and make her drive to yours the other half. After all, driving takes effort too.

She’s Leaving Town For More Than Three Days

Having a girl leave town is always death, especially if you haven’t had sex with her yet, because it inserts an unnatural pause during the critical early stage of a relationship. Your best defense is to go on a date with her just before she leaves. It doesn’t have to be a long one. If you’re already having sex with her, do the same thing, but be sure to bang the hell out of her. Really let her have it! You want to be fresh in her mind while she’s exploring a new place, where exciting things can “just happen.”

The other issue you’ll have to deal with is whether to call or text while she’s away. If she’s going to be gone for a week, contacting her at least once is a good idea. If you call once and she calls you back right away and seems interested in talking, you can think about calling her again in a few days. However, if she takes her time returning your initial message and sounds distant, one contact is enough. Also pay attention to what she says when you wish her well on her trip. If she says something like, “I’ll have my phone with me,” that means she wants you to hit her up. Set another date soon after she comes back to keep the momentum going. Remember: out of sight, out of mind.

She’s Poor

Paying for dates is a form of effort, but it’s something poor girls will never be able to do. Even if a girl isn’t completely broke, like a student working a second job to pay tuition, I’m hesitant to let her pay.

If you know you’ll always be paying, go on cheap dates. Put in the minimum amount of financial effort because there’s no way she can reciprocate. Stick to cafés, walks, or cooking at home. Until you have sex, don’t let her interpret your spending as too much interest, and definitely don’t take her out to nice places so she can continue a free ride of meals and drinks. Never create the impression that you’ll spend money on a girl without expecting something in return. If she doesn’t get the hint, let her know that you’re on a budget to save for your next vacation, and would prefer fun and creative dates that are also inexpensive.

She Wants To Have Sex But You Don’t Have A Condom

Buy a couple dozen condoms and put them in all your jacket pockets, in your backpack, in your glove compartment, and in your best friend’s glove compartment. Always have one condom in your pocket when you go out to talk to girls. You want to maximize the chance that there will be a condom nearby when sex is about to occur.

While you may not get a one-night stand for some time, if it happens you want to be prepared. Your worst nightmare is not having a condom when you’re on top of a naked girl who’s begging for the cock. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you take a risk (if alcohol is involved and you’re horny, chances are you’ll bang a girl raw and regret it the second after you blow your load). Getting laid is challenging enough—don’t make it harder by not being prepared.

You Like Her A Lot More Than She Likes You

This is a dangerous situation to be in. You always want a girl to like you more than you like her so she’ll flake less and put in more effort, which will offer a greater possibility of sex. All this is reversed if you like her more and it gets worse as the difference between how much she likes you and how much you like her increases out of your favor. While you can’t change your gut feeling, you can fight it by pretending that you don’t like her. Stop describing her as hot in your head. Think of her as cute instead. Stop fantasizing about her before you go to bed. Jerk off to porn stars who look nothing like her. Stop thinking how great she is and focus on her negative qualities.

You want to shrink the attraction discrepancy as much as possible so you won’t appear needy. Not until she reciprocates and makes it clear that she likes you can you increase your feelings for her. Getting with your crush may work well for guys in the movies, but not in real life.

She Doesn’t Drink

Don’t change anything if she doesn’t drink, but expect more resistance and an increase in the time it will take to have sex with her. Give a sober girl five dates as the deadline for sex—two more than normal.

I have no problem admitting that alcohol helps my game immensely. The more a girl drinks, the more she’ll remove her mental blocks to having sex with me. It’s a magic drug that’s not only legal, but something girls like to self-administer. If she’s a drinker, simply allow her to drink. Keep in mind that unless you’re talking about one-night stands, alcohol doesn’t create notches that weren’t already going to happen—it only shortens the time. I’ll do a non-alcoholic first date in some cases, but by date two, she needs to be drinking, because five dates or more is too long to wait to find out how she is in bed.

She’s A Virgin

Every man should experience the awkwardness of banging a virgin at least once—of having to go slowly, watching her grimace in pain, and being asked several times to be gentle because it hurts. Hot, right? But after a couple times you can mold her into the slut you’ve always wanted. You’re her teacher and she’ll listen, because you’re the alpha male who introduced her to the sexual world.

Most guys move slowly when it comes to getting virgins in bed, but you’ll have to be persistent, just as with non-virgins. If a girl tells you she’s a virgin, reply with, “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Her virginity is a disease and you’re the cure. Be aggressive with your escalation moves because you’re not going to change your game just because she has a problem of sexual inexperience. Break her down by constantly pushing until she relents. You’re not a guy who’s going to be patient like the other nice guys in her life (her virginity is a testament to the failure of that strategy). You have strong sexual needs for her to fulfill within a reasonable amount of time, or else you’ll move on.

The Condom Breaks

If you don’t pay attention to whether the condom is still on, you may turn a minor issue into an accidental pregnancy. If you’re banging her with a condom and it suddenly starts feeling really good, it’s because the condom broke and you now have a ring of latex around the base of your cock. Pull out, say, “I have to get another condom,” put on another one, and resume banging. No big deal.

With experience you won’t go more than a couple strokes knowing you’re raw. Minimize your exposure to a naked vagina because the dose is the poison—and the longer you’re in there, the more likely something bad will happen. Don’t count on girls to tell you a condom broke because it’s difficult for them to know.

She’s A Bad Lay

A girl’s problems with sexual performance may be due to lack of movement, vocalization, or mouth usage. Before the next time you have sex, say, “I want to try a couple things I think will make it better for us both.” Then tell her exactly what you want her to do. It will take persistence on your part to change sexual habits she’s been doing for a long time, so unless you consider a girl long-term material, it’s not worth keeping her around.

She’s Just Not Putting Out

So you tried everything, went on multiple dates, performed every trick in the book, and you can’t even get off her jeans. Most guys will wait for her until she’s ready to have sex, but I don’t advise this because you would be entering a relationship where she has complete control. The energy you put into her could be better spent getting sex from other girls. No girl should have unlimited time with you to do something that you consider critical to the continuation of a healthy relationship. Don’t play by her rules: chalk her up as a learning experience and move on. Tell her that the lack of intimacy is a problem for you and it’s best if you two become friends. If she gets upset and makes it seem like she really does like you, you may want to give her just one more date to put out, but not more than that. Not every girl you date is going to put out, and there is no point wasting your time when there are so many who will.

The Six Most Important Game Principles (Cheat Sheet)

This cheat sheet takes all the game concepts and techniques I’ve taught you and distills them into a few key points that you can read frequently to remind yourself of what it takes to sleep with a lot of women. They should always be in the back of your mind when playing the game.

Approach Every Week

This is the number one thing you can do to improve your sex life right now. Even without a scrap of game, merely approaching will drastically improve your odds and get more than you were getting before. Start a conversation with a canned opener or make random comments about anything related to your current situation. Ask a question about her drink, her scarf, what time the bookstore closes, where she bought something, anything! If you want to get laid a lot, you must do this weekly. Do it for your dick and trust me, it gets easier over time.

Keep It Chatty, Keep It Interesting, Keep It Fun

During the first several minutes she’ll barely do any talking. That’s okay, because it’ll be a great opportunity to show your personality, charm, and humor. Instead of asking personal questions before she does, ramble on about the environment and things you’ve noticed. Then casually drop cool things that you’re doing or have done. If she’s engaged in the conversation, crack a joke that pokes gentle fun at her. Did she smile, open her eyes wide, or otherwise show that she liked it? Then do it again. You should only ask questions when you get stuck, since the last thing you want to do is interview her.

Divide And Conquer

If she's already alone, great. Be interesting enough so that she starts asking personal questions like what you do and what your name is, and then ramp up the touching—first quick, innocent ones on her forearm and back of her hand and then longer ones on the sides of her hip. Otherwise you must get her away from her friends. Suggest a visit to the bar, dance floor, or outside to get a smoke or some air. If you can’t isolate once you’ve hit the peak of your conversation, it’s best to get a phone number and leave before it gets stale. If she’s not willing to let you isolate her, move on, because she’s not interested.

Take It As Far As You Can Go

Don’t be just satisfied with a number or a kiss. Push the interaction as far as you can by changing venues or asking if she wants to go to your place for a drink. In the history of the world there have been billions of number exchanges that didn’t go anywhere, so view phone numbers as a last resort when you can’t go any further. It pains me to see a guy just getting the number of a girl who obviously wants to fuck that night, only to have him call in a couple days and never get a response. Assume that you’ll never see her again, because odds are you won’t.

When In Doubt, Chill Out

There’ll be many monkey wrenches thrown your way, when there’s not always an obvious best response. In such cases, just do nothing. Sit back and let time pass. Sometimes a girl is merely testing you for a response and when she doesn’t get that response she’ll give up and contact you again. It amazes me how often doing nothing has gotten me back into the game with girls who suddenly acted flakey or weird. And when the stakes get higher and she does something disrespectful or crazy, pull back hard. Let her come into you instead of the other way around.

If You Don’t Feel Like A Creep, You’re Not Pushing Hard Enough

She’s not going to invite you upstairs like in the movies. She’s not going to tell you she wants to have sex with you. She’s not going to grab your dick and put it in. You must always be making the first move and always be pushing. If you’re scared she’ll think of you as a creep, that means you’re on the right path.

Remember that girls who like you are flattered that you want to have sex with them, so moving quickly is an indirect way of showing interest that can be helpful for new relationships. Get her to your place or hers the same night you meet her. Get her into the bedroom. Take off her clothes and keep going. If she resists, take a break and start over again. Break her down and bang her, and then take her out and bang her again.

_____

If you liked Bang, I think you'll like my newest game guide, Day Bang. It’s a 201-page book that teaches you how to pick up women solely during the day, primarily in a coffee shop, clothing store, bookstore, grocery store, subway, or on the street. It contains 51 openers, 23 long dialogue examples with commentary, and dozens of additional lines that teach by example.

Here are just a couple of things you’ll learn in Day Bang:

- How to approach women in over a dozen common daytime venues

- A detailed breakdown of how to use the "elderly opener," an easy style of approach that reliably starts conversations with women

- How to take the interesting things you've done (your accomplishments, hobbies, and experiences) and morph them into bait hooks that gets the girl intrigued enough to want to go out with you

- The optimal day game mindset that leads to the most amount of success

- Ways to open up a conversation on a girl who isn't giving you much to work with

My two books complement each other: Day Bang helps you get more prospects while Bang helps you seal the deal with them. Click here to view Day Bang’s homepage.

For more game tips, visit my web site:

http://www.rooshv.com